Pod Person
This has been the most trying week I have ever experienced as a parent.
I know that is a strange thing to say considering that Willa was only a few months old when I was dealing with my father's terminal illness, but things were different then. There was one point where I took Willa to the hospital 11 days in a row, and she didn't cry once. Actually, the only time I can remember her crying at all in the hospital, was the last day I saw my father- the day before he died. I think she sensed something.
This week has been a constant struggle to keep her from crying.
You see, what is happening is, three different problems are combining to create a perfect storm of crankiness.
1) Willa is teething AGAIN. As my mother likes to say "If there is a GOD, he is cruel for making babies experience so much pain."
She constantly has either her hand or some object in her mouth. The teething is also causing her to sleep horribly. She tosses and turns and wakes up several times during the night. This also means she wants to breast feed more frequently. She was down to six times a day, but this week it has been eight or nine times a day.
2) Willa has just started to pull herself up to standing. She wants to stand ALL THE TIME. The problem is that there are not a lot of places in our apartment where she can reach something and pull herself up. Almost everything is too high. So, she gets REALLY frustrated. When I put her on the floor to crawl she does downward facing dog and starts crying because she can't stand up. Plus, when she is standing up I have to be right there next to her.
3) Willa has started the clingy phase. She needs to be able to see me AT ALL TIMES. Sometimes even being able to see me is not enough, nor is me sitting next to her. Only being held will do, and even then sometimes she acts as if she wants to crawl back inside of me, and I'm sorry kid, but THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Also, Willa can now say "mama", which is awesome, but NOT THIS WEEK, because now when she whines it sounds like this "Maaaaaaaaammmaaaaaaaaa". Please kill me now.
It is like someone has replaced my child with someone else's child.
She used to wake up smiling and would spend a good amount of time in her crib cooing and babbling. Now she wakes up crying.
She used to play contentedly in her play pen, sometimes for as long as 45 minutes. Now, she screams the minute I put her in the playpen.
I used to be able to put her in her exasaucer for a few minutes so that I could go to the bathroom or load the dishwasher. Now she starts crying the minute I try to put her in it. This makes no sense to me at all because HELLO- you are standing- you WANT to stand- why are you not happy?
The changing table used to be one of Willa's favorite places in the world. Now, she acts like I'm trying to remove her toenails whenever we even get close to the changing table. And getting her dressed is like trying to dress an octopus. There is a lot of flailing and she is constantly flipping over.
Willa has never been a big solid food eater, but we had gotten to the point where she would eat at least a little something at least twice, if not three times a day. Now, if I can get her to eat even a couple of spoonfuls a day that is an accomplishment. I have to constantly distract her and she keeps moving her head around. Weaving and bobbing. My husband said feeding Willa is like trying to refuel a plane in mid air. Actually, I think feeding Willa is harder. I mean, at least when you are refueling a plane, once you get the hose in, it STAYS in. With Willa every spoonful is a struggle.
As I've said before, Willa gets bored at home, so she's always happiest when we are out. Yesterday I took her to the cafe to have lunch with a friend. I can usually sit her in the high chair for at least a half an hour and she will play with a toy and people watch. Yesterday was a nightmare. She was squirmy and fidgety and I had to leave before I could finish my food.
And it figures that all of this is happening during the coldest week we've had since last winter.
If it wasn't so cold I would just keep her outside all day and she would be much more manageable, but FUCK it is COLD.
I am mentally and physically spent. My nipples are bleeding. I'm starving
And, I'm feeling really guilty for not liking my child today.
I want my happy, smiling, COOPERATIVE kid back.
Comments
I am sorry to hear what a rough week you are having. I am sure that everyone has a moment of not totally loving bliss with their kids (at least I hope so) and I am double sorry to hear about the nipples - OUCH!
Posted by: Duchess | January 25, 2008 01:22 PM
Whew...do I remember that phase! Hang in there, Torrie...it WILL pass. And please don't feel any guilt...all parents dislike their kids sometimes. Some of us even used to fantasize about throwing them across a room...not ME, you know. But some people. ;-)
She is going through a developmental spurt as well as the teething, so everything is extra-frustrating for her.
Be patient with yourself and please try not to beat yourself up over anything...staying home with a baby is the hardest job in the world.
Posted by: Sarah | January 25, 2008 01:40 PM
My sister-in-law swore by frozen bananas for teething. Sorry you are having such a hard time (you are definitely not alone). It will pass, I promise.
Posted by: Lisa | January 25, 2008 02:16 PM
oh man, we went through the same thing right before Christmas. Maggie turned into The Baby From Hell- we wondered who stole our happy, good-sleeping child! Turns out it was all the things you mentioned- teething, a bunch of physical milestones, plus a cold thrown in there for good measure. It must be the age or something.
And right now, Maggie has started with some very independent thoughts! She wants to feed herself everything (but she STILL won't hold her own bottle, go figure) and she's super clingy. I guess there are just ups and downs as a parent... but I hear you, it is VERY draining.
Posted by: Jen | January 25, 2008 02:49 PM
aw, man. I don't have my own but have watched my friends' kids when they are in the middle of this phase. My favorite is when they practically do the splits to prevent me from sticking their legs through the exasaucer holes.
Here's hopin' those snarky little teeth arrive asap!
Posted by: iheartthirty | January 25, 2008 02:50 PM
The only bit of advice that I got when Patrick was born that I have followed absolutely is that the only constant with babies is change. It IS a terrible stage, I agree, truly trying, but it WILL pass. Try and hang in there.
Such a pity you're doing so much of this alone: your poor husband! Crikey, I'm so glad they don't treat us so poorly here...
Hugs from where it's too hot
Posted by: jen | January 25, 2008 02:50 PM
I can tell you it will get better. But it does nothing for what you are going through right now.. I am just sorry..My son is a month behind Willa so I feel you pain..I really do. I have nothing to offer except mabye trying the hyland teething tablets? They are all natural and work. I use them on my son when he gets unbearable.
Posted by: Kim | January 25, 2008 04:04 PM
OH boy I remember those times. One minute seems like forever. Teething is HELL, no doubt about it. Hang in there; I'm not sure what else to say.
Posted by: Farrell | January 25, 2008 05:05 PM
well, i have no advice, only long-distance hugs. for both of you.
xoxo
Posted by: Sarcomical | January 25, 2008 06:09 PM
I'm sure you don't want to buy miniature furniture for her to use for pulling herself up... so let me recommend boxes. If you have any boxes of the right size, tape them up well and let her use those. And if THAT doesn't work, put her in one and mail her to me. I'll take cranky for a few days so that you remain sane. :-)
Posted by: Charlotte | January 25, 2008 08:02 PM
Really? Your kid was smiley? They have those?
I think any parent, especially someone who does much staying at home, realizes how you feel.
We've had cranky, mean, clingy, grumpy, stubborn... you name it.
The name of the game is seeing the new problems and just learning to adapt. But then, there will be a new problem...but hopefully it won't involve crying. :)
And, as I've learned the hard way, the Major Crying Baby Frustration happens right before another major developmental milestone....
Trust me. If mine have somehow made it to 2 and 3, you guys will make it, too. :)
One day, you'll look back and think "really? She did that?" and then she'll hop into your lap and you'll tell her a story about "Baby Willa" that she just won't believe...
Posted by: SJ aka Simple Family | January 25, 2008 10:17 PM
I highly recommend teething tablets. You can find them in the natural food section in most markets. It changed our world. My son wouldn't sleep at night. woke up screaming every two hours then during the day he needed to be touching me at all times!! f-ing shoot me!!! Plus when and if you feel comfortable give her Motrin for infants. I prefer the dye free. It works better then tylenol. I just think that if I would take something for the pain why am I torturing my child and making them suffer??
My guy is just now 17 mos and just getting his teeth. No matter what age they are it's not an easy time as a stay at home mommy. There is no "smoke break." I have run into my bedroom many a evenings the moment my husband gets in the door. If only I wasn't pregnant again...UGH, I'd be downing glasses of wine at night to chill.
Plus I swear the moment you feel like you can't take one more day of their crap they go and change on you. Thank baby Jebus these creatures are cute. That's all I got to say about that.
Posted by: Kerry | January 25, 2008 11:49 PM
Oh, you poor thing. Things will get better - but I know right now things must seem so difficult. Hang in there, girlie!
Posted by: Snickrsnack Katie | January 26, 2008 12:20 AM
Oh, it's bad... that gave me the worst flashback. Take care, girlfriend!
Is the clinginess just you, or will she hang with Daddy? Long enough for a decent nap and meal? urgh
Posted by: mrtl | January 26, 2008 05:04 AM
Sending lots of hugs and support your way. I know it can be hell but I also know this will pass. I hope you find some time to focus on you soon.
Posted by: Keely | January 26, 2008 12:01 PM
Yikes. Sounds like Willa feels like I did this when I had to get out of bed this morning. Maybe I should do downward facing dog in the hallway outside my office and start shrieking... I feel like it.
Good luck! I wish I had more to offer... my sister went through this stage pretty memorably and she's now a lovely 27 year old who calls my mom daily. Does that help?
Posted by: Eleanor | January 28, 2008 11:38 AM
Hyland's Teething Tablets - They are all natural and homeopathic. I used them on my son and they worked miracles. I also had one of those mesh things that resembled a pacifier. You put frozen fruit in it (strawberries are great) and they gnaw on the mesh and *most* babies love it.
Have you tried wearing your baby? A Moby Wrap or a infant carrier and wear her on your chest? I was able to do so much when I "wore" my son.
Good luck and I hope you get some peace.
Posted by: Kelly | January 28, 2008 04:05 PM
Between calls to me asking me if I would like to take her daughter and son because they were screaming, crying drooling, pooping, vomiting, refusing to eat, teething messes...my sister would wrap frozen cubes of no-sugar added apple juice in tea towels for neice and nephew for them to suck on and hopefully numb their gums, and she would also give my neice frozen kashi waffles to let her nom on them while my sister called me yet again, asking me if I would take her children. :)
You will always love your daughter. You will always be there for her and do anything for her. But there is no law saying you have to like her all the time.
Hang in there! You can do it. She will bring peace back before you know it. Although, I am sure not soon enough for you!!! Good luck!
Posted by: Michele Roberts | January 29, 2008 03:17 PM
I've been a long time reader!! I was wondering if only my daughter did the nightly wake up breast feed thingy?!?! My girl is 7 months old and still not sleeping through the night yet...Willa is an absolute doll!!!
Posted by: Beverly | January 29, 2008 04:21 PM
So, when she is a cranky teenager that thinks you NEVER do ANYTHING for her...are you going to remind her of the hours you spent trying to console her crying- nipples bleeding and all? If nothing else, that should sufficiently gross her out. :)
good luck for a better week!
jen
Posted by: rocks | January 29, 2008 11:17 PM
...Just in case you have not discovered it yet..... Lansinoh Lanolin Breast Cream
My wife says it was magical on her cracked and bleeding nipple when she started breast feeding. Pop it on anytime you are not feeding and it really seems to speed up the healing
Posted by: Guy Slade | January 30, 2008 12:50 PM
hang in there, lady, the day you least expect it she will be back...but it is sucky until then. and maybe look for the liquid teething stuff from boiron called camilia, one of my twin boys teethes terribly and that seems to help him a lot. hope that can help. oh, one more thing, i bought my boys a few little tables for them to pull to stand on and they love them...maybe that would help.
Posted by: mamie | February 1, 2008 04:37 PM
Oh, I remember these days all too clearly. My daughter is actually only 18 months but she has at least gotten over the majority of the teething bit and clingyness. It will feel like forever when you are going through it but just remember, it will pass and you will hardly remember going through it at all.
Posted by: Melinda | February 15, 2008 10:29 AM
It's my first time here, and I happened by this post. All of those things are all far too familiar for me. I think it happens to everyone. I'm sure that things will get better for you. Unfortunately for me, my son is autistic, and I wish hope and pray every day that my happy loving calm little boy will come back to me. I'm sure you are just inside of a cranky baby phase, but I wanted you to know that I have felt just like you every day for 3 years. It was nice to read that someone with a perfectly healthy child can feel just like I do.
Posted by: Nicoletta | February 19, 2008 02:29 PM