I feel badly for you...I know exactly how you feel. My husband leaves the house at 5:30am and is not home before 10pm most nights. He sees our son when we put him to bed on Sunday night and then not again until Saturday morning. And it's been this way pretty much forever. I have no words of wisdom for you other than asking if you've tried to find a mom's group. We recently moved and I once again have no friends but in our previous state, I had managed to find a great group of moms...it didn't cost much, the kids had a chance to play together, and we (the moms) all got a desperately needed mini-break during the week. While we were still "moms", it was just nice to have adult conversation. I hope it gets easier, somehow, for you...

That sounds really hard. Is there anyone in your building that might be able to walk Dexter for that late night walk so you don't have to go out? If you can't leave Willa with anyone, perhaps you can let someone else do the other part?

I wish I could help. I feel pretty useless, sorry. :( Just know that I love you and I'm here for you whenever you need to vent.

Lora- I have gone out to lunch with several people- both moms and non-moms It definitely feels good to get out, but I'm still taking care of Willa between bites of food.

Pocklock- Ironically all three of the people I am friendly with in my building are moms who wouldn't be able to walk Dexter because they have their own kids to watch. Also, even if I could find someone, I would be hesitant to ask them more than once or twice and this happens several times a month.

It is cold comfort that I have to offer, but that's the only kind you're going to get, darlin', so accept it with the same degree of affection with which it is offered:

This is a horribly hard time, I'm sure, and I deeply sympathize. But look at it this way - you embarked on a long journey (married life and kids) and the roughest, rockiest part of the road is at the very beginning for you. But it will gradually get smoother and smoother and easier and easier until at the end - when some of your friends are on the rough and rocky parts - you'll be sailing smoothly. Willa will never remember the privations you are enduring. By the time she'll be able to form lasting memories, you two will have worked together to give her a privileged life.

You're enduring the "pain" part of "no pain, no gain". It will make the rewards all that much sweeter when you can sit with a glass of scotch or sherry and say "Remember that year when ...?"

One day at a time, one step at a time, eyes on the prize, and prop one another up. It's the only way to do it. No short cuts, no free passes.

Sorry I can't give you more, honey. But you'll tough this out. You've been through worse. You're strong and you're bulletproof.

My husband is a chef and has a surprisingly similar schedule. It totally sucks and in 10 years has never changed. I wish he would just get a damn day job but I just dont see it happening.

So I know nothing about this, but what about hiring a dog walker? I know you said you're low on money, but maybe someone could gift this to you if you found someone who could do a late night walk?
Besides that, I've got nothing except hugs and support. Being a mom is hard enough, I can't imagine being in your situation.

Keely, I have thought about hiring a dog walker, but money is an issue. Also, I have asked several dog walkers what the latest time they do walks is and they've all said 6-7pm.

I am feeling your pain honey. This is the hardest job I've ever had, and it's good to hear someone else's feelings on the subject.

Papa Nilbo. Always a good papa. :D

Torrie - I feel for you honey. I am soon embarking on the same journey, however without animals. My husband is a 2nd year resident in the 6 year program and we are due with our first in April. I've come to the conclusion that I will be a single parent. ;) I have found great relief in getting to know other resident's wives and they have become my support system (we moved here due to residency, no family nearby). The good thing in this case is that the majority of other resident's families also came from across the nation and are in the same boat. Hopefully if this fellowship takes you away from your current location that you will find support with the other new and current fellows.

Ok, this might peg me for the bad mother I am but.... how far does your baby monitor range?

I can go clear to our lower barn and still use ours. I just put some music on in the baby's room so I can hear I'm still in range.... might not work with an apartment/dog walking situation but it is an idea. Ok, maybe a really bad idea....

I feel for ya. Hang in there.

A few things..

Ok - I have no kids as of now, though have been a nanny.
The following possibly very stupid question is one thing that makes me question whether I even Should have one - is it totally impossible to just leave Willa sleeping while you give Dexter a quick walk?
I mean, what would be the difference if you lived in a 2 story house, and you took him even out in the yard?
I don't know the distance those baby monitors work, but what if you took that with you as well?
Just a thought.

Also, have you ever been to urbanbaby.com? They have a fantastic message board - gals are on there at all hours and it's not just about babies - they chatter away about Everything.

And, just to echo Nilbo a small bit - one thing I've discovered in my 41 years is that at times, it feels like the situation you're in at a given time is going to go on forever and you're just stuck and miserable etc etc.
This WILL seem like a small blip on the radar years down the road - small comfort now I know, but...
I wish I lived closer to you - also small comfort - but I wish I could walk Dexter for you or babysit so you could have some "me" time that you clearly need.
Just know we're all pulling for you Miss Torrie...
You have so many blessings right now, but I know it's still hard.
Chin up little buckeroo...
Willa be a year before you know it, and Mr. Torrie will be out of that fellowship and into something hopefully much better for all of you.

Homestead, we live on the 32nd floor of an apartment building. I actually knew someone who lived on the 29th floor and used to leave the baby in the apartment and take the dog out. I'm just not comfortable doing that. What if there was a fire? Or the elevators stopped working (this actually happens ALL THE TIME in my building)? Or, what if, god forbid, something happened to me while I was walking Dexter. There's just too much of a chance of something going wrong.

Oh man...I wish I lived in the city and could help you. I'd totally walk your dog for you. I work here in the city, but I commute from up north about a 2 hour commute. My heart breaks for you to have to take Willa out while she's trying to sleep. So sorry Torrie.

Hi there, I found you from a link at Finnegan the Irish Wolfhound's blog. My husband is an attending in NYC and we "only" have a puppy, but it's still pretty hard going. Because all the money in the world doesn't make up for that lost time. And even last night, my husband was on call and Biggie didn't get a chance to see him at all. I was getting ready for bed and the pup insisted in sleeping by the front door, waiting for him to come home. I had to coax/drag him into his crate.

All of that being said, it *does* get incrementally better each year; it just happens so slowly you don't notice it. And unfortunately Dr. Torrie will never have the kind of time that dads who work a "regular" schedule have. Unless he does pathology...

Hang in there. I just found your blog and I think it's amazing.

i read your blog religiously and never comment. this one i had to. my sister lives in boston with her german sheperd and her husband is a dr. at beth israel. he works horrible hours, just as you speak of...and every second he is home, he wants to sleep. we keep begging her to get pregnant and she keeps saying she just doesn't think she can do it all alone. and i never really understood until i just read this post. it is exactly what she would be going through. and its selfish of us to want them to have kids now! and i think the cold weather makes everything worse! in my opinion.
hang in there!

Knowing your husband's schedule...didn't you take this into account before having a baby? I would imagine you knew what you were getting into before you took the leap. If you didn't think you could handle essentially being a single parent during this time in your life then you shouldn't have had a child yet.

Would it be possible for you to leave the babes with one of the other moms will you walk Dexter? That way you wouldn't be taking her out in the cold....

It feels like yesterday; our daughter was born in the second year of my husband's residency, which meant he was gone every third night, asleep on the couch the next and awake for one out of the 3. Our daughter refused a bottle, so I could never leave her for very long, plus she had a lot of separation anxiety which meant she would scream most of the time I was gone. She didn't sleep through the night until she was FOUR YEARS OLD. Now she is 18 and getting ready to go off to college. And I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Kate- I don't have the time nor do I think you deserve the effort for me to write a witty retort so a simple "FUCK YOU" will have to suffice.

I am the commenter Sistah's sister (I sent her your way b/c I knew she would understand) and what she did not add is that she was clear across country with no family around. Even though I am sure it was incredibly hard, she survived! I don't have children yet so I can't imagine the stress of feeling alone, exhausted, and frustrated while raising a baby. Take care of yourself!

Darling torrie, you are doing it so hard. I have some sympathy on the husband front: although the longest shifts he does are the twelve hour variety but he does have a 45-minute commute. And as you'd know, that twelve hours can sometimes stretch into thirteen or fourteen... . Fortunately (or unfortunately, really) Patrick doesn't sleep through, so he always gets to see him at night!

I wish I had some magic answer for you, I really do. I'd look after Willa for you in a heartbeat if I could, just so you could get out for some 'you' time. Just some thoughts:
1. Can any of your single/childless friends look after Willa for you at least once a week for an hour or two so you can get out alone? It's time to call in all those favours they owe you... Maybe rotate them so you get a break at least once every week. By the way, if you are feeling in any way guilty about wanting some time out, banish those thoughts immediately!
2. Can you gradually get Dexter to go out earlier so that it coincides with Willa's sleeping?
3. Does the husband have any leverage with his hours once he's doing his fellowship? (And is he subspecialising? Just curious)
Finally...
4. You do sound very stressed and quite sad, too. I had to admit defeat and get some help- pharmaceutically. It really, really does help me with the feelings of hopelessness and being so overwhelmed. It's not like I've given up swimming- I'm just using a life-ring. Please consider it. :)

and kate- Bloody well get a dog up ya. That's Australian for FUCK OFF from me too.

My husband is a fellow as well, so I feel your pain! Can you move closer to his hospital next year? 1 1/2 hours is a long time for him to drive when exhausted, and it will impact you too. Also, what about you going to work?

I have to concur with a few of the posters above--if I lived near by, I would gladly walk your dog. I have two dogs and I've been a nanny, which maybe makes me more sympathetic than the average person, but if I were you, I wouldn't yet reject the idea that someone would be willing to come over a few times a month and give the dog his last walk around the block. Don't be afraid to ask for help! (And, as an aside, since you live in NYC, there have to be people who'd love to have a dog but simply don't have the space/time--I think these people are your prime target--the novelty value of getting a nice adult dog walk might be higher than you think.)

I'm so sorry you're stressed about this, so I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, your lovely baby, and your dog.

As someone who is the single & childless friend, I can tell you that when I say 'I'd love to watch your kid sometime' that I really do mean it! Spending time with my friends' babies is such a gift because 1) takes care of the baby itch & 2) it's a kick in the pants to have a mini-version of them running around. Alas ... they rarely (rarely!) call me, because they don't want to impose. So ... long story short ... if anyone has offered to watch Willa, even if it is for a few minutes while you are home so you can shower, nap, eat, etc, I'm sure he or she would jump at the chance. Shoot, if my friends' kids were as cute as she is I'd be knockin' down their door! (Er, don't tell them I said that ...)

Hang in there :)

Just wanted to clear a few things up-

1) When we decided to have a baby we did not know that my husband was going to do a fellowship. Not that that would have changed our decision anyway- if we had waited for the "perfect" time to have a baby then we never would have had one. We've been together for 10 years and I'm 31 years old. IT WAS TIME. (I can't fucking believe that I'm even justifying this- I shouldn't have to.)

2) I can't really say much more about where the hospital is- I'm trying to protect my husband's privacy- but, no, we can't live much closer to the hospital.

3) The days my husband are on call are different every week. So, I can't hire a dog walker (even if we could afford it) because they all want a consistent schedule.

4)I can't take Dexter out any earlier. As it is he ends up going 10-12 hours over-night.

5) The majority of my friends are lawyers, doctors, bankers, etc. and they don't have time to watch Willa. Even if they did- Willa is not yet at a point where I can leave her for more than two hours because she REFUSES to take a bottle (and yes, we've tried EVERYTHING). My friends who are home more often are mothers and are watching their own kids. I have very few single friends.

6) For those of you who are being supportive, THANK YOU.

It seems that there are no easy answers, otherwise you would have thought of them already. Sometimes all we need is a little commiseration! I think a lot of us with young families trying to get our careers going, trying to find a stable place to live, trying to raise infants, go through some pretty hard times financially/emotionally/maritally...I think Nilbo made a similar point. This too, shall pass =)

Oh, Torrie.

Well, let's see. I don't have it quite as badly as you do. Swap out your dog for our two (soon to be one) car, which I have to move every day except for tuesday or I get a 40 dollar ticket. And if I wait until it's too late, every spot is taken. And worse? There's no carseat in the Volvo, which is why we're selling it. I can't juggle two cars right now and take care of a baby. That's a long, and really annoying saga in this household. I literally run out the door the moment TobyJoe walks in so I can move both cars. It usually takes me at least a half an hour to find two spots. This is one of the many reasons we are leaving this city. I am done with it. I had no idea just how done with it I was until I had my son.

Anyway, I don't have any good advice for you, sadly. I just keep thinking that it might be hard now, but things will be better soon.

I guess if I were to give any advice it'd be to maybe move out of New York City. haha! It seems life gets a whole lot easier when you move somewhere less hectic. I am basing this on the fact that the moment I took a step outside the car visiting my parents in PA, an entire weight lifted from me. My anxiety dropped to undetectable levels.

I am more and more convinced that in order to comfortably live in NYC with kids, you either have to be stinking filthy rich, or poor as hell. Anywhere in the middle is rough.

I'm rambling.

Move to Brooklyn. I'll walk your dog and take care of your little one. We can make a commune. :]

For the last few months, my husband traveled as a consultant for work. When we adopted our dogs, I had never owned dogs before and I cried every time my husband had to leave on Sunday to drive back to work because I felt so incapable of taking care of two needy dogs on my own.

I'm sure there are those who would say that I shouldn't have gotten the dogs, then, if having them was going to stress and freak me out so much, but the fact is that I was ready, it was just that I had never had dogs before, and so even though I made the decision deliberately, it was still new, and still overwhelming to suddenly have this new responsibility.

Now - this is as close as I get to really understanding what you're going through right now, and I know that it is far different from what you're experiencing. I guess I'm just trying to say that we make decisions based on our circumstances at the time and the information we have on hand. But if the decision we're making is major and we've never done it before, then it stands to reason that it might have unexpected stresses or complications.

I've been reading your blog for a while, and I have no doubt that you'll make it through these tough times.

And this is YOUR blog - so please, do not feel the need to justify ANYTHING to any of us.

I feel your pain. My husband is an attending and only sees the kids on the weekends so I don't get any break during the week. Sometimes I'm up during the night with one and all day with the other and they both hate to nap. So, I should be sleeping since they are sleeping now but I love your blog and think that you are doing a great job with your beautiful little girl. No advice here because I'd need some too. It will all work out. What type of fellowship? My husbands fellowship didn't have any call. It was a wonderful year. Now it is hell. Plus, he just made partner. So, yeah we have more money-I just don't have time to spend any of it. Keep posting!!

I've no advice, only support. From the looks of the comments, you have more lovely readers than assholes (for crying out loud, why do some bother with the shitty comments?).
You have a beautiful baby and are in a rough spot. I can't say that I'd be able to handle it well; I know you'll pull through. Having successful friends, of friends who are also parents, isn't always helpful. It's a double-edged sword.
Anyway, take care -- all the best.

Hang in there, Torrie. From what I've read on your blog you're one tough gal. It is hard.

This is your blog, vent away.

I sympathize with you as I know how hard it is to do everything alone. I feel the same. No one should ever say to you that you shouldn't of had children if it's too hard. Those people don't understand what it means to become a parent. It is hard to be parent but the hard is out weighed by the overwhelming goodness it brings to your life. So Forget them.

Just like every other difficult situation you've encountered in your life you'll get through this one.

Take care. And know that you're not alone in what you are feeling.

I didn't read through the comments very thoroughly so somebody might have suggested this already but maybe (if you think it was doable) put up a notice in your building offering to take some 9-5 working person's dog out midday for a brief walk in exchange for them taking Dexter out before bed. It is a win/win situation and you'd be out with Dexter at some point during the day anyway and they'd be out at night with their dog as well so no huge extra effort required.

As far as just dealing with the frustrations of being without hubby for such long periods of time, I have no good ideas. That part seriously sucks. Is there a chat/web/support site/group out there for new moms and dads who are dealing with horrendous working schedules? It would be great for commiserating, networking and problem solving. Hey, you could start one!

no advice, sorry, other than to ask if you can find high school/college students in your building to help out for minimal dollars - or a building nanna who'll help for baked goods?!

you will get through this

Hey Torrie,
I read your blog a lot but don't comment too, much. I'm in suburbia-land, BUT, my brother and sister-in-law live in NYC on 57th Street. Is this close to you? I understand not wanting to give away details of where you live, etc., but just comment "yes" or "no."

If "yes," then I think they can help you. My brother is in the financial industry and gets home around 7pm. He then takes out their two Chihuahuas later on at night. If you live close, then I'm sure Dexter would be a very manly dog for my brother to walk! (as long as Dexter isn't too embarrassed to be seen next to two silly little chihuahuas).

Just let me know and I'll put you in contact with them. They've been in NYC for about 8 months now. My sister in law is super-cool, your age and has a 3 year old little girl who is darling. She is looking for other mom's to hang out with, too.

Best to you and lots of hugs!

The 32nd Floor?!?!?! Holy Shit. I can't even count that high. Can I come visit?

I feel like an ass for even suggesting the baby monitor. Ok, my only other idea is for you to move here and we can run our dogs together.... probably not super appealing... but our hospital is on the seek for good docs....

I don't normally read all the comments as they would take forever but you had indicated that you answered some questions in them so I did.

So I saw Kate's response.

Wow.

OK, I am not a mom. I hope to be someday and have come to the conclusion that there is no good time to expand your family. It simply does not exist. Hubs and I are trying actively (wiggling eyebrows) to get knocked up and yeah, we are both employed and have insurance and have a warm home in which to put future spawn but are there things going against us? Uh sure. Of course. That is the same for everyone.

Torrie, all I can say is that you are doing everything you can. You know that, Dr. Torrie knows that. That's all you can do. I don't have any sage advice except to say that I'm here, I read you and you inspire me.

I hope that you can find some solutions to your problems. I wish I could help. You know I just wanna moosh my face against Dexter's cuteness, but now that Willa is there, man, that's kinda hard. It would be a toss up as to who I would abscond with so you could do something exotic.

Like shower.

:)

My husband doesn't work in medicine, but works in one of those crazy schedule, doesn't see the baby for days on end jobs, so I feel your pain. Luckily (HA!) the wee one is up at least once in the night, so they get their "quality" time then. We have a dog as well, but have the luxury of living outside the city where I can just let him into the yard to do his stuff on his own. Any chance of yardage for you if you need to move?

My son just turned a year old. This past year was part bliss, part hell on wheels. You WILL get through this, but don't be afraid to reach out for help as much as you can - I've found this year that people are more than willing to help if I ask...I just had to get over the guilt of asking! The bigger network of Moms you can develop, the more chance you'll have of finding just that right person to help you out in whatever jam you may be in.

Good luck, stay strong!

EEEWWW @ leaving the baby alone on the 29th floor. That lady is crazy! Stepping into the front yard of your home is one thing. Cant leave your little model alone now. :0)

Torrie, I can definitely empathize, at least on some level, with you. Granted, I haven't had a baby yet of my own, but we do have my stepson half the week, so for the first five years my stepson's life, my husband worked as a restaurant manager. These hours are HORRIBLE. Very similar to the hours your husband worked. Many times, the days that we do have his son, he wouldn't be home barely at all to see him. He would work from 5:00 p.m. until 2:00 in the morning, sometimes 3:00 in the morning, and then come home and sleep until after noon. I had to do everything - cooking, cleaning, taking care of the child, every thing. It was horrible, although we did seem to manage somehow and enjoy our time together. Recently he got another job, a nine to five, but that fell through after a few months and now he is back on the fast track to working back in a restaurant. I am scared that I won't barely see him again, but I know that things will get better. And to that assclown Kate who said that someone shouldn't have kids if they have conflicts like this? She can fuck off. My husband and I plan on starting to have a child in the next year or so, and it shouldn't matter if one or both parents has crazy hours at work. You do what you gotta do. But that doesn't make it EASY.

I can't give you any more advice than to just stick it out - and to make sure to take all the help you can get from whoever can give it. And we are all here for ya'. And next time I am in NYC (which is January), I am so coming over to walk Dexter. :-)

i don't have any great advice either - except that i hope (as someone who has been trying to start a family for way too long) you take time out from being exhausted every now and then and just be grateful for the gift of your daughter. the job/exhaustion/dog/life stuff will work itself out. i used to worry about how kids would fit into my life, feelings that i now feel like an idiot for wondering since it takes about as much coordination to HAVE a kid when your body won't cooperate. i know you went through some hardships before willa was born, and i can tell by your blog that you wouldn't trade your experience as a mom for anything. so i guess (as silly as it might sound) maybe you can try thinking about all those women out there with empty arms who would love to have your problems. you have a truly beautiful daughter - and dexter's pretty handsome too - and even though it doesn't feel like it right now, i think you are a very lucky woman.

PS: maybe the good thing about not knowing where you're living next year is you can take all these struggles into account when you move? maybe something closer to the ground floor -maybe even something with a patio for the dog? my brother lives in brooklyn in a pretty nice place and they even have a little outdoor square for their pup...

So I haven't read through all the comments, but just wanted to say I'm headed down the same road. My husband has just started Residency interviews for General Surgery, so it all starts for us June '08. We're really hoping for a Residency that has home call, but we can't get our hopes up since we're not ultimately in control. We're also going to start a family straight out of med school, and I am really hoping we end up near family, but I will also be proactive in making friends with other residents' wives as I'm sure I'll need their support and understanding. It's going to be a long, long road. Good luck! I really enjoy your blog though I've never commented before.

My father is a doctor. I so totally know what you mean. So many demands on his time. He was (for the most part) a good father, but we went on so many trips without him. He used to get call every third weekend for his group, and my mother would just pack us up and we'd leave town to visit my aunt. It was better for everyone that way. I simply cannot imagine what it would have been like if my sister and me had been around during his residency. I really feel for you.

Hi Torrie, just checking in to see if you are doing any better with this issue. I'm one of the wives of attendings who commented earlier. Unlike you, I put off (and have continued to put off) having kids and it's also, or still, been a hard road. There are no easy answers. I'm a lawyer in NYC and the hours are grueling. Last night I chose to go home "early" at 9:30 pm so that I could spend some time with Dr. Biggie and the puppy. The good Dr. took care of dinner and pretty much all I did when I got home was sit and eat with him and watch some TV. But then when he went to bed at midnight, I sat down to do more work - until 2:30 am.

Up at 7am to take care of the pup and get in to the office early since I have to leave at 11am to take the puppy to the vet. Dr. Biggie's operating, so even though I have a ton of work, my hours are more "flexible" because they're mainly spent at a desk.

I suppose "Kate" would say that at least I have the flexibility to work at home, and it's true we make a lot of money now. But it wasn't always like that. When we were just starting out it was horrible hours AND no money. So. I guess what I'm saying is, Happy Thanksgiving, seize all the joy you can, even if it's in 5-minute snippets between your baby's and your hubby's naps, and rest assured it WILL get better. Slowly, it will.

Someday, in the not-too-distant-future, you will have a weekend day (every few months, ha!) where none of you will be sleep-deprived, none of you have to work, and there is nothing pressing that you "HAVE" to do. Look forward to that day. Sleep in. Love each other.

(Now I just have to learn to apply that to my own life... do as I say, not as I do!)

Best,
Biggie's mom

(P.S. I tagged you on my blog)

it's interesting to see how many of us women are having to put up with the daily grind of our husbands job. I'm sorry that it's that way for most of us. I have a 2 and 4 year old and I feel like the single parent syndrome...but heck, even when he's home, he's mostly on the sofa watching football anyway, so what do I expect? The thing for our family is this, hubby wont look for a different job. He leaves at noon and comes home just before midnight most nights.. that and the new boss has taken roughly $14K out of his pay in the last two years since her hostile takeover of the franchise his mother used to own. I keep asking him why dont you look elsewhere for a job.. at least one that is 9 to 5 or 5 to 9 so as to let me go out and work and make money too. Anyway, I know I'm not much help for your personal situation, but at least you can know that there are others who are dealing with the same issues of the absent-t father.

I just stumbled across this blog and it has made me feel like I am not alone. 2 1/2 years ago my husband and I moved to FL from MD. We both had lived in MD all our lives and that is where our family and friends are. We both worked in Real Estate-which declined precisely the moment we purchased a home in FL. My husband still works and I am now a stay at home mom. I had a baby in April '07. I will not go back to work because I do not feel comfortable putting my baby in daycare, especailly in the area I live in. I have never really made any friends here since I was always working and don't really know of anyone who could handle watching my baby. My husband is always working, but not making any money which makes things even worse. I am having a very hard time handling motherhood on my own. I really need my family! My husband just refuses to move back to MD. We are also having financial difficulties seeing that my husband has not had any sales and we do not have my income. I feel that if we moved to MD then I would feel more comfortable putting my baby in daycare, especially in the town I grew up in. I would also have my family to help out once in awhile. I am afraid that if I force my husband to move back to MD that he will resent me. I feel so trapped. One other piece of info-my son goes to physical and occupational therapy 2 times a week for an hour. And I have not felt physically good since having my baby. I started with achy and stiff feet and hands and have been under going testing to see if it could be RA or Lupus. All this and my husband wants me to help him with his work. See someone else always has it worse!

I have been married for over 27 yrs and wish that I had gotten out of my marriage while I was younger. Even with small children. It never, never, never, gets better. Get out now! Now, I'm 49 and starting my college education and career.