I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you...even though I don't really know you. It never hurts to have someone sending good thoughts your way.

I know Hospice can be difficult to get into with space - if you need help on that end I can help with a place thats 4 hours outside of the city....I'm re-doing their website pro-bono as that's where my grandfather said goodbye...you are welcome to e-mail or post a comment on my blog and I'll help anyway I can.

I've been reading your blog for a little while now and been following the updates on your dad. I just want you to know that I am praying for you , your family and your father. I can't say I've been in your exact situation but I watched my father be sick and it wasn't easy. Please know that you can make it through this. We are all pulling for you.

Oh, and Willa...absolutely an amazing little baby, she is so adorable.

Take care okay!

I am usually just a lurker and not a commenter but wanted to say that I am so, so sorry and not to be too hard on yourself--I don't know how anybody could handle all that on their own. Try to take good care of yourself over the next few days and don't be critical of yourself. You are doing an amazing job taking care of Willa, your father, Dexter, and everybody else in your family.

Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I don't know what else to say, except you're in my prayers. Love and hugs to you, hon.

Wow, I don't think I could handle all that. But then, if I had to, I guess I would have to. I am so sorry you have to.

I love you, my friend.

My heart is breaking for you and your family right now. I can't imagine having to go through the stress of taking care of your dad while you're trying to adjust to life with a newborn. I'm glad that he's agreed to hospice care and that he's realized he needs to get to know his granddaughter while he can. Please don't let yourself get run down while you're trying to care for everyone else. They need you healthy. Find a way to make time for yourself and to make peace with these last weeks with your dad.

Virtual hugs to you.

Hi Torrie, I'm so sorry this is happening to your dad. I hope they can make him comfortable so he can enjoy his time with you and his granddaughter. Your readers will all be thinking about you.

[HUG]

Thinking of you.
I know how hard this is.
You are doing so well.

Wow, that is so much to be dealing with, Torrie. I'll be thinking of you and I know you'll get through all of this ok.

Ah, babe. I can't do anything more than send out my love to you. It's a hard, hard thing, and I'm sorry you have to endure it. I know what it's like to watch a parent falter, and all I can say is that your only course is to endure it with dignity and grace. And I know that's not helpful, but I also know that if anyone can summon dignity and grace it's you.

i'm so sorry to read this -- one of your internet "friends" is thinking of you and wishing you good things.

I'm so sorry. I'll send virtual hugs and real prayers.

In my two experiences with hospice, the people were amazing - caring and supportive and helpful and kind. I hope that you get the same kind of support.

I am just wordless. I'm so sorry. Losing my dad was the worst thing I have ever dealt with but I think watching him have to deal with what your dad is going through right now would have been worse.

I'm just sad for you. It's awful, isn't it?

this post has me sobbing... i was you 8 months ago...only with a mother and brother dying at the same time.. my brother would fall and he was dead weight..although he weighed next to nothing.. they told my brother he had one month... and he lived for three.... i wish i lived close...i know the pain you are feeling..i went to the cemetary today and laid on there graves and sobbed....please know that you will continue to be in our prayers... if there is anything.... please... let me know... i know how hard this is on you... i am going on 6 months without them... and it seems like 6 years!!!!

I'm just a lurker here recently... but I felt I should say something. But I'm not sure what... *hugs* That's really all I know to do. I can't imagine what you are dealing with right now, with your dad and taking care of a baby and yourself and all of it.

Just take it a day at a time.

Big hugs from California to you, there.

I am crying right now, Torrie. Your words have touched me, and I want to reach out and hug you and make up a cuppa tea and tell you everything will be okay. I feel so bad for your father that he has to be away from his home and doggie and that he doesn't even realize how numbered his days are. I am amazed that you are holding up as good as you are, and you should be proud of that. Your father sounds like a lovely person, and he is most definitely proud to have you as a daughter.

Also, Torrie, you may also be having some post-partum depression that is exaccerbated by your father's illness and other stresses in your life. I hope that you take the time for yourself to get all the assistance you need. You need to think about you so you can continue being the awesome mommy and daughter and wife that you are. Take care of you, Torrie girl.

I am always here to talk to - I suffer massive anxiety and have dealt with depression, and while I have never gone through what you are, I want you to know how much I care and that I am here for you. You are doing an amazing job, Torrie. I know you can get through this.

- hugs -

I'm so, so sorry. I've been away, and I'm sad to see that you haven't gotten to just enjoy Willa like you would get to in a much more perfect world.

It's going to get worse before it gets better, but I'm thinking good thoughts for you anyway. Hang in there--you're one of the toughest people I know, but this would be too much for anybody.

I'm usually a lurker too but felt I wanted to say something, just not sure what.

There is a world of people out here who are thinking of you and your dad at this time and keeping you all in our thoughts.

Wow. Hang in there. Prayers for all of you.

Oh Torrie...the weight of the world is on your shoulders right now, it is ok to need a break and vent and cry.
You have nothing to feel guilty for at all. You are an amazement to me--you don't feel strong, but you are. One foot in front of the other, you do what needs to be done. And it just sucks.
I'm thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Let whomever can help, help.
Hang in there, Mama.

I am so sorry for you and your family. Make every conversation and every day count in your dad's remaining days. Tell him the things you want him to know about you and ask him the questions you need to ask. Bring a tape recorder, take a picture, you will thank yourself later for doing this. God bless you and keep you.

I just found your blog today (can't remember how I got here), read this entry and have tears in my eyes. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I have no words of wisdom but perhaps knowing that there is one more person out there thinking of you and your family will be of some comfort.

[HUGS]
Hang in there! You and yours are in our prayers.

Torrie,
I'm sorry i'm not going to be so original here but "ditto" to "Snickrsnack Katie." Not only are you dealing with your father, which would make any person anxious and depressed, you also have all those crazy hormones creating havoc on your body and emotions. As someone who suffers from anxiety, I understand your fears--all of them. I know you don't like medication, but it may be something you want to consider. it does NOT mean you are a weak person or that you can't "hack" it. It simply means that you have too much on your plate right now and you need some assistance to get through it - there is nothing NOTHING wrong with that.
*hugs*

I'm so sorry, Torrie. I'm living it, too, though with less intensity (we're on the prolonged slow fade, here) -- and it sucks. Do what you can to take care of yourself.

I am so sorry. This is an extremely difficult situation and would be so hard for ANYONE to handle. You are doing great. Take lots of deep breaths and one moment at a time.

You may feel like a child at times, but your strength in getting through all of this is not remotely childish. I think you are amazing! And I hope that there is sunshine on the horizon.

I wish there were something I could say to magically make you feel better. Don't try and be 'strong' if it's going to make you feel worse, not better! It's an incredibly sad time for you. I think you do need to say those things to your dad that you were talking about in the previous post- like that you're sad he won't be there to teach Willa to ride a bicycle, and that you're sad to see him like he is. Maybe if he only sees you being stoic he might feel you aren't affected by his condition, like you don't realise how much he is hurting.

Sometimes in ICU we tell people to focus on the person as they were, rather than the one they see in front of them; to see your *dad* and not the frail shell that surrounds him. Practically, this might mean eg:looking at some old photos of your dad and you and re-living the good times.

Finally, I'll echo Snickrsnack Katie and Farrell's comments on how this is affecting you. One in 4 women suffer from Postnatal Depression- I'm one of them- so it's no shame to put your hand up and ask for a bit of help. I didn't want to be on meds either but it is amazing how much they help. Make sure you have some time out for yourself every day, even if it is just walking the dog.

Take care. You're a special human being. And you have every right to feel good.

ok, you got me with the tears when you said you laid willa in bed next to your dad. i really am so sorry to hear about all you're going through, being a new mom is really hard and throwing everything else on top of it makes it a kazillion times harder, as you know ... it's nice to know all of us are rooting for you though, and hopefully giving you some extra strength. hang in there.

Sweetie, please don't try to do this all by yourself. Get whatever care you can, if it includes getting a sitter for Willa, please do so.

No sleep, a baby and this situation will not add up to good things.

I feel for you guys and I hope you can have peace.

I'm so sorry to read about your trouble. My godmother's husband died recently from lung cancer and being that near to it has been tough. I can't imagine how hard it is. Take care of yourself. You'll be in my thoughts.

I am so sorry to hear what is happening right now. Good luck with everything and your Canadian internet friend gives you a big hug.

I think you are handling this with grace, even if you think you are not.
blessings on you.

I had this experience with my father from October 2004-June 2005. You are doing fine. Everything that you are feeling is okay. Just keep doing the best that you can. I am sending thoughts of strength and peace your way.

hold to those you love ~ I'm sorry you and your family and your father are going through this. love vibes to you from me.

I'm so sorry to hear how things are going for you and your Dad. And also so amazed at how strong you are and how much you're doing.

Please take care of yourself. A sitter just so you can shower, a cleaning service so you can stop thinking of the dirt, anything that helps.

My thoughts are with you.

and I was thinking just now that "TLM" might stand for "Tired Little Mummy" :)

Aw, so sorry to hear all this. Hang in there... you are doing great, even if it doesn't feel like it.

My son is about the same age as Willa, so I can't imagine all the stress you are under.

Your dad must be so frightened. I feel so bad for him. Hopefully someone can find it in their heart to explain that he has a short time to live so that he can come to terms with it.
I hope he is as comfortable as possible. Take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what this is like. Continue to be strong and to nurture your child and yourself. I'm sure your Dad knows how much you love him. Big hugs.

torrie, what can anyone truly say to express how much we wish you weren't going through so much right now and that you could have more time with your dad?

i know you will find the strength to get through it, but in the meantime try to hold onto those sweet moments with your dad and your daughter together. losing a parent must be beyond difficult; you are an amazing woman.

you will get through this day.

gosh, this is heartbreaking.

it hits especially hard because your dad's personality reminds me of my dad's, and i think i would be having the same thoughts you are. please know that you're doing the absolute best you can, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

take care, torrie.
xo, brandi.

i don't know what i can say that hasn't been said already but i really am sorry for what you are going thru. i lost my dad to a long battle with end stage renal disease. i know exactly what you mean about the adult/child thing. it was like i was suddenly the parent & had to take care of things i wasn't prepared for but all i wanted was for my daddy to be MY DADDY and not this helpless sick person. it really shakes any sense of security that having a parent once gave me. you have my sympathy and empathy.

take care of yourself & don't forget to ask for help when you need it.

My father died of cancer four years ago--and caring for him in the last month was the hardest thing. I didn't have a child then, and cannot even fathom your bravery. Please remember: this will pass. It will. HUGS!

you are amazing, you are strong, and you WILL get through this. you will do it because you love your father and your family, and you will do it because (as hard as it is) you have no other choice. and something you may not realise when times are really really hard & you don't know how you are going to do it is that there are people sitting all over the world (hi, from new zealand) who know similar places and are rooting for you the whole way. kia kaha, xoxo amanda

Other people have already given excellent advice so apart from sending hugs, I don't feel I have anything different to add. On the subject of fear, however, I think what you're feeling is normal for a new mother - particularly one dealing with a terminally ill father. Keep doing what you're doing: take one day at a time and you'll come out the other side of this.

Hugs.

Your words make me cry. I'm a new mom too and taking care of a newborn is draining and emotional enough, I can't imagine everything you're going through. I'm not looking forward to the day when I have to take care of my own parents, there is really nothing more heartbreaking. You are doing a wonderful job, the best that you can do. Be easy on yourself and no more guilt. Please take care and we're all thinking of you.

Take care of yourself. Definitely thinking of you.

I sort of know how you feel. My dad died last October and I spent his last week with him because he was in a hospital in the town where I lived (30 miles from his home). He also begged me to help him get out and go home. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. He went home with in-home hospice on a Friday afternoon and died Sunday morning. I am still trying to believe he's gone. I hope you are doing ok.