The only one I have on par with that is one that has to be done in person.

Walk up to someone, grab the material of their shirt sleeve between your thumb and forefinger and ask, innocently, "Is this felt?"

They'll usually say, "No..."

Then you jump in with "Well, it is NOW!"

(thank you, I'll be here all week)

A horse walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Why the long face?"

2 men walked into a bar.

You think one of them would have seen it!

two men walked into a bar, the third one ducked.

What did the farmer say when he realized his tractor was missing?

"Where's my damn tractor?!"

I tried to find your email but could not find it so I will just tell you here in the comment section.

I was reading some of your old posts, and your post almost exactly a year ago, on Nov. 16th, titled "Peter Pan", is the very reason you will make such an incredible parent. Amazing! Never let go of that feeling.

What did the fish say when he swam into a brick wall?

DAMN!

My favorite joke is one that you have to say in person.

You: I have a knock knock joke, but you start it.

Other person: Okay, knock knock.

You: Who's there?

And then the other person just kind of sits there for a second wondering what the joke is while you bust out laughing.

It's lame, but I love it.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

OR

A ducks walks into a drugstore and says, "Give me some chapstick. And put it on my bill." (that one kills me)

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, Pirate! Do you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your fly?"

The pirate answers, "Aargh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

(from http://nofo.blogspot.com/2005/09/pirate-walks-into-bar.html)

I have two. I hope the first one doesn't offend your vegetarian sensibilities...

Q. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A. A cloud.

or

Q. What's brown and sticky?

A. A stick.

I'm truly sorry for inflicting those on you in your delicate condition... ;)

Okay, this thread is amusing WAY too much.

Cowboy walks into a saloon and notices a big commotion. He asks what's up.

"They're hanging Paper Bag Bob," the barkeep replies.

"Paper Bag Bob?" the cowboy asks. "Why do they call him that?"

The bartender answers, "His hat is made out of paper bags, his vest is made out of paper bags, his chaps are made out of paper bags."

"So why are they hanging him?" the cowboy wants to know.

"For rustling."

A sadist and a masochist are walking down the street. "Beat me!" says the masochist.

The sadist smiles and says "No."

A pair of jumper cables and a bra walk into a bar.

The Bartender says "OH no. I am NOT serving you two!!"

"Why not??" asks the bra.

"Well, you're clearly off your tits and your mate looks like he's gonna start something!"

SO this little fish was swimming up the river when all of a sudden he hit a wall - and the little fish yells - DAM!

Thats all I got for the clean ones.. :P

what do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

nacho cheese!

What did one traffic light say to the other?

Don't look at me when I'm changing.

How much does a pirate charge for corn?

A buck-an-ear!

Ok, so two nuns are driving down a road for a few hours. They stop at a crossroad and see a naked guy standing in the middle of the road, staring off into space.

The nuns try to get the man out of the way. They honk and ask who he is, but nothing happens. They ask him to move, but he just keeps staring out into space.

So after like 10 minutes, one nun says to the other "why don't you show him yur cross?"

So the other nun rolls down the window and says "HEY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE ROAD!"

Three men walk into a bar.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.