The post where I piss a lot of people off
My mother was raised STRICT catholic. She was born left handed and forced to use her right hand. Left handed children are apparently possessed by the devil. Her life was saturated with guilt.
At the age of sixteen my mother had finally had enough. When a particularly cruel nun tried to cut off her long flaxen hair, my mother grabbed the scissors out of the nun's hand and turned them on her. She threatened the nun with bodily harm if she ever tried to touch her again.
My mother was raised in Manhattan. As a child and a teenager she would watch the wonderfully dressed Jewish ladies go to lunch. She wanted to be like them.
At the age of sixteen my mother moved out of the house and left her childhood and Catholicism behind.
My father was born into a Sicilian Catholic family. Much to the dismay of the rest of the family, his mother was not very observant. My father decided at a young age that religion was not for him and has spent all of his years wavering between atheist and agnostic.
When my father was in his twenties his mother married a Jewish man. She was the most "Jewish" Sicilian grandmother I've ever met. Eggplant parmesean and matzoh ball soup.
When my mother met my father she was still carrying around this fantasy of being Jewish. My mother had not only had a horrible experience with Catholicism, but she had also grown up VERY poor. Even as an adult she had an unrealistic idea of what it was like to be Jewish; money, nice clothes, and ladies lunching.
My father laughed at her and brushed off the idea.
When I was about two and a half my parents separated. Shortly there after my mother met a nice Jewish lawyer. When I was four we moved into his three bedroom apartment on the upper east side of Manhattan. For the first time in my mother's life she didn't really have to worry about money. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't a kept woman. She still worked her ass off, but she didn't have to worry about whether or not we would have a roof over our heads.
My mother was finally surrounded by "the Jewish lifestyle", and she loved it.
She decided she was going to convert. She took classes at the local temple. She joined the sisterhood and the choir. We had bagels every Sunday.
I actually remember as a child, being a little jealous of this temple where my mother spent so much of her time.
When I was seven my mother officially converted to Judaism. I remember standing in the bathroom of the temple the night of her conversion ceremony watching her cry. I'd never seen my mother cry before.
When I was eight my mother married the Jewish lawyer and enrolled me in Hebrew school.
Soon my mother became a Hebrew school teacher. The temple was a HUGE part of our lives.
I never really liked Hebrew school very much, except for music class and arts and crafts.
Shortly before my thirteenth birthday, when talk of my Bat Mitzvah was in high gear, I realized something.
I didn't believe in Judaism. I had only ever really been exposed to one religion and I didn't believe in it.
I didn't want to commit myself to something I didn't believe in.
I told my mother. She committed one of the bravest acts of parenting I've ever seen. She didn't force me to have a Bat Mitzvah. I guess she knew what it was like to be forced to participate in something you don't believe in, and she didn't want me to suffer the same way she had.
To this day I don't believe in organized religion.
I think it was invented by people a long time ago as a form of government, and fear, and because people hate the thought of being alone in this universe.
I think religion is archaic. It does not evolve at the same rate as everything else.
Religion gives people a sense of community and it fills a void, which I understand, but my friends are my community and if I had a void I would fill it with something else (charity work, for example).
I don't like the guilt that most religions are based on. I don't like the love everyone, unless of course, they don't believe in our god, then screw 'em.
I think Jesus was a great man. Someone to admire and look up to. BUT, I don't think he's coming back. Oh, and he was Jewish.
I am a good person. During our wedding vows my husband said "you are the most morally sound person I know".
I don't think I'm going to go to hell (if it even exists) because I don't say some words (prayers) written by humans hundreds or thousands of years ago.
So many wars have been fought because of religion. Something that was supposed to bring people together more often tears people apart.
I have my own religion. It's about balance, and being a good person, and trying to make the world a better place, and respect for the earth, and all creatures lives are precious.
These are just MY opinions. Love them or hate them.
Comments
What's to be pissed off about here? Oh. Silly me. It's hard to get pissed off when I can relate perfectly to your beliefs.
This was absolutely, wonderfully written, Torrie. I hope it's as well received as my self-examination on the topic.
Posted by: mrtl | January 17, 2006 04:47 PM
p.s. I want to hug your Momma.
Posted by: mrtl | January 17, 2006 04:47 PM
I love 'em. You basically have written what I feel inside of myself. How'd you do that?
My basic motto in life is "Treat others as you wish to be treated." I do not need a religion to tell me how to be a good person. I think most religions teach a form of hypocrisy instead.
I'm sorry your Mom had to suffer so much, but so thankful she didn't do the same to you.
Posted by: Suzie | January 17, 2006 05:21 PM
How on earth could we hate you for just being who you are and saying what you think? No way girl. Not getting rid of us that easily.
PS - your Mom is very brave indeed. She could have taken a lot of shit for that.
Posted by: southernfriedgirl | January 17, 2006 06:03 PM
Love them. Totally love them.
Posted by: suburban misfit | January 17, 2006 06:41 PM
Your views are part of what makes you you. Your beliefs are yours, mine are mine, we're all different, but we are all human and have feelings. How could someone/anyone be pissed for your beliefs? I didnt read anywhere that you are pissed off by others beliefs, why should you be treated any differently?
Hugs to you!
Posted by: Dawn | January 17, 2006 07:37 PM
YES! That is EXACTLY what I believe. I think being forced through 9 years of Catholic school helped me along in that decision. :) I do not believe in organized religion, mainly because what I've seen of it has been entirely hypocritical.
Anyways. Well said.
Posted by: Bleeze | January 17, 2006 07:38 PM
I don't think people can get pissed off because you believe differently than they do. If anything, its always interesting to learn about what others believe.
Posted by: Sarcastic Journalist | January 17, 2006 11:22 PM
Well babe, you know where I stand. Probably another reason why we're such good friends.
Now put your belly on the screen so I can talk to my future niece/nephew...
HIIIII SWEEEEETIE IT'S AUNTY TRACYYYY! I LOOOOOOVE YOU AND I CAN'T WAIT TO MEEEEET YOUUUUU!
Ahem. Thank you.
Posted by: Fuzzball | January 18, 2006 01:06 AM
aaaayyyymen sistah!
Posted by: Annejelynn | January 18, 2006 02:02 AM
Well, you know about my longstanding mistrust of anyone who claims to have a direct line to God, and will speak to him on my behalf for a nominal fee.
I'm with you on this one - I see my friends for whom religion is a constant and a comfort and I am happy for them, and would never try to change that. But for me, I prefer to bestow my awe on nature and direct my reverence toward other living beings. I believe if there's something we are meant to do, it probably involves treating each other well and taking care of the hunk of mud in orbit that we call planet Earth.
Posted by: Bucky Four-Eyes | January 18, 2006 07:35 AM
Ah, yes, religion. Good times, good times. Very tough. I was raised Catholic, and now everything I do non-Catholic is a disappointment to my daddy, the last person I want to hurt. You share my beliefs completely. I send my daughters to a Catholic grade school, so they can get a belief system, but I expect them to make their own minds up later on and choose their path when they are older. That is exactly what your mother did, and I so totally commend her for doing that. Okay, too much information already, I'm done. Bravo to you lady, great post!
Posted by: jana | January 18, 2006 01:04 PM
The choice to believe or not to believe is a very personal one. One's personal belief system is much too integral to one's very self, to be dictated by a parent, an organization, or anyone else at all. Yours is yours. I don't love it or hate it. I respect it. And you. And I applaud you for finding your own way, not accepting someone else's. And I'm sure you'll raise your child with that kind of freedom, too :)
Posted by: Susie | January 18, 2006 10:32 PM
Here here! Organized religion is scary in a lot of ways. I like to try to be a spiritual person, but not so much a religious person.
Posted by: Amanda B. | January 18, 2006 11:23 PM
Amen (A woman, even) to that sista!
Organized religion is insane and I could not fault someone for speaking their mind, even if you did agree with religion on a whole.
Spiritual is better than religious because I believe that many religious people are not at all spiritual, but blinded by what they have been told and not what they have lived.
Posted by: Tanya | January 19, 2006 02:33 AM
Hmm, my dad kicked me out of home when I said that I didn't believe in the bible... nice. Where in the bible does it say "kick your kids out of home if they don't believe in the bible"? Yeah. I didn't think so either.
Posted by: Kylz | January 19, 2006 05:23 AM
To me, a lot of the hatred between believers and non-believers comes down to the statement, "I'm right, you're wrong."
It takes a lot of soul searching as an individual to come to terms with what does or doesn't await us after we die.
I suppose I just wish more people were respectful of one another's beliefs - exactly like your commenters above have shown.
Posted by: ieatcrayonz | January 19, 2006 10:36 AM
This was an interesting story, I like that it included a lot of the familial history.
I myself have mixed feelings about religion, good and bad.
I think religion is separate from spirituality, though for some people they are bound together.
On both the spiritual and religious counts, I think of myself as agnostic. Not militant agnostic (I don't know and you don't either)
Just agnostic agnostic (I don't know and I don't know if you know. And I'm curious about the whole thing, but it's ok with me that I don't know.)
Posted by: sheryl | February 5, 2006 08:39 PM
i was searching for a totally different thing on the internet and i stumbled upon your site. :)
i don't believe in organized religions either but i like the way some people have such strong faith in something. and how these people help others and themselves in their community.
i saw this once in a buddhist website, but i think this is what i also would like to say, "My religion is very simple, my religion is kindness".
Posted by: rio | February 14, 2006 02:00 AM
Hi... I commented you a while back, probably somewhere in the middle of your blog. I don't even remember if it was approved or not because I lost track of you, but now that I've found you, I thought I'd read from the beginning. I'd like to say that I'm with you on the religious beliefs thing, and I don't think I've ever heard it more well-put.
Posted by: Blu | July 20, 2007 05:20 PM