Dexter meets Willa
Here is a video of Dexter meeting Willa for the first time.
I had a hard time focusing the camera and giving my attention to Dexter and Willa, so I apologize for how wobbly the video is.
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July 31, 2007
July 26, 2007
A typical evening
Me: Ah! Mookie is putting his anus on me!
Husband: Fight through it. Walk it off.
July 23, 2007
Video of Willa
Here's what I'm sure will be the first of many videos of Willa that I will be posting.
July 19, 2007
Trying to lighten up the mood
I have two questions:
1) How long did you wait until after you had a baby to have sex?
2) Did it hurt?
Feel free to comment anonymously.
July 16, 2007
Only the good die young
On Thursday we got the results of my father's latest scan. The drugs he's been on for the last six months have stopped working. His cancer is spreading.
Ironically Thursday was also the day my father and my brother were flying to New York to visit and meet Willa. My brother has been living with my father and taking care of him. He tried to warn me about my father's appearance (I hadn't seen him since I was about seven months pregnant), but nothing could have prepared me.
I went to the airport Thursday night to pick them up. An airport attendant pushed my dad out to my car in a wheelchair. I almost didn't recognize him. His entire upper body, including his face, is skin and bones. His cheekbones looked sharp and his eyes were bulging. His arms were barely bigger than my wrists. His belly is swollen from the cancer in his liver. His legs and feet are swollen from all of the fluid the doctors have been pumping into him.
The last few days have been horrible. Watching him struggle physically was hard- he can't open his own pill bottles, he can barely get off the couch by himself- but watching what's going on with his mental health is really difficult.
His brain is still fine- he still has his amazing memory- but he is VERY depressed. I can't blame him for that, but it's been hard for me to see him like that because I know there's nothing much I can do. He's hardly shown any interest in Willa. This weekend I kept having to go into my bedroom to cry. Last night I cried myself to sleep. It took all of my strength not to cry in front of him.
And what's the right thing to do in a situation like this? Do you let the person see you cry? Show them that it's upsetting you so they know how much you care? Or, do you act like everything is fine so they think you're handling everything well? Let them think that you'll be OK when they're gone?
I have so many different emotions. I'm sad because I will miss him and Willa will miss out. He won't be around to teach Willa how to swim or ride a bike like he did for all four of his children and all four of his other grandchildren. I'm scared because I'm not handling this very well, and he's only going to get worse. I'm angry at the universe, and at my father for not taking care of himself and for giving up. (Please don't leave comments or send me emails about how I'm a bitch because I'm mad at my father for giving up. I know that I have no idea what it's like to battle cancer. I never said being angry was rational, but I can't help how I feel.) I feel guilty. Guilty because when they went home I was kind of relieved. Guilty because I don't want to deal with all of this. And guilty because I just want the whole situation to be over. I in no way mean that I want my father to die- it's just that he was diagnosed with metastatic cancer almost 2 1/2 years ago. It has been hanging over me. I can't get away from it. I think about it all the time, and it has been 2 1/2 years of phone calls between me, my brother, and my father. Phone calls to doctors. Hours of research by me and my husband. And I've spent hours upon hours in hospitals and waiting rooms. (I know, I know, I am a selfish bitch. No need to remind me.)
I want the situation to be over, but if the situation is over that means that my dad is gone, and I don't want that either.
I guess what I'm really after is a miracle.
July 10, 2007
Sleeping is for pussies
In honor of her two month birthday, Willa now has her own Twitter page.
In other news Willa had her two month checkup today. She got her first round of shots (I left the room- my husband stayed with her), and she weighs 12 lbs. and is 22 3/4 inches long.
July 09, 2007
Nicknames I have had
Boots
Spaghetti
Pachuchki
Kid
Sunshine
Ass (pronounced Aahs)
Ass Bed (Don't ask)
AB
Story
Inventory
Tor
Fiat
Jasmine
Betty Crocker
Mama
July 05, 2007
So cute it hurts
July 02, 2007
Some facts about Willa
-She has red hair
-Up until a couple of weeks ago almost no clothing fit her. Everything was too big. She basically lived in these onesies that come in a "just born" size. We even had to buy some preemie clothing for her. This makes no sense because at her 1 month check up she was 50th percentile for weight (about 8 3/4 lbs.) and 75th percentile for height (22 inches). I'm thinking the charts they use for the percentiles have not been updated in several years- babies have gotten much bigger in the last ten years. Otherwise it wouldn't make any sense as to why Willa (at almost 7 weeks) is wearing "newborn" size and the 0-3 month size is still big on her.
-For the first 6 weeks of her life she hated my right breast. Refused to latch on to it. I had to use a nipple shield. A few days ago she made peace with my right breast, but lefty is still her favorite.
-She smiles and laughs all the time.
-She is happiest right after she poops (Like mother, like daughter).
-She loves artwork. She constantly wants to look at the paintings and photographs in our apartment. She smiles and babbles at them.
-She loves when you kiss her.
-She rolled over 1 day shy of 6 weeks. This is extremely early. I expect her to be walking and talking in a couple of weeks.
-She wants to stand all the time. she keeps pushing herself up to a standing position.
-She has been holding her head up since day one.
-She is VERY strong.
-She does not sleep nearly as much as a normal baby. I am tired.
-We nicknamed her "Gizmo" because she makes all of these weird gremlin-like noises.
-She makes a lot of funny hand gestures.
-She is a daddy's girl.
-When she is unhappy she does a perfect pout.
-She doesn't mind when Dexter licks her.
-She loves taking a bath.
-She is 7 weeks old today.
-She is awesome.