all really good questions. i have twins from our first try and i can tell you, two very different children can both be very awesome. but i hear you on the difficult pregnancy. mine was nothing like i expected. i am glad for the two of them and we will not be doing it again, but it sounds like you are thinking and processing and will make the best decision for your family and yourself.

I don't have much advice for you, but in my experience everything with the second child was less stressful. Even though both my girls are totally different people it was no longer my first time dealing with all the baby stuff and I found it much easier.

The baby stuff is less stressful because you have been through it before, but the other stuff - having 2, making time for yourself and spouse, is very stressful. But, I love seeing the way the 2 boys interact with each other and how different #2 is from #1, I honestly can't remember or imagine life without #2...he just fits. And that makes all the stress, sleepless nights, and no time well worth it, I think. Good luck!

Those are very tough questions, and definitely ones only you can answer.

My first was an easy pregnancy. Second was easy pregnancy, hard labor. The last one was horrific on all accounts. I can't see my life without her.

Had my first been the horrific experience, it would have been difficult to choose to have another one, but now that she's here my life is definitely complete.

Plus, there is 7 years age difference between my youngest two, and the fact that we lost a TON of independence was a huge issue for us, but the fact is you just learn to adjust, just like with all your life decisions. You adjust!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

I have two kids, and they are equally as awesome in their own very different ways. Having two is much more challenging than having just one, as you would expect.

But worth it in the end.

Hey, since you don't live on the 32nd floor of a Manhattan apartment building anymore, I'd say you'll have an easier time with the second one.

Also, having a sibling is really awesome. My brother and I are not super close, but I can't imagine life without him. He's the only one who really understand when I bitch about our parents :)

My two oldest kids 4 1/2 and almost 2yr old...nothing makes me happier then watching them run around and play together. And laugh. Not so much the hair pulling and pushing. But they have each other and truly adore on another. To add to it I also have a 4 month old...now that it pretty hard on me and I get freakin' crazy days. I just know it will be awesome when they are older.
Before I got pregnant with my second(which I kept delaying for 2 years) somebody told you me I would never feel 100% ready to mess up our little threesome. You just need to be 70% sure, the rest falls into place. You know what...she was totally right!

We just got home from our gender ultrasound and I've got to say - seeing him move around made me realize again how happy I am that we're adding to our family now. We'd planned all along to try to have our kids somewhat close together and there are days during this pregnancy where I think we might be totally nuts and then I just know this is right for us. I was an only child and always missed having a sibling around. Trust your instincts and do what feels right to you and your family. :)

I completely understand after having a baby why people decide to have one child. Your health should be important to you, since you have to keep up with a toddler. Maybe you need more time to think about your options, and weigh all of the pros and cons. I'm sure the answer will come to you. You really don't know how another pregnancy will 'treat' you, it could be completely different! Adoption has always been in the conversation for us, because of my medical issues. It is easier on your body and allows you to bring love and joy to both children. It's a big decision, so I think talking about it with your spouse, family and friends is healthy and warranted. Good luck.

its a big huge decision and it sounds like you are really putting a lot of thought into it.

for me the biggest reason to have another is so that my kids have a sibling. i was an only child and i feel like i really missed out on growing up with a sibling and having that bond for life. i can't deny my children that because i felt i really missed out.

i also have that doubt too... that lilah is so great that i would be tempting fate to ruin this perfect equasion and spin the dice on another child... who could not possibly be as "good". but another way to look at it is this: your daughter is so awesome that you guys obviously make wonderful kids!

the pain and all the hellishness is totally worth it once you see their healthy smiling face looking up at you.. as you know. ;) good luck with everything!

All good questions. Having just had my second, I can say that there is a lot about it that's easier (I'm SO much more relaxed about everything since I've been through it before) and even the hard parts (e.g., juggling your time and paying enough attention to them both) aren't so bad. I think a lot of what makes it so is that--having done this before--you know that all aspects of taking care of a baby (both the good and the not-so-good) fly by all too fast, and you're caring for a KID before you know it. Do I have some shitty days here and there? Sure, but I couldn't imagine our family any other way.

Can't speak from childbearing experience, since I have none. Of course, only you can decide if you want to take the plunge and try for another bebeh (and of COURSE he or she or they will be awesome, silly girl). But it sounds like you're really thinking it out, and having Willa at least in pre-school when you try again seems like it would be the most sane way to go about it.

My two cents, which is a direct cut from my $2 whoring fee. ;)

Either direction could be the best one for YOU. What would be the best one for Willa? You would survive possible bedrest, & these days you would survive complicated birth. The logistics of the early years would somehow work themselves out... the carseats, preschool, drop-offs, pick-ups, etc. These are the questions I would consider: Through all the years of her life, would Willa thrive better on her own or with a sibling? Would you make her an extrordinary life with you & DH as her companion, traveling, showing her the world etc.? Will she be the only person around to take care of you in your old age? Either path could be ok, it's all a matter of what all of your needs are.

"Will my body be able to handle another pregnancy?"

Women's bodies are pretty well adapted to carrying pregnancies, to the point that we suffer, the baby doesn't! Yes, you may have trouble medically with another pregnancy; I suppose you won't know 'til you try, but only you could decide: is it worth it? If Willa is anything to go by, hell YES.

"I might have been 10-15 pounds over-weight"

LOL! I saw the photos... Where exactly were you carrying that extra weight? I couldn't see any. You looked just fine to me (and I see quite a lot of naked people)- actually, more than fine, healthy. Slim.

"go through losing a pregnancy again?"

I've thought alot about this one, too. I'm pretty sure that the pain of miscarriages (I'm planning on having more than one, again) will be tempered by looking at the gorgeous boy I have, smelling his soft, warm breath and hearing him giggle. This time you will know there is light at the end of the tunnel. You know for sure you can do it. It just might take some time.

"doing it for the right reasons"

All of the reasons you list are more than valid. But I'm speaking from an addicts' position- I too am addicted to cuddles, smiles, sticky kisses and even "Mama! Mama!" in the early morning. Do it because you want to. Hell, the desire to reproduce is one of the most fundamental urges we have (I'm not trying to be crass, btw) and I don't think you need to justify it.

"I couldn't possibly have another equally fantastic child- or could I?"

Yes. My mum once told me that me and my three siblings were all equally as amazing- we just were all also so different. I'm sure another child wouldn't be exactly the same as Willa, but they would be equally as likely to be fantastic- just in different, subtle, amazing ways.

"I'm afraid that if I get pregnant again that it will be with twins".

Do you have a family history of twins or is it just a gut feeling? I too worry that I will have twins and have a hard time coping, but I'm reliably told that the second time around the nitty gritty is easier (diaper changes etc) although managing the extra people in the house isn't easy, you get used to it. (Interestingly, Julie has recently written a post on this very topic, as she nears the birth of her second baby, this Friday) You work things out. Just as you did when Willa was young. You would cope. You'd work something out, just as you did with Willa. Things would find a new equilibrium. Yes, it would be hard, but imagine TWIN cuddles, Twin smiles, Twin giggles...(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K6fESuNivo&feature=related)

"I'm honestly not sure if I want to go through that again."

To me, this is the most compelling reason to wait, or to decide not to have another child. If you honestly couldn't go through all that again, if it really doesn't feel like it would be worth it in the end, then don't. Stop. Willa is awesome, a real gem, and is a credit to you both. If you were only ever to have just Willa, I reckon that would be an astounding achievement.

Good luck.

OMG I cannot imagine going through this twice.

If you want the best for Willa, then definitely have another one... sometime. When you both are ready.

I do have to say though, we never are really READY for a baby, time- and moneywise. You just have to jump in!

Obviously, your call. But I will say that having a second (technically, a third, but you know that story) child was the best decision for US.

No, it wasn't easy. To the point that I went down the week after our baby was born and had a vasectomy, telling my wife "If I had to endure another pregnancy with you, I would end up in prison for murder. So,it's a choice between snip snip now or a reacharound later."

One of the amazing things about babies is that they come with love supplied. Part of the package. Comes right down the chute with 'em. So dinna fash y'sel' about that, my darlin' ... it's taken care of.

And yes, there are times when it's a lot of work, and times when it's frantic, and times when you wonder why in the hell you did this.

But children aren't a sprint. They're a marathon. And at the end of the race, each of my girls served as maid of honour for the other. They are best friends, confidantes, protectors, co-conspirators, and advisors. The love and affection they share is like nothing else this planet has to offer.

So, make your own call as to timing. You're having another one - stop fooling yourself on that. It's like what I said to my daughter when she said "I'm just checking the real estate ads ... you know, not really looking for anything, just seeing what's there." I said "Nobody starts looking and ends up not buying."

Nobody starts thinking about having another kid and backs away. If there's a debate ... don't kid yourself that the outcome is in doubt. We're not talking WHETHER. We're talking WHEN.

The Wise and Powerful Nilbo has spoken.

I'm posting anonymously because I will probably be pulverized for saying this and I'm really just trying to be honest with you...

If you do not, from the very bottom of your heart, from the depths of your soul, want to have another baby, don't do it.

Don't have another baby because your mother or your husband or your aunt or your sister or your best friend from college keeps asking when you are going to have another.

Don't have another baby because you think you "should".

Don't have another baby because Willa deserves a sibling.

If Willa is an only child she will be just fine. She will not be alone in the world. There are people with 10 siblings who are lonely. There are people with no siblings who are not. Some people are best friends with their siblings, others are not.

The only good reason to have a second child is because it is what YOU and YOUR HUSBAND want to do. Because YOU want to parent another child. Because you want to love another child.

Two children are more than twice the work of one child, and you shouldn't do it something you are 100% sure you want to do.

There are plenty of "only" children who've done just great, and plenty of people who don't talk to their siblings when they're adults.
There's also those who's siblings are their best friends. So really, "Anonymous Mom" spoke with the wisest words:

"The only good reason to have a second child is because it is what YOU and YOUR HUSBAND want to do. Because YOU want to parent another child. Because you want to love another child."

Bravo Anonymous Mom