I pretty much hate everything: I'm writing this at 2AM, so this should be interesting

I had an appointment with my OB today. I haven't really dilated or effaced any more since last week, which is frustrating. Frustrating because I've reached a new level of discomfort. (This is the part where you kindly keep your mouth shut and don't say things like "all pregnant women are uncomfortable at this point" because if you say something like that I might use what little energy I have left to kill you. Then I will eat you, which might give me horrible heartburn, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT.)

I hurt EVERYWHERE. And I do mean EVERYWHERE. Places where I didn't realize you could experience pain.

And I would no longer call what I (attempt to) do between the hours of midnight and 9AM "sleeping", I would call it "tossing and turning, and burping up bile, and going to the bathroom every two hours".
My husband, of course, sleeps blissfully unaware through all of it. Although I have been tempted, I haven't killed him yet because he shaves my legs for me, and puts on my socks and shoes, because I haven't been able to reach past my knees for weeks.

To add to the fun, this child has positioned herself in such a way that if I lay on my left side it is like I'm trying to balance all of my body weight on her shoulders, and if I lay on my right side all of my body weight is on her knees. Laying on my back is sort of out of the question because the extra weight I'm carrying will suffocate us both.

Needless to say that the lack of sleep is causing me to do some brilliant things- like pick up a ramekin of roasted garlic, that I had just taken out of my 425 degree oven, with my bare hand.
(The garlic, by the way, was to put on the pizza I had for dinner, because I thought, "HEY, You know what will help my HORRIBLE heart burn? PIZZA. With roasted GARLIC." BRILLIANT.)

I honestly believe that I will sleep better when I'm dealing with a crying, poo-covered, tiny human who will suck the life force out of me through my sore, cracked , boobs.
(For those of you who are tempted to speak up at this point and remind the crazy, ignorant, pregnant lady that I will get even less sleep once the baby arrives, I must remind you that I may be a vegetarian, but I will make an exception for the flesh of stupid people who couldn't keep their mouths shut. AHEM.)

When I started this pregnancy I didn't really like the idea of being induced. I wanted to go into labor naturally. That was before I realized that just when I thought I couldn't be in any more pain or discomfort, I would stumble out of bed every morning in more pain and discomfort than the day before.
Today I'm at the point where if someone told me that smoking crack while suspended under water would help me go into labor, I would start looking for a glass pipe and a pool.

So, that's why when my doctor asked me today if I was free next Tuesday, because she would like to induce me if I haven't already gone into labor on my own, I was like "HELL YES!"

That means that by this time next week, I will be the mother of a human child.

How AWESOME is that?

Something tells me that all of the pain, and suffering, and exhaustion will be worth it.
(This is the point where speaking up and telling me that "Yes! It will be worth it!" would be really helpful and might help me get through today.)

Comments

Everything will be better and very much worth it when you have your baby into your family.

Hope your hands heals.

Posted by: Tanya | May 9, 2007 03:20 AM

It will be SO worth it. And I think I can say this without getting eaten: the no sleep thing now is Mother Nature's way of preparing you for the no sleep thing later. At least that's what I came to believe. It all works out. The day will come when you can sleep again. But just for a little while, somewhere between weaning and dating.

Posted by: Susie | May 9, 2007 05:50 AM

I changed my mind too. Twice. Two c-sections. Two healthy bubbas.

Posted by: Tara | May 9, 2007 08:10 AM

Torrie, I'm sorry but you made me laugh, you're so cute! I've been through the same, so I know what you're going through. And yes, it's worth it!!!!

Posted by: Nathalie | May 9, 2007 08:21 AM

1) when i was at your stage i was always so thirsty in the middle of the night. screw getting a glass out of the cupboard! i would drink right out of the bottle & of course one time i dropped a full jug of wet sticky juice all over the floor. all over! there i was at 3 am, 190 uncomfortable pounds cleaning up the kitchen floor. hang in there.

2) good job on remaining vegetarian through your pregnancy. i'm vegan and had a gigantic healthy boy :)

3) if your doctor ask if you want your membranes stripped to speed up the process, it hurts. just a heads up but you'll get through it. i can tell your a tough cookie.

Posted by: autumn | May 9, 2007 08:29 AM

You know you have our love and support to make it the last piece of this (and I didn't say "Last little bit")

Posted by: New Blue Shoe | May 9, 2007 08:41 AM

Very AWESOME and...
"Yes! It will be worth it!!!"

CONGRATULATIONS...

Posted by: PrettyInTheCity | May 9, 2007 09:11 AM

I hate that you are in such agony...

Of course it will be worth it! Next week!! I'm so very excited for you, Torrie!
Here's to a smooth delivery and a healthy baby!!

Posted by: Sarah | May 9, 2007 10:55 AM

Well I happen to have been born on May 15th and it's simply a LOVELY day to have a birthday... So good luck! I hope I can share my day with you and your lil' muffin...

Posted by: Abbygirl | May 9, 2007 10:58 AM

It will be totally worth it. Even more worth it than you already think it'll be. (Did that even make sense? You know what I mean.)

Posted by: LadyBug | May 9, 2007 11:08 AM

I couldn't sleep at the end of my pregnancy, and after Sam came I felt so much better. Yeah, I still wasn't sleeping, but I had a BABY. It was so awesome. Plus, postpartum hormones help your body deal with the weird sleep patterns. If you're willing to catnap, you will actually feel pretty rested. (In my experience, of course. But I guarantee the awesomeness.)

Posted by: Annika | May 9, 2007 11:13 AM

Steve and Derek both slept through the night with only one to two wake ups as newborns and total peace at night by 3 months old. It can happen, so I right now touch you with my magic wand on your big sweet belly and give your baby the gift of peaceful sleep.

( This is special for you, usually I play the part of Malificent but for you I can be Flora Fauna and Merriweather.)

Posted by: jessicarabbit1313 | May 9, 2007 11:14 AM

Congratulations, and good luck!!

I know you will feel much better once your little girl is here. :)

Posted by: Uppahand | May 9, 2007 11:59 AM

I'm right there with you! Here's to us both going into labor on our own - like, TODAY! All the pain will be worth it. Thinking of you...

Posted by: Keely | May 9, 2007 12:25 PM

Oh dear. I feel for you. I have my fingers crossed that next Tuesday will be here soon and you'll have your little darling. And all this suffering you've been doing will be then worth it once you're holding your little one.

Posted by: Mrs. Wooden Nickels | May 9, 2007 12:31 PM

YES You are so close to experiencing the greatest joy and love in the world. Hang in there!

Posted by: londak | May 9, 2007 12:56 PM

Aw man... you hang in there, you, and have that baby today or tomorrow!

Posted by: Andra | May 9, 2007 01:12 PM

Well isn't that just nifty. Not only do we already share a birthday, but your darling little girl might possibly arrive on my Aunt's birthday, May 15th.

I hope you are able to get some sort of rest and comfort in these last 7 days.

Posted by: Aimee | May 9, 2007 01:14 PM

Awww. Welcome to the club. Now imagine doing it THREE times...in a waterbed.

You'll forget all the pain when you're holding her.

Posted by: Random And Odd | May 9, 2007 01:54 PM

Wow. This post is both scary and exciting. I wish you nothing but the best - please keep us posted with PICTURES please! :)

Posted by: victoria winters | May 9, 2007 03:23 PM

NEXT TUESDAY? wow!! Well look at it this way too, maybe she'll decide to come before then!! I hope you've got your camera nearby when she's born... she's got quite an audience waiting to welcome her!

Posted by: LazyLightning | May 9, 2007 03:34 PM

Oh man crazy sleep deprived Torrie is AWESOME!

Posted by: G | May 9, 2007 03:38 PM

I know you are in pain right now, but girl, that was one of your funniest posts ever.

Don't worry, girlie. Like you said, it will all be over very soon, and in just a few days you will be holding that precious little girl and you will be able to blissfully sleep on your belly once again. Until the baby wakes you up. ;-)

Hugs! And I wish you lots of luck this next week, and of course next Tuesday - induction day!!!

Posted by: Snickrsnack Katie | May 9, 2007 04:46 PM

It's worth it. And I'm not just saying that so you won't eat me.

Posted by: Farrell | May 9, 2007 04:53 PM

OH and also - have you told us her name? Or is that a surprise?

Posted by: Farrell | May 9, 2007 04:55 PM

First... Just think of how handy all of this misery will come in later! For inducing the guilt, I mean. "I was SO uncomfortable when I was pregnant with you, but did I give up? NO! I gave birth to you. So quit complaining."

Second... I can't help but think of how good you're going to feel once you've given birth. I remember waking up from back surgery and feeling immediate relief. I picture that for you. Plus, you have the napping with baby on your chest to look forward to. That's THE BEST!

Best wishes, as always.

Posted by: Charlotte | May 9, 2007 05:07 PM

I know I shouldn't be laughing but I am!! You have put into words what I've been feeling these last few weeks. I'll have my fingers crossed for you on the 15th. Wishing you a speedy and painless delivery.

Posted by: Cindy | May 9, 2007 05:19 PM

You are on the home stretch! Keep hangin in there! Yay you!

Posted by: Von Krankipantzen | May 9, 2007 07:01 PM

I can say with complete and honest sincerity (I'm staring straight into your eyes at this point) that your sleep quality WILL be better once you have your blessed baby.

The inability to bend over vanishes. The heartburn takes a little longer. You can WALK! You can put on your OWN SHOES!!

And your little ray of sunshine makes all that pain worth it. GOOD LUCK!

LOL post, btw.

Posted by: jen | May 9, 2007 07:24 PM

WOW! Is it that time already?

:::ducking and running so as to not have something thrown at my head or be eaten:::

I KNOW time has gone anything BUT fast for you. You're almost there, how awesome is that?!?!?

I can't wait to see her :-)

Posted by: SoozieQ | May 9, 2007 08:07 PM

I'm very excited for you and Dr. Torrie! And it is so worth it in the end. :)

Posted by: Bente | May 9, 2007 08:33 PM

*Snoopy dance*

Posted by: Fuzzball | May 10, 2007 04:25 PM

I was like bring on induction, bring on epidurals, bring everything on to get this baby out of me NOW. Even with poo, snot and mucus, cracked boobs and waking every 2 hours for feeding, it's SO much better than the last few weeks of pregnancy.

Posted by: kristen | May 10, 2007 06:56 PM

Thank you so much for sharing this journey with us...as painful and difficult as it has been so far. It will so be worth it when you hold her and that tiny, perfect hand of hers with those even tinier, perfect nails squeeze your finger for the first time.

Posted by: Anna | May 11, 2007 05:00 AM

I'm so freakin' excited for you! It'll soon be over - very soon! (although not soon enough, like today, right?)

Hang in there!

Posted by: Annejelynn | May 11, 2007 01:11 PM

So happy for you to have an end date in sight! I hope that you go naturally though, you know...cause then you'll be the mother to a poo covered baby sooner.

Posted by: Kat | May 11, 2007 02:09 PM

Even in pain you make me laugh.

Do not kick me.

Posted by: southernfriedgirl | May 11, 2007 09:44 PM

Dude, I feel you. Those last few weeks are the biggest bitch. Desperation at its ugliest. (Look here for a list of things to do.)

Love and hugs

Posted by: mrtl | May 12, 2007 07:28 AM

You're going to have your baby on my due date! At the rate things are happening here I think I am going to be late!

Posted by: Mrs. Dr. Dave | May 13, 2007 11:38 AM

I totally support cannibalism during the last few weeks of pregnancy. I'll even hide hide the bodies if you can't bend to dig the hole.

I'm adding you on Twitter to keep abreast of the developments.

Posted by: Kitta | May 13, 2007 01:03 PM