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Perhaps the best part of being a parent is watching your child experience things for the first time.
Sometimes when I'm watching Willa enjoy something, especially if it's something that I enjoy too, I feel like my heart might explode.
Lately we've had a lot of those experiences. There are three that stand out:
1) On Willa's second birthday we took her to The Bronx Zoo for the first time. The highlight, without a doubt, was the Carousel. I was worried when we first got on that the combination of movement and loud music might scare her, but she loved it. She thought it was the greatest thing ever.
She's still talking about it almost 6 weeks later.
2) For Willa's birthday my mother in law gave her a tricycle.
Willa was thrilled. She kept yelling "BICYCLE!"
So, a couple of days after her birthday party we took her for her first official ride. She was so excited to wear her helmet.
She didn't want to get off.
3) Right before Willa was diagnosed with Cold Induced Urticaria I had signed her up for swim classes at the Y. When we found out that people who have Urticaria can become anyphylactic in cold water I got really nervous. I took her for her first class anyway, armed with an epi pen. The water was cooler than I had hoped and after 15 minutes in the pool Willa's legs were covered in hives. Plus, Willa didn't like the LOUD male swim instructor and she clung to me the whole time. We never went back to swim class.
We figured we'd try again in the summer when it was warmer. I spent the whole winter worrying that because we weren't exposing her to swimming that she would be afraid of it. And then, a week after her second birthday it was warm and she was refusing to nap. So, I asked her if she would like to go swimming and she said yes. We headed over to the Y. I didn't even bring a swimsuit because I thought there was no way she was going to spend any amount of time in the pool. Boy was I wrong. SHE LOVED IT.
She kept saying "I swimming in da pool!"
I sat on the sideline watching her swim with her father, my eyes filling with tears.
The minute she was done we stripped her wet bathing suit off and got her into dry clothes. She only got one tiny hive.
She starts swim class next Tuesday.
I've worried about money for almost my entire life.
In August, my husband will be starting a new job. His training will be over and he will finally be making a substantial salary. This is what he has been working toward his whole adult life, and I've been along for the ride for almost 12 years. We've made a ton of sacrifices to get here.
But, it's not at all how I imagined it.
I thought once the money started rolling in that we would never have to worry about money again.
Boy, am I a gullible idiot.
It turns out that now that we'll have money we'll have to use it to pay off student loans and credit card debt. We desperately need a new car (the car my husband drives to work is a '99 and we keep pouring more money into it than it's worth. The car I'm driving is actually my mother-in-law's car that she loaned us when Willa was born, and we still haven't given in back to her.), we need to save for a down payment for a house or apartment (because apparently they won't let you buy a place without a down payment). We need to buy some new clothes- my husband and I are still wearing T-shirts from high school- no joke. We need to start saving for retirement and college. We need to hire someone to watch Willa occasionally, so I can maybe focus more on my photography, and also not go insane.
We're not going to run out and buy a bunch of new stuff all at once- my point is that we've been putting a lot of things off for a lot of years.
I'm a grown, educated woman, How did I not realize all of this?
We honestly don't know how to have "real" money. I guess we need to hire a financial planner? This is all so "adult", and it makes me feel like a child.
Believe me, I'm not complaining about the prospect of having money. I know that we are very lucky, especially in this economy, that my husband even has a job. I just wish I could talk to 18 year old me, or hell, even 28 year old me, and tell her to stop living for the future. That money doesn't buy happiness. That with money comes new stresses and responsibilities. That just because we'll have money doesn't mean we'll stop worrying about money.
Also, why can't I just enjoy this? Why must I always find the negative?
I really dislike that part of me.
Recently, a lot of bloggers have been talking about this article in the New York Times.
If you can't access the article, the basic premise is a mother who fights with her children's school about cupcakes and junk food being served. She even went as far as to steal some sprinkles and syrup off a table at a function that was serving ice cream. Now, while I do think this mother's tactics are extreme, I must admit that part of me sympathizes with her.
We are vegetarian. We raise our daughter vegetarian. Our daughter is fed mostly organic food.
A vegetarian diet has been shown to extend your life, lower the risk for almost every type of cancer, lower the risk of heart disease, keep cholesterol levels in check, prevent and/or cure type 2 diabetes, etc, etc.
It also is one of the easiest ways to positively impact the environment.
And yet, we constantly get made fun of. We are called "hippies". We are asked where we get our protein from (such an annoying, uneducated question). People roll their eyes at us.
If you know me in real life, you know that I'm not preachy about my vegetarianism. If someone wants to Talk to me about it, I gladly answer questions. I rarely talk about it on this blog because it tends to draw the crazies out of the woodwork, but this article opened up a flood of emotions for me.
The same thing happened to me a few months ago when I was reading a parenting magazine and there was a list- "Ten things NOT to feel guilty about" and one of the things was "Feeding your niece, little miss organic. her first twinkie."
Like feeding your kid organic foods is "wacky".
For us, it's not just about vegetarianism either, it's about eating healthy.
Our daughter is only given healthy food 99% of the time. Our belief (in addition to wanting her to be healthy) was that if we only give her healthy food, if she goes through a picky phase (which she has) at least what's she's eating is still healthy. We pretty much steer clear of foods packaged for kids (I think it's so sad that the food packaged for kids is usually the worst for them).
However, I also know that if we make something taboo, then Willa will likely be drawn to it, so we let her try things. At a birthday party several months ago there was ice cream cake. Willa was very excited about it and asked to try it. I let her. She took two bites and then went back to eating her melon.
That is typically what happens- she sees something that looks exciting, like a cupcake, and she takes one or two bites and then goes back to eating her healthy food. I love that she doesn't have a taste for these things. I love that at a Halloween party she was playing with candy corn because she didn't realize it was edible.
At the same time, I don't want her to miss out on experiencing special treats, or baking with her mother (especially since baking with my mother is what ultimately made me go to culinary school), so occasionally I bake something like banana bread, or (recently) oatmeal cookies. I make healthy versions, but the idea is still the same. However, Willa still mostly refuses them. She'd rather eat as much cantaloupe as she can get her hands on.
I don't think feeding my child a healthy diet is obsessive or unrealistic. I'm trying to set her up for a life time of healthy eating. She's only 25 months old. She has plenty of time to eat junk and sweets. She will still have the opportunity to live on cereal and pizza when she goes to college. I'm sure once she starts going to school and hanging out with other kids she'll start eating more unhealthy food, but I feel like while we have control we need to instill healthy eating habits.
I am a vegetarian, but I don't have a great diet. I'm the pickiest eater I know. I hate that about myself.
Both of my parents had HORRIBLE diets. Mostly processed, refined carbs, tons of butter on everything, tons of sugar, never anything exotic or spicy. Add that to the fact that they got divorced when I was two. My dad only saw me a few times a year, so he didn't want to be the bad guy, so he never made me try anything. My mom hated her strict upbringing where she was forced to eat things she did't like. She didn't want to do that to me, so she never insisted I try anything either. Growing up I lived on sugary cereal, and fruit roll-ups, and when I did eat something healthy, like strawberries, I would put sugar on them. Now, as an adult I struggle every day with my diet. I have to force myself to eat healthy things. I have no taste for them. If it was up to me, and was healthy, and had no impact on the environment, I would exist on Cap'n Crunch and bagels with cream cheese. I DREAD my daughter being like me. I have fought to make sure she's not.
I think a lot of parents are feeding their kids unhealthy things for several reasons:
1) It's easier. I understand that, I really do. But, feeding your kids healthy food is not that much more work (you cut up some fruit or vegetables instead of opening a package), and the benefits are worth it. It is OK to be lazy about doing the laundry, or scrubbing the toilet, but it is not, in my opinion, OK to be lazy about something that impacts your child's health.
2) "I ate it when I was a kid, and I'm fine." I hate this excuse. Don't you want better for your child? Don't you want the BEST for your child?
3) People are uneducated. People do more research when they buy a car then they do when they have a child. People might argue that it's easier for me because I went to culinary school and was certified in nutrition, but the reality is 90% of what I know about nutrition I taught myself.
4) They want to eat unhealthy things too. It's kind of hard to tell your kid to eat their healthy food if you're sitting their eating crap. Having Willa has forced me to eat healthier, so I can lead by example.
Everywhere I go I'm fighting the battle to steer my kid in the direction of healthy food. That's why I can commiserate with the mom in the article. In a few years Willa will be spending the majority of her awake time at school. It would be nice if she wasn't constantly bombarded with junk.
I admit that a large part of why we picked the preschool Willa will start attending in the fall, is because they serve fruits and vegetables from the farmers market for snack instead of goldfish crackers or apple sauce (with high fructose corn syrup).
I really hate that because I feed my kid a healthy diet I'm viewed as an extremist, or uptight. (And here's the part where I'm sure a lot of commenters will jump down my throat) I think that a lot of people crack jokes or make fun of people who feed their kids a healthy diet because it makes them examine what they are feeding their own kids.
It's almost as if my action of feeding my kid healthy food is automatically viewed as me judging those that don't. That's not the case at all. I'm just, like most parents, trying to do what I think is best for my child.
I think the woman featured in the article could be more constructive about the way she deals with things, but I must admit, I'd probably rather have my kid go to her house for a playdate.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my kid is asking me for a banana.
*If you're interested, a few months back I wrote an article for Alphamom about getting your kids to eat healthy.
Right before our Boston trip I was trying to upload pictures to Flickr and our lap top kept giving me an error message.
I brought it in to our local Apple store and it was determined that we needed a new airport card and antenna. We decided to wait until after our trip.
I should mention that we got the lap top almost three years ago (which apparently is like decades in computer years), and that we paid about $2,000 for it plus extra for the protection plan (my husband's job actually paid for most of it, but still).
So, last Tuesday I reluctantly left the lap top with the associate at the Genius Bar at the Apple store. The guy I left it with was really helpful. He explained everything to me, and was also happy to answer all of my stupid questions- even the ones that had nothing to do with the problem with my lap top (What exactly is the internet?). He told me that they would be shipping our computer out to Apple's main repair people because the store was too backed up with repairs. I was OK with this because a couple of years ago we had to send the lap top in for repair and Apple was super quick with it.
I should also mention- about a year ago our battery needed to be replaced, so we went to our local Apple store to get a new battery. We were told it was something like $200 to replace it and that it wasn't covered under the protection plan. I said to the Apple associate that I thought it was RIDICULOUS that we paid $2,000 for a computer and then paid several hundred dollars for a protection plan, and then we were expected to pay to replace the battery after less than two years, so she gave us a new one WITH NO CHARGE. And then I made out with her.
Yesterday was seven days since I had dropped the lap top off. They had given me an estimate of 5-7 days, so I called the repair people to see what the ETA was. After being on hold for several minutes it was determined that the computer was STILL IN THE STORE. I called the store, and after being on hold for 10 minutes a guy told me that I should be able to pick up that night, and that someone would call me in a couple of hours.
Willa and I went out for a play date and when we came home their was a message from Apple:
"This is the Apple store. Several technicians have tried to fix your computer unsuccessfully, so we are sending it in to our main repair center. If you have any questions don't hesitate to give us a call."
Um, yeah, I have a question- WHAT THE FUCK?
We're guessing that it sat on a shelf in the store for seven days, forgotten, and when I called they had an "OH SHIT" moment and realized they still needed to send it in.
So, after I tried to shove my brains back in my head, I called the Apple store and I got this guy named Kevin on the phone.
The first thing I say to Kevin is "I just want you to understand I'm angry, but I'm not angry at you."
I explained the whole situation to him. I explained to him that I was a photographer and I needed the computer to edit pictures. I stayed calm and pleaded with him to help me.
He basically said to me "That's fucked up and you have every right to be mad. I'm surprised at how calm you're being. I wouldn't be that calm."
He put me on hold.
He comes back and says to me "Well, if we sent it to the repair center it might take up to two weeks to get it back to you, and we think that is unacceptable, so WE ARE GIVING YOU A BRAND NEW MAC BOOK PRO."
HOLY SHIT
So, after I picked my jaw up off the floor, I stutter to Kevin "I'm not trying to get a new computer, I just wanted you to help me get the old one back." and Kevin said "I know, and you were so nice and reasonable about it, that's why we're giving you a new one. And, I'll transfer all your stuff from the old one onto the new one for you. We should have it ready for you tomorrow morning."
Two hours later he called me back to tell me it was ready, so I picked it up last night.
Everyone keeps asking me how I got them to give me a free brand new computer (this particular model was just shipped to the store 4 days ago). I'll tell you this-
I worked in retail for years and it made me hate humanity. People who have no control in their own lives like to come into stores and restaurants and treat the staff like they are servants, like they are below them. So, whenever I talk to someone in customer service I commiserate with them and I treat them with respect. This has resulted in a lot of perks- discounts on merchandise, free desserts and even free meals, faster service, fees waived, etc.
I'll give you an example-
You're at the airport and your flight is canceled. People rush up to the desk and start yelling at the staff. I walk up to the desk and am very friendly. I say things like "It must be so difficult to deal with people when flights get canceled. It's not like you canceled the flight!" They appreciate my understanding and work to get me on the next possible flight, even if it's with another airline. The people who were yelling? They're stuck at the airport.
Yelling rarely gets you what you want. Who wants to help someone who's yelling at them for something that's not their fault, or something they have no control over?
I should also be clear- I'm not a push-over. I have a way of being nice, but making it clear that the situation is unacceptable.
I also go out of my way for great costumer service people. I ask to speak to the manager and tell them how helpful the associate was, or how wonderful the service was. The managers are so happy because 99% of the time when someone asks for the manager it's to complain, so my compliments are a pleasant surprise. Basically- do unto others. A lot of the time, they are so grateful they give me perks or discounts.
That being said, I think Apple consistently has great costumer service. Sure, Apple gave us a free $2,000 computer, but we are so enamored with them that we will be loyal customers who over the years will spend thousands on their products.
A lot of companies could take lessons from them. Sometimes you have to spend money to make money. Doing/giving the bare minimum is not always best for your bottom line.
| Marriage is love. | |||||
