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December 30, 2005

Jane Fonda, I am not

I've been trying to get in shape lately. It's very important that I'm in shape if/when I'm pregnant because of my joint condition. It's not easy. Getting myself to the gym is a challenge. My back is constantly a problem, but I realize exercising will make it better. It's a vicious cycle of I'm too tired/in pain to go to the gym, but I'm tired/in pain because I don't go to the gym.
When I finally get to the gym I have to deal with the crowds, people grunting, and machines covered in sweat.
But, I'm doing it. I'm going to the gym, doing crunches and stretches at home, and yesterday I walked five miles around the city.
One of the things that really helps motivate me is my awesome workout mix. I thought I'd share it with you.

Politik- Cold Play
Hey Mama- Black Eyed Peas
The Real Slim Shady- Eminem
Get Out The Map- Indigo Girls
This Love- Maroon 5
Hey Ya!- Outkast
Lets Get Retarded- Black Eyed Peas
26 or 6 to 4- Chicago
Groove is in the Heart- Deee-Lite
Without Me-Eminem
Jump Around- House of Pain
Been Caught Stealing- Jane's Addiction
Gold Digger- Kayne West with Jaime Foxx
Mama Said Knock You Out- Ll Cool J
The impression That I Get- The Might Mighty Bosstones
Everybody Got Their Something- Nikka Costa
Blister In The Sun- Violent Femmes
Let Go- Frou Frou

Do you have any songs that put you in an ass-kicking mood?

December 26, 2005

Life is (almost) complete

Looky what I got for Christmas.

My mother, father, and husband pooled their money.

Best Christmas present EVER.

I burst into tears when I opened the box.

December 22, 2005

Do they have a hair club for women?

I am losing my hair. No, really, I am.
When I run my hands through my hair handfuls come out.
There is hair everywhere. On the back of my coat, on the couch cushions, on the floor.
When I shower I collect all of the hair (that comes out of my HEAD, Bucky you pervert) and I stick it to the shower wall so it doesn't go down the drain and clog it up.

I present to you photographic evidence that my hair is, in fact, falling out at an alarming rate:

Hair loss.JPG

This is ONE shower folks. At this rate I'll look like Telly Savalas in a few weeks.

December 21, 2005

But do they make Starbucks nail polish?

I bet Britney has purchased a case.

December 20, 2005

Holidays in Iraq

I often have the argument with people that I support our troops, but I don't support the war.
Some people believe this is a contradiction, but I disagree.
Our troops don't get to choose whether or not we go to war. (Although, there's a great idea. Maybe we should let our armed forces vote on whether or not we go to war.) It's not their fault they're in Iraq. From what I've read most of them oppose the war.

I support our troops. I don't support a war built on lies and greed.

I was sent this poem in an email this morning. I don't know who wrote it.

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
a lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light.
Then he sighed and he said "It's really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers." My dad
stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam', And now it is my turn and so,
here I am. I've not seen my own son in more than a while, But my wife
sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.

"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?"
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

December 19, 2005

Happy Holi.... Whatever

I haven't sent out any holiday cards.
I've only bought one present.
I hate all of the pressure. I'd rather buy someone a gift on a Tuesday in August because it's perfect, rather than trying to force it in December.
I have 51 emails in my inbox waiting to be dealt with.

Wow. I'm pretty overwhelmed for someone who's unemployed.

December 15, 2005

Back to our regularly scheduled program

I will now do what I do best- complain.

I spent ALL DAY in a hospital on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because someone close to me had major surgery.
They're doing fine physically, but not so great mentally.
It has been VERY emotionally draining.
I came home yesterday for 10 ten minutes (I live across the street from the hospital) to walk Dexter only to discover that Mookie is sick (AGAIN).
So I had to call the vet in addition to the five thousand other phone calls I made and received over the past few days, because I seem to be the family liaison.
I did not eat dinner until 10pm last night.
I was so infuriated with my mother-in-law(what else is new?) yesterday that when she called the hospital room I tore her a new one and then hung up when she was in mid sentence.
She deserved it.
I have not been feeling well lately (surprise, surprise). I have been very dizzy. I was hoping that it was because I was pregnant, but no such luck, I got my period again.
My husband works A LOT, so he's not always around when I need a hug.
The vet bill today was over $200. AND that was the REDUCED rate.
The boots I bought on Ebay, my FIRST Ebay purchase, are a totally different color that the picture, AND they are too small.
I slept in the guest room so I could be with Mookie last night. He spent the whole night curled up next to me which is cute, but I didn't want to disturb him so I couldn't move my legs all night and now my knee is killing me.
That was a long sentence.
I just got so dizzy I almost passed out on my keyboard.
The husband just called me to remind me that we're supposed to go to a party tonight.
I have NO desire to go.
I have a migrane.
I had one yesterday too.
I have gotten nothing accomplished today.

*END RANT*

Update: I just noticed that one of the Google ads says "fishy vaginal odor?"
AWESOME.

December 11, 2005

One of the MANY reasons my mom is AWESOME

I went to my mom's house today to hang out and help her bake cookies.
While there, covered in cookie batter she asked "do I smell?"
"Uh, no."
"Is smelling one of the side affects of diabetes?"
"Not that I know of. I'll have to ask the husband."
"Because the other night I woke up at 4AM dripping with sweat.."
"Yeah..."
"and I went into the bathroom and I smelled something really funky."
"Yeah..."
"and then I realized it was me."
"Really? You never smell bad.'
"Torrie, it was BAD. I smelled like a sick whore."
"Did you just say you smelled like a sick whore?"
"Yes. I'm trying to convey to you how BAD it was."
"Um, yeah, I think I get it."

December 08, 2005

Where's Torrie?

See if you can spot me (and the husband) on tonight's Apprentice.
I'll give you a couple of hints-
We were at Rebecca's task.
I was wearing a grey dress.

*UPDATE: The fuckers are airing the actual tasks on NEXT WEEK'S episode.
All that buildup for nothing.
Now I know how my husband feels.

December 07, 2005

I don't get it

Can someone please explain to me what the big deal with Antonio Banderas is.
Women actually find this guy attractive?
I just want to spray him with lysol.

December 05, 2005

I'm so proud

It's official! Dexter passed his test with flying colors and is now a certified therapy dog.

December 02, 2005

Busy

I went to a dinner party on Long Island last night, I'm supposed to go see a documentary at the Moma tonight, I have TWO holiday parties to attend tomorrow night, and then I have to be up bright and early on Sunday because Dexter is taking his therapy dog test.

Oy vey!

*I amb sick. I haveb a ton of fluid in mby head. I'mb not going anywhere tonight.
I want my mbommby.

December 01, 2005

Instead

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why, when the sink is overflowing with dishes, do I re-organize the utensil drawer?

Why do I rearrange the husband's (already folded) shirts when there are piles of clothes EVERYWHERE and the clean laundry has been sitting in the laundry bag, unfolded for two weeks?

Why do I spend hours on the computer instead of running errands, making phone calls, and paying the bills?

Why can't I get organized?

Is it something you can learn, or is it a personality trait that you're stuck with?