Your not alone there.
I look at my neice and think "My child would be your age".
I totally sympathise with you.
*HUGS*

Um, I think the first time I ever did that very same thing, I was 6 yrs old?

I always think that if I were my mother at my age right now, I'd have an 11 yr old and one more year to live.

We wouldn't be human if we didn't play the "what if" game. Do you think chimps sit around and think, "If only I hadn't thrown those feces..." No, they don't.

*hugs*

I did the same thing just last night. I hope things look up for you soon and hopefully by this time next year you'll be snuggling with a new little baby.

Why is that not healthy? Denial is not healthy. What you are doing is moving towards.... oh, what's the word.... not acceptance because that makes it sound like you are "ok" with it.... maybe what I'm thinking is.... peace. (Ok, my hokey-meter just bent from reading that.... make peace.... whatever... you know what I'm trying to convey, right?)

You will never forget those little babies. You are their mama and you will keep them in your heart forever and that's a good thing. I take time to remember and ponder every year around my baby's due-date-that-never-happened. And I find myself quiet and drinking margaritas the first week of July every year..... the miscarriage date.

Our babies were acknowledged and loved.... even if their time was short. That's important stuff.

Ummm does it mean I am weird because I have taken it one step further and actually put a pillow under my shirt???

Yeah, it's healthy, allright. Unhealthy would be denying the reality of what you went through.

Torrie, you are so not the only one who does that, so don't feel bad. It is only natural, and human, to want things to be a certain way. To wish and wish for something for so long, only to have it for a short period of time and then have it taken away, is a hard thing to wrap your head around. But eventually, you will have that baby. Every day I wish I was pregnant, and while we aren't actively trying, there is nothing that I want more in this life than to have children. I have stuffed a few pillows in my shirt in my day - it may sound weird. Maybe it is. But it is instinct. And I think it is actually healthy in a lot of ways. To get through the pain and sadness of a loss. And to look forward to the future.

What Homestead said. I even have the conversation with my daughter -- at her initiation of the topic -- about "how old would my brothers or sisters be?"
And I love Candace, but here she's wrong. Chimps DO often think regretfully of feces thrown.

Amanda would be 12 in November if I had not lost her at 5 months along.

Here's the sad thing- I already *look* about 6 months... . At the pol a little while ago I was getting dressed and a woman said to me "My daughter wore those exact same pants when she was pregnant, too! When are you due?" I mumbled "Ummm, March, I think" (it was, like, April) and she ...backed away slowly from the crazy lady... .

I vote brunette btw. Maybe with highlights. But it does show off your bee-oootiful eyes.

And just quietly, I think that we are not taught to view cyst pain as particularly severe in medical school. At least, I wasn't in mine. In fact, any pain that was gynaecologic was viewed with some suspicion. Something to do with 'hyster'ical I think. Bloody men.

ahhh, dang it, that should read "at the pOOl". Night shift brain...