Torrie, thank you so much for sharing this with us.
I am so sorry for all the pain your family has been through and will continue to go through over this horror.
That quote is exactly what having a child is like...exactly.
xo

That's absolutely heart-breaking and terrifying. I think the quote at the end is absolutely true. And I'm glad that Paul is being punished though obviously it would have been better had none of this happened in the first place. I hope Lisa can snap out of her denial, which will probably do the most harm--to herself, to her children...

Whoa! That was a tough post, Torrie. How brave of you to write it - even more brave of your sisters and their children to survive it. I can't help but wonder... Is it possible that your sister thought she deserved getting abused, therefore didn't even consider that he'd do it to her children? Abuse is a horror and I admire every single person who lives through it. I'm glad justice was served.

My God, Torrie. I am amazed that you can even find the words to articulate this without stopping first to take a baseball bat to this guy's skull. I cannot imagine what you and your sisters have gone through, and will continue to endure.

I will be thinking of you each day when I say my prayers, and hoping that (for what it's worth) things move on in a positive direction, and you all find the strength to perservere.

I'm so sorry to hear of this. I truly am. Take care.

Torrie, I am so sorry that this happened to your poor little nieces! That man is a disgusting freak of nature, and he deserves to get the shit beaten out of him in prison. Even worse are the family members who stuck up for him or who denied the accusations. I just hope those girls can really get past it and one day lead successful and happy lives. Those poor little babies - my heart goes out to them...

Thanks for sharing, Torrie!

That quote is so, so true, Torrie. And it's so hard not to be able to protect them from anything and everything that might ever come their way.

Love and hugs to you, dear.

I've been through this before with students in my daycare, and it breaks my heart to know that children believe that they are at fault for the twisted ideas of others. But I had to understand that we learn as infants who is supposed to take care of us, and they are the ones who teach us right and wrong. They haven't been around long enough to NOT trust someone, especially family members. It's hard to fathom because we as adults have been hurt, and know what's wrong; we have that experience. On a good note, though, I've seen kids move through this. It just takes lots of time and patience, and a great support system in their corner. Be strong in that thought, and know that you and your family are in our prayers.

Torrie, you must have been through hell with this and my heart goes out to you. I believe that one day when the girls are older they WILL realise that it was not their fault and the fact that their abuser is in prison - is being punished - will hopefully help them move on.

In the meantime, the mother in me hopes that Paul gets exactly what he deserves - a lot. Hugs to all of you.

whoa. I'm so sorry.

One of the last anaesthetics I gave before I went on maternity leave was for a 4 year old girl who needed an 'examination under anaesthesia' because it was pretty clear she had been sexually assaulted. The paediatric gynaecologist was so caring and respectful but by the end of the case we were all in tears.

What really tore me up is we couldn't even put this little girl's knickers back on at the end before she woke up because the police needed them for evidence.

All just so needlessly wrong wrong wrong. So I can't imagine what it must be like to be on the family end, not just a professional spectator.

And you're right: my dad, a lawyer, did prison visits as part of his job(Ombudsman). He told us that the people most mistreated were those who had committed crimes against children. And to be honest, he didn't really care much for them either.

This literally made bile rise in the back of my throat. If anyone *EVER* did something like this to my Niece (or Nephew), I seriously do not know how I would control my anger towards them.

I am so, SO sorry for your Nieces and your family.

I feel sick after reading that. As a parent of a little girl (and a little boy) this is one of my absolute worst nightmares.

And, it worries me that I can't always protect them.

I hope he drops the soap.

This is horrifying. I cannot believe what your family has had to endure. I'm sorry. I'm so glad there's some merit to our justice system and that he's going to spend the rest of his life in prison.

Ugh, I just have no words. My thoughts and prayers are with your fam and I hope that the end of this trial brings some healing for all of you. How awful.

Oh, and I hope he becomes the bitch of a well hung man who is into pain.

OMG - how terrifying!!! My husband has 3 kids from a previous marriage and his ex-wife is a total nut job too. We found court documents showing that her live in boyfriend's ex-wife had a plenary order of protection against him for abuse. There is also evidence that he may have physically abused his stepkids with his previous wife. So, far the kids all think he's great but it's only been three years - it's a nightmare waiting to happen!

What a hard thing for your nieces and your family to go thru. I was abused by various babysitters (friends of the family and a daycare worker) when I was a child and still struggle with it. Mainly because my parents couldn't accept that something bad had happened multiple times to their child. They are still in denial about it and I make it easy for them and don't discuss it - especially on my blog. The memories have started to resurface a bit with the impending arrival of my own child, and I struggle with who I will trust with her besides me. It's hard. Thank you for this post.

I am truly sorry for your family. As a victim myself of sexual abuse by the husband of my grandmother, I can relate. It was really hard on my famliy when she stood by him. I pray for strength for you and your family during this time.

Ok, to ease your anxiety about your own babe here is what you do. You teach your child from the age of 2 upward that their body "belongs to them". When my daughter was 16 mos we read together several times a day, and one of the books we would read every week was "It's my body".
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Childrens-Safety-Abuse-Prevention/dp/0943990033
This book gave her the knowledge and power to tell me that someone we trusted had touched her in an inappropriate manner. We got help right away. She was just under 3 when it happened. The worst part was that I had been abused too. It brought a flood of emotions upfront and it was hell to go through, but I am so thankful we had read that book together or she may not have told me about it. Education and awareness is the best armour. You need to empower your child.
My daughter is now 21 and she still remembers it.
I urge all you young Mum's to educate your kids without putting fear into them. There are plenty of materials out there, be resourceful!
Ella

there are no words.

I'm so sorry for your nieces, your sister and the rest of your family. This is a horrible thing to have to deal with, which just feels like an understatement to me. It reminds me of Dorothy Allison's book Bastard Out of Carolina, which is pretty much her autobiography. She was also molested and abused by her stepfather. When it finally came out, her mother chose to stay with the abusive sob instead of caring for her. I hope you can take some comfort that the girls are receiving counseling. It really does help.

Thank you for sharing your family's very personal and very painful experience. My sibs and I went through something similar when we were kids. After two or three years I finally spoke up and nobody listened. I told my grandparents, my mother, and finally my dad. All of them sent us back into the situation until my dad finally snapped to and came to get us. When something so mind blowingly traumatic like that happens it can blow the entire family apart which is what happened to ours. The counseling will help the kids, I hope they don't give up on that. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that it's a horrible, horrible thing and I'm so sorry this happened to your family.

I don't even know what to type. It's a horrible situation. But know there's hope for those girls. I only have nightmares rarely now, and it's usually after watching a movie or reading something like this, otherwise it's a completely normal life. I pray they can find peace in both their minds/hearts and in those around them. And it's good that their stepfather's in prison, at least they'll know some people tried to protect them by putting him away, even if their grandmother didn't.

Your heart DOES walk around outside of your body and you will even feel more devastated when you have your baby and think of all the very terrible things that happen to children in this rotten world. I am so saddened by your story on so many levels- sisters in denial, a wife that stands by a pedophile and of course children who feel guilty. (Isn’t it funny that they are all just trying to grasp some normalcy in something so abnormal) I hope everyone pulls through.

It's a heart-breaking situation, but there is hope and recovery for your nieces. Kim's girls will be especially comforted to know that their Mom stood up for them, and Lisa's daughter will be able to see how caring adults protected her, even when her mom was too hurt and scared to admit what had happened.

I didn't have any of that---my grandfather/abuser died of testicular cancer (how's that for poetic justice?) with all my relatives gathered 'round and me as the lone malcontent conspicuous in my absence.

And I got better, and I built myself a rich, and satisfying (if hectically overcommitted and exhausting) life.

Your so brave to put this out there. Im sorry your family had to go through it but I hope as a unit it makes you all stronger to help those little girls like you are.
Good Luck and lots of love for you all.

Heart-wrenching! Families can be such a blessing, but in the wrong hands, complete disasters. I pray for your sister that is in denial, and hope everyone can keep a realistic outlook. I am very glad justice has been served.

How utterly horrible. Not just the physical but the trust issues. I'm glad justice was served as well...I hope you sister (the one in denial) and acts swiftly to help/protect her daughter.

I have two kids and I feel exactly like the quote you mentioned about your heart living outside of you.

I do believe that being informed, talking and talking some more is one of the best ways to protect your children. Also, listening to that inner voice that is extra careful helps too. Blessings with your future baby and good luck with the pain.

When i read your story it hits home for me. This sounds just like my family and whats going on with my little sister she feels this is all her fault and the fact no one is talking to us and is against us for going to the police she feels wrong and wishes she never came foward. I tell her everyday what they did to her was there fault sometimes it just kills me to think these people walk in the streets like nothing and make my little sister feel like she did something wrong. So i thank you for your story because it comforts me some to know Paul was punished because me being 20 years old sometimes think they'll get away with this.

When I was a boy, 6 or 7 years old, my dad, a school teacher, hired one of his male students, an athlete, to boot, to babysit me. I loved Dennis. We played games like, "The Lollipop Game," and "The Cowboy Game." I'm sure you're getting the picture. He was charming and handsome and strong, and I would have done anything he asked me to. "This will be our little secret," he used to tell me. He was such a good manipulator. He told me we couldn't discuss our "play time" with anyone because if anyone found out, we wouldn't be able to do it ever again. No threats. I loved being with him, so I kept quiet. Besides, he never hurt me and it always felt good.

Years later, I can honestly tell you it screwed up my sexuality like crazy. My preditor was a teenager, and not someone that fits the stereotype. No one ever knew the difference. In my adult life, it wasn't until I got into therapy, that I discovered what damage Dennis did to me.

I will pray for those little girls every day for the rest of my life.

I'm so sorry. I know what they are going through as this happened to my oldest daughter. If you want to discuss this, you know how to find me.

No one should have to go through that. I'm so sorry. :(

I recently discovered your blog and have been reading back through your archive.

This post made me cry.

A year ago, we found out that my brother had been abusing his son.

My gorgeous, funny, smart three year old nephew had gone through something no kid should ever have to.

None of the family - not even my nephews mum, who was working 14 - 16 hours a day - had any idea what had been going on.

Three days ago? I found out it has started again.

I don't even have the words to describe the hurt in me. The pain that I can't change this. I can't change what has happened to my little man. I cannot describe how I feel about my brother. To be honest, hate doesn't even come close enough. How can you hurt a child? How can you? I have not spoken to him in over a year. I cannot even look at him without wanting to hurt him for what he has done.

I know how hard this must have been for you to write. I've been there. The hardest thing? Talking to my friends about what had happened/was happening. I felt like this - child abuse - was something that happened to other peoples families. How could this happen to me? To my family?

The sad thing is, it happens every day, to so many kids.

It's heartbreaking.