Five Months
Dear Willa,
One of my favorite bloggers (she had me over to her house for dinner once and she made me an ice cream sundae with caramel sauce and M&M's and then we stuck Cheerios to her dog's head- how could I not like her?) writes a letter to her daughter every month. I am horrible writer, and I don't have a lot of free time, so I can't/won't do this every month, but I had a few things to say.
You are such a good baby. I would never call you an easy baby- you constantly need stimulation, but there have been entire days when you didn't cry once. You smile and laugh all the time. I especially love when you wake up in the morning. You are in such a good mood, and you're all warm and snugly. Sometimes I'll bring you into bed with me and you will snuggle next to me and smile while you touch my face. Those are my favorite moments- all of us in bed together.
Your beauty scares me. I never tell you that you are beautiful; I tell you that you are smart. I don't ever want you to rely on your looks to get ahead in life. At first I thought maybe I just thought you were stunning because you were mine, but everywhere we go people comment on your beauty. People actually stop me on the street and in stores to marvel at you. You look up at them with your big blue eyes and smile. I must admit that I'm happy that you are strapped into your stroller because I'm afraid that someone might run off with you.
You love the animals. You watch them with a look of fascination on your face and you laugh and try to talk to them whenever they walk by. We are teaching you how to be gentle with them, and so far you are doing a good job.
They love you too.
When you were a few weeks old I resisted giving you a bottle because I was afraid you wouldn't want to breast feed. Well, we had a great lactation consultant who showed us the right way to use a bottle and we never had a problem. Now we have a problem, but it's the opposite of what I was afraid of. Having someone give you a bottle is not as convenient as it sounds. Every time you have a bottle I still need to drain my breasts, so I have to pump. You are a very quick eater, so it's usually just easier for me to breast feed you. We went a couple of weeks without giving you a bottle, and now you REFUSE to take one. You only want the boob. This means that I can't leave you alone for more than a couple of hours. I'm glad you like me, but it would be nice to be able to go see a movie with your father once in a while.
You are not a big sleeper. You take after your father. This is very odd for me, because I come from a family of big sleepers. Even the adults take naps. Before you came along I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night. You take two (three if I'm lucky) 1/2 hour naps a day. That's it. At night you wake up several times. I am very tired. God forbid you poop in the middle of the night because then it's party time and you don't want to go back to sleep. At least that's something you get from me- you get really happy after you poop.
You LOVE trees and plants. You get very excited when you see the trees swaying in the wind. You laugh and babble and kick your feet. I love that you love nature and it makes me feel guilty for living in the city.
You also love water. Your favorite time of day is bath time. When your father is home he likes to give you a bath. I usually stand in the kitchen making dinner listening to him singing songs while you splash.
You are totally a daddy's girl and sometimes when I watch you two together I think my heart might burst. The love that I feel is so overwhelming that I forget to breathe.
You love books or anything with writing on it and you love when we sing to you. You try to sing along.
You are very healthy and strong. You've been rolling over from front to back for a while while now (you were a day shy of six weeks the first time you did it!) and th other day your father put you down in th middle of the bed on your back and when he turned back around you were on your belly. He was stunned. You were smiling, obviously proud of your accomplishment.
You are so awesome that I admit that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like there is no way the universe could have gifted me with such a fantastic child, and it's all going to be taken away from me.
I hardly told anyone that we had a health scare with you recently. You have a lump in your leg. I was terrified that it was something horrible. That the doctor might say the "C" word to us, but it turns out that it was just a reaction to a shot you got. I have never been so relieved in my life.
There's something I want to thank you for. I don't know how I would have gotten through my father dying without you. Your smile is infectious, and without you I probably would have been curled up on the floor crying. Thank you for giving me a purpose and for being such a wonderful distraction.
When I was a little girl all of my friends wanted to be ballerinas, or veterinarians, or doctors. I just wanted to be a mother. That's all I've wanted my whole life.
You were worth the wait.
Comments
Awwwwwww. She is the second most beautiful baby in the world. And you are a lovely, lovely mom.
Posted by: Nilbo | October 17, 2007 12:45 AM
It is so beautiful, you should save this post so that when she is 25-30 yrs old she will totally understand what you are saying. Before that age i don't think we 'really' understand such powerful words/sentences/posts.:)
Posted by: floridagal | October 17, 2007 01:35 AM
That was beautiful. I am truly happy that you have been blessed with such a sweet lovely baby. Her pictures make even me, the die-hard childfree person, melt.
Congrats on surviving the first 5 months.
Posted by: Tanya | October 17, 2007 04:01 AM
Who says you aren't a good writer? This was beautiful. Just like you and your daughter. (It's ok, she'll be smart too.)
Posted by: Ern | October 17, 2007 04:23 AM
very, very, very sweet.
I always knew I wanted to be a mommy, too. I lack the words because you already said it so nicely.
Posted by: Farrell | October 17, 2007 08:39 AM
Damn. I have tears rolling down my cheeks now. Good thing I work at home. ;-)
Beautiful post. I really wish I had done these kind of letters when my daughter was a baby.
I'm so happy for you Torrie...and Willa *is* ridiculously beautiful. The photos take MY breath away!
Posted by: Sarah | October 17, 2007 08:47 AM
That is a lovely post. She obviously has your beautiful eyes. Her relationship with your animals and nature is something I hope my future children will have.
Posted by: andrea_frets | October 17, 2007 11:05 AM
Torrie, this was a beautiful post, you're a wonderful writer and photographer and you have an inspiring daughter. I must admit...got a bit choked up about Willa being what got you through your dad's death.
Posted by: Li'l Foot's Mommy | October 17, 2007 11:57 AM
This is lovely. We've had medical scares this month also. It's hell when you think your child is ill. I'm glad Willa is well. Hugs to both of you.
Posted by: Keely | October 17, 2007 12:33 PM
*sniff* She is a very beautiful and smart little girl-she takes after her folks.
Posted by: Von Krankipantzen | October 17, 2007 02:00 PM
she is a beauty!!! and so is her mommy.... i cried when i read this..i know what you mean about the loss of your dad and her getting you through.. when i lost my mom and brother three days apart...i wanted to die.. but my three children kept me alive...we still pray for you everynight at bedtime!!
Posted by: gina | October 17, 2007 08:36 PM
Wow. I won't even say how I found this website, but what a moving piece! It sure made me wish I had written to my kids when they were babies.
Posted by: Gregg | October 17, 2007 08:41 PM
Damn it. Way to make me cry.
Posted by: southernfriedgirl | October 17, 2007 09:44 PM
so beautiful. willa is going to love reading that when she is older. you can feel the love seeping from every word.
Posted by: elizabeth | October 17, 2007 11:56 PM
i don't even like babies - i mean i really don't like them - and *I* think Willa is gorgeous. and i love that she loves the animals!
also, this was a lovely letter, but you probably shouldn't share it with her when she's, oh, 12 or 14 or thereabouts. you'll embarrass the pants off her. (can't you hear it in your head? "mOOo-oom! how could you? how could you publicly write about my poop?")
glad that the whole family is beautiful and seems to do well.
that last b&w photo looks like you're in Paris.
Posted by: kbryna | October 18, 2007 12:30 AM
precious ::sob::
Posted by: mrtl | October 18, 2007 03:41 AM
Oh Torrie, what a beautiful letter and what a lucky woman you are.
Posted by: Cristy2324 | October 18, 2007 07:18 AM
Smart AND beautiful, yes, I agree, she will surely be both, and IS both. She is lovely, as was this letter. Happy! family.
Posted by: kerrianne | October 18, 2007 04:33 PM
god, torrie, she has got your gorgeous eyes for sure. so pretty. :)
this was very sweet. it's so nice to see so many precious pics of willa, too.
Posted by: Sarcomical | October 19, 2007 12:43 AM
Hi - so fun to find your blog.
My dad wrote my sister and me letters when we were about Willa's age. Our grandma dug copies of them out one day ... and it was so amazing to read his thoughts and hopes for us. We were in jr high/high school when we first read them.
As deep into adolescence as she gets, she will never tire of hearing how much you and her dad adore her ... or of how impossibly cute a baby she was. :)
Posted by: me | October 20, 2007 02:12 AM
Willa is lucky to have a wonderful Mommy like you! This letter will be great for her when she has her first child.
Having recently had a baby girl, I can't wait for her to be at the stages that Willa is at. I love her so much already that I can't imagine how much it will grow through time.
Posted by: Bryna | October 20, 2007 03:21 PM
My God, what a beautiful post. I can't wait until I can experience motherhood for myself! :)
Posted by: Catherine | October 20, 2007 09:19 PM
Aw, that was nice Torrie!!!
Posted by: Jonathan | October 22, 2007 12:52 PM
Oh my I just want to squeeze her!!! She is GORGEOUS. You are not biased. She is perfect.
I love the lying around in bed too, if it weren't for a 7-year-old who MUST jump on the bed and crack me right in the nose.
Posted by: jana | October 23, 2007 02:58 PM
Just found you. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Thank you.
Posted by: Meg | October 24, 2007 04:56 PM
you're such a great mom, torrie, and willa is amazing.
thanks so much for sharing her with all of us.
take care.
Posted by: brandi | October 24, 2007 11:18 PM
Those pictures are beautiful!
Posted by: Tuesday | October 25, 2007 05:25 PM
What a touching post ::sob::
The pictures are wonderful - she is a real beauty.
Posted by: Sara K | October 25, 2007 06:44 PM
Wow, Torrie - that was beautiful. Willa is one of the most gorgeous babies I have ever seen, so you definitely aren't alone in seeing her beauty. I can tell she is the light of your life.
Posted by: Snickrsnack Katie | October 26, 2007 11:46 PM
I have lurked your site for a loooong time. This post was so incredibly beautiful that I'm delurking.
Willa is beautiful and this post was incredible. I love how mothers love their babies. She'll feel so blessed when she's old enough to realize what an amazing mom she has.
Posted by: Talea | October 27, 2007 02:09 PM
She's lovely and you take some damn good photos, lady!
Posted by: victoria winters | November 1, 2007 02:29 PM
She is a beauty!
I go to church with a lady who has two beautiful children. Because they're so cute, she's afraid that they'll be kidnapped so she's drilled into them what to do if a stranger approaches them. It's a scary, scary world.
Posted by: JP | November 9, 2007 10:59 PM
What a lovely baby! She is so cute, beautiful and joyful and I could not help smiling happily when I saw her images. I will come back.
Posted by: hong | May 11, 2008 03:34 AM