To put it as delicately as I am able, that sucks ass.

Do you think it would be any better to be pre-emptive in your reply? To maybe offer just enough information that further questions would be completely avoided?

I won't even presume to try to word it, as I have no comparable experience with which to weigh my words.

Hugs to you!

Not at all in a surprise, I read that with a lawyer's eye and didn't think it was a big deal until you mentioned the natural follow-up. The thing is, while I expect laypeople to ask the question that way, one would think that medical staff would/should be trained better on that sort of thing, particularly OB-GYN staff.

But then I think about me and I realize I can barely trip out a sentence about my chosen profession, so I shouldn't expect more from other people.

I love you HoneyBunny. I'm doing a baby dance for you right now.

it's okay to still be hurt, disappointed, upset and sad... know you're loved!

I think Bucky has a good idea. Perhaps you could develop a reply like "no, I had a previous miscarriage" which answers the question and closes the door on any further discussion.

*hug*

I can speak from experience, it does suck. My first long awaited pregnancy ended at 10 weeks when I started to bleed and it was discovered that there was no heart beat. Two months later, I was pregnant again and had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Three months later, pregnant again - this one was a keeper. He is now 14 months. Having to keep saying "This is my third pregnancy but only child" hurt a little less each time. But it never went away. I too would use the previous miscariage line as well. Most medical professionals will not delve more into it than that.

Hugs to you.

Hugs to you, Torrie. I know from experience with many different healthcare professionals that if you say the number, they are going to leave it at that. What does Dr. Torrie have to say?

Hugs Torrie. Whenever I was asked that, the next question was, "Was your other pregnancy full term?" Still difficult to answer, I'm sure, but maybe not as harsh.

Hi Torrie, having been through this twice, yes, it does suck. People do just assume that the pregnancies you have had have resulted in a liveborn. I think Sherri is exactly right, cut them off at the pass.

It sounds to me like you still have quite a lot of grief on board. Let me say right now, that's fine, 'cos so do I! However, I can thoroughly recommend Julie's thoughts on the matter. She has an excellent blog at alittlepregnant.typepad.com and has recently written the best post ("20/20")on how you start to feel after things have gone wrong: her 'pain scale' is terrific reading.

Big hugs to you across the world :)

Sort of going with what everyone else has said, I recall when I was in the hospital for my second child (and third pregnancy) they were very sensitive to that line of questioning. I do think giving enough information that you are comfortable with will certainly help.

You are definitely in my thoughts, Torrie!

Not that the situation is good at all, but I'm glad you posted this feeling. I will be getting into the health care business with music therapy. I don't think it would have crossed my mind not to keep asking questions even though I know plenty of people who have not been able to carry a baby to term the first few times they tried.

Even though your analogy isn't anywhere near the feeling, I went to a Muse concert two years ago just to find out that the lead guitarist had broken his hand the night before and they went back to England. I was so mad. They haven't had a concert in Dallas since then.

Just think how much love your first child will receive.

It is hard, Torrie. And the questions and awkward statements will come once in a while, but once you have that much awaited baby, the pain will get less and less. You will always have a place for that first baby in your heart, and that place will never get smaller. But as your heart grows bigger with the love of the children you will have in the future, that pain will dwindle.

I am praying and keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you and Mr. Torrie that you will have that special little baby soon!

**HUGS**

My feelings go out to you. I too miscarried my 1st pregancy. And it sucked. Once I got over it and decided maybe it was for the best and all that stuff you tell yourself, I found myself pregnant with my now almost 2 year old son. It gets easier with time, but its ok to hurt for a while.

The other day when I took my 4 year old for his checkup the nurse asked, "Do you have all boys?" I nodded. She said, "Well I guess its time for mom to try for another baby, a girl this time." I just looked at her. I wanted to tell her that I just lost a baby and to shut her damn mouth about when its time for me to try again. People just don't realize.