I had an appointment with my OB today. I haven't really dilated or effaced any more since last week, which is frustrating. Frustrating because I've reached a new level of discomfort. (This is the part where you kindly keep your mouth shut and don't say things like "all pregnant women are uncomfortable at this point" because if you say something like that I might use what little energy I have left to kill you. Then I will eat you, which might give me horrible heartburn, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT.)
I hurt EVERYWHERE. And I do mean EVERYWHERE. Places where I didn't realize you could experience pain.
And I would no longer call what I (attempt to) do between the hours of midnight and 9AM "sleeping", I would call it "tossing and turning, and burping up bile, and going to the bathroom every two hours".
My husband, of course, sleeps blissfully unaware through all of it. Although I have been tempted, I haven't killed him yet because he shaves my legs for me, and puts on my socks and shoes, because I haven't been able to reach past my knees for weeks.
To add to the fun, this child has positioned herself in such a way that if I lay on my left side it is like I'm trying to balance all of my body weight on her shoulders, and if I lay on my right side all of my body weight is on her knees. Laying on my back is sort of out of the question because the extra weight I'm carrying will suffocate us both.
Needless to say that the lack of sleep is causing me to do some brilliant things- like pick up a ramekin of roasted garlic, that I had just taken out of my 425 degree oven, with my bare hand.
(The garlic, by the way, was to put on the pizza I had for dinner, because I thought, "HEY, You know what will help my HORRIBLE heart burn? PIZZA. With roasted GARLIC." BRILLIANT.)
I honestly believe that I will sleep better when I'm dealing with a crying, poo-covered, tiny human who will suck the life force out of me through my sore, cracked , boobs.
(For those of you who are tempted to speak up at this point and remind the crazy, ignorant, pregnant lady that I will get even less sleep once the baby arrives, I must remind you that I may be a vegetarian, but I will make an exception for the flesh of stupid people who couldn't keep their mouths shut. AHEM.)
When I started this pregnancy I didn't really like the idea of being induced. I wanted to go into labor naturally. That was before I realized that just when I thought I couldn't be in any more pain or discomfort, I would stumble out of bed every morning in more pain and discomfort than the day before.
Today I'm at the point where if someone told me that smoking crack while suspended under water would help me go into labor, I would start looking for a glass pipe and a pool.
So, that's why when my doctor asked me today if I was free next Tuesday, because she would like to induce me if I haven't already gone into labor on my own, I was like "HELL YES!"
That means that by this time next week, I will be the mother of a human child.
How AWESOME is that?
Something tells me that all of the pain, and suffering, and exhaustion will be worth it.
(This is the point where speaking up and telling me that "Yes! It will be worth it!" would be really helpful and might help me get through today.)
