Top 10 Reasons Why I Am Insane
1) When I grab a poop bag for a walk with Dexter I try to coordinate it with my outfit.
2) I buy scallion pancakes and then I pick out each and every scallion before I eat them.
3) I don't like movies that everyone else likes. For instance- Heat, Moulin Rouge, Casablanca, It's a Wonderful Life, etc.
4) I actually believe that I am a little bit psychic.
5) Sometimes I pick out a toy for Willa based on what she is wearing.
6) I order quiche from the cafe down the street at least three times a week. That might not sound strange, but what if I told you that it's got mushrooms and leeks in it, and I like neither mushrooms nor leeks, so I pick apart the entire thing? Also, I then bring the mutilated quiche home for my husband to eat, which means my fridge has several containers of quiche in it at all times.
7) I hate porn and sex toys and yet I think I am sexually adventurous.
8) My entire apartment can be a mess, but if a drawer is open or a picture is crooked I lose my mind.
9) I don't eat onions because I think they taste like crunchy bugs.
10) I can't sleep naked because I'm afraid a bug will crawl up my hoo-ha.
Comments
I'm with you on #3 completely. I think #10 is freaking hilarious. And who doesn't think they are at least a LITTLE psychic?
Posted by: Jeff | December 28, 2007 01:45 AM
Wow. I have two of your psychoses... and I love you for writing about them because it makes me feel more normal.
(#8 and #10, if you must know)
Posted by: Fatemeh | December 28, 2007 04:21 AM
OK, 1 and 5 *are* a little insane! (Although I wonder now if I'll catch myself doing the same? But where do you get color-coordinated poop bags?). I totally relate to #8, though!
Posted by: KidKate | December 28, 2007 12:25 PM
Hahaha! I'm so glad you are posting again! p.s. if that list makes you insane, you have lots of company!
Posted by: Aldella | December 28, 2007 01:42 PM
I feel similarly to 2, 6 & 10. I got over 6, but will never get over 6 & 10. I love spinach pie from the greek diner, but don't like feta, so at the end of my meal is a perfect pile of only feta :-)
Oh, & i eat the filo layers one at a time.
If THAT'S not insane....
Posted by: heidi | December 28, 2007 03:10 PM
I love #1 because if you have to carry around a bag of poop having it match your outfit is the way to go. Feces as a fashion statement. You are brilliant.
Posted by: von Krankipantzen | December 28, 2007 03:55 PM
Ummmmm....never thought about #10 before. I will never sleep naked again.
And if you're "psycho", then I should be committed! Glad to be in good company...
Posted by: Essaytch | December 28, 2007 04:00 PM
i'm personally just waiting to see what goldner comments on this. if he agrees with number 10, i will laugh out loud.
Posted by: RzDrms | December 28, 2007 09:51 PM
You should have a wordpress category for all the posts in which you use "hoo-ha."
I cant fully agree with #10 because I've never had a bug crawl up my hoo-ha, so I never thought to be afraid of it. Until just now.....
Hating pornography is completely indefensible.
I agree with #4 and I actually knew you were going to say that. Maybe #4 is the reason for #10.
It's good you were able to come back and ad lib this while your team of guild writers is on strike. You did way better than any of the other late night hosts. Especially Carson!
Posted by: Jonathan (GOLDNER) | December 28, 2007 11:35 PM
LOL. #3: me either (/too)
#4: Way cool; TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE! (for me. I don't really care about anyone else:) way to go throwin' around that xmas spirit, huh?)
#5: Seriously?
#7: Couldn't live without my sex toys.
#8: Yep. Me too.
Posted by: Farrell | December 28, 2007 11:41 PM
What are scallion pancakes? I've never heard of such things. And, don't say, "Pancakes with scallions in them." I get that part.
Is it a potato pancake? Is it a gallate (sp?) like is often served with roast duck? Is it, in fact, the kind of sweet, thick pancakes served at American pancake houses with scallions in it, which sounds truly revolting. I can't wrap my head around this.
*Thomas- they are a savory pancake served at Chinese restaurants.
Posted by: Thomas | December 29, 2007 04:53 AM
#6 ohhhh #6. I've seen it with my own eyes and yet I still find it the funniest thing. Also now I'm craving that spread stuff that goes on the brioche. Yum.
Posted by: Heather B. | December 29, 2007 08:06 PM
Ok if you mean you don't like the movies n #3 then I agree, I wasnt into them. If you liked them never mind. I am also #4. And as for #10 I am close, I have to have a sheet on me at all times to "protect" me from things that come out at night.
Posted by: Mrs.Strizzay | December 29, 2007 10:17 PM
i had to pop out of the woodwork to say that I am SO with you on #10.
Posted by: Jennifer | December 31, 2007 08:41 AM
Insane? Nah. Insanely hysterical? Indeed.
Happy New Year, girlfriend!
Posted by: mrtl | January 1, 2008 02:21 AM
yr so funny- I bookmarked you and am back
and will continue to come :)
Posted by: amy | January 14, 2008 07:53 PM