Oh, gosh. I'm sorry to hear about all this. Hopefully the shoulder news will be better than you think? I wish I had more to offer. It must be one of those days. But, no matter how bad things get, they always seem to get better eventually. I hate to be all Pollyanna. So, I'll leave you with the wise words of my college roommate anytime things got all haywire. "That sucks."

Torrie, I'm so sorry. I wish I did have a solution for you. I've battled RSD in my right arm for almost 5 years and struggle with daily tasks as well. I know how difficult things must be for you right now and am sending my support and best wishes.

Hugs to you, Torrie. I can't even imagine how rough this must be on you right now. I also don't want to sound all Pollyanna on you, but sometimes things just sound worse than they actually turn out, and I'm hoping that this is the case here, too.

I wish I could fly up there and help you out. I'll send prayers and wishes for healing and comfort your way, though.

Come on, Torrie, cheer up! This is not the usual 'you'. The girl I've been reading since post 1 (although I found your blog when you were on post 300 or something). You've gone thru worse times. I don't mean to be insensitive but you have the cutest little girl and a husband that works a lot but is probably looking forward to go back home and see his little family. This time will pass, I promise.

Please look at other things that you have and that other people don't and will kill to have!

At least you know that you will always have us to read you and nod at what you say. You're a very lucky woman. ;-)

hey torrie,
i've read your blog for awhile but haven't introduced myself. we have a mutual friend - paul gutman (i went to law school with him).
i also wanted to let you know how much i empathize with your situation. chronic illness is such an exhausting, confusing, frustrating thing. i have lupus, and can *definitely* relate to that feeling of virtual-constant pain. i can also understand the desire to keep pain hidden from others and oneself. anyway, i'll be sending you healthy thoughts.

Wow Torrie, I'm so sorry that life is hitting you hard these days. I wish there was more I could say or that I had some magic solution to it all for you.

One thing I do have is this post: http://tiny.cc/tOoci I found a while ago that you can send the "it could be worse people" to go to and read.

I really hope you guys can catch a break soon.

I've just finished 4 months of recuperating from ankle surgery. I live alone, couldn't bathe and could only do microwave food because I was on a scooter for 3 and a half months.

When I went off the scooter almost 3 weeks ago, my brain decided to scare the crap out of me and now my hands are completely numb. I know i6t's stress but I keep dropping shit and I can barely tyope. (see?)

It was not easy and I don't think I could go thru it again. EVER>

I'm so sorry to hear about all of that - i can't even imagine.

You are more than welcome to join my pity party if you'd like to! I'm currently dealing with a Knee Issue that's got me pretty down. I feel like it's never going to heal even though deep down I know it will. One day. Hopefully soon. Seriously, God, WTF?

I sure hope you'll be able to get some relief soon and that your recovery is speedy!

I hope you get something sorted out soon - I know it's hard to cope with but you seem to have a loving and supportive family who can help you deal with things. And children are more understanding than we give them credit for - we explained to my little brother when my mother had had surgery why he couldn't climb on her or touch her stomach, and he suddenly started looking after her like a little baby or something, he was so tender.

I'm currently learning to deal with issues from the other side - my boyfriend has an incurable bone disorder that means he'll have repeat surgeries the rest of his life; he has to have 4 major operations this year alone. And he refuses to talk about it and discuss how he's feeling about it which is incredibly hard for me and his family :-s

Thank you for sharing, and I hope you get some comfort from the many people here sending you love and positive vibes.

Totally unsolicited advice, which you may feel free to disregard: look into Lyrica. It's brilliant. It might work for you...

Oh, Blogger, you poor thing: I just wanted to tell you that I am sending you tons of good karma and I hope things get better for you. If it makes you feel any better, I will share with you the two things that have me down currently, in order of importance...

1. Michael Pitt has yet to answer any of my fan mail.

2. Having a hard time accepting the fact that Aquaman is fictional. He is just so smokin' hawt.

peace, blogger: tomorrow will be better...

Just saw on Twitter- I'm so glad the 'Octopus attack' was successful, because I cried when I saw your post. I hope the effect is lasting.

local churches likely have a Catholic Daughters, or other such organizations in other denominations, that have parishoners ready and willing to come help out for a few hours a day/week for free if you need it. usually it's retired women and they're typically kind "grandmotherly" types. just a thought.

I'm so sorry. You deserved internet hugs, so here's one.

***hug***

Hi Torrie, I've not commented before, as I'm fairly new to your blog, but I really enjoy what I've read so far (which seems like an odd thing to say when you're clearly having such a crappy time of it right now...!)

Anyway, I just wanted to send some sympathy and positive thoughts your way, and say I really hope things look brighter for you soon. Having read your blog from the oldest post, I honestly can't believe how much you've had to deal with, but the thing that really stands out for me is the fact that you seem to just forge ahead, with an incredible doggedness to get out the other side, and I really admire how you've coped with it all. I'm not sure I could.

I really hope you don't have to give up photography, because I love your pictures on Flickr, especially the ones of your beautiful little girl (who, from what I can tell, is quite possibly the happiest-looking baby ever!).

*hugs*

People don't understand how damaging chronic pain is to someone's ability to enjoy life. It takes all that you have that is beautiful and shits on it, basically. I used to get migraines a few years ago, and the pain was so severe that I thought to myself, "I completely get why someone would take their own life if they had to deal with this day in and day out."

We are complicated creatures, and are capable of being grateful for what we have, and also distraught by things that are hurting us. Don't allow anyone to minimize what you are going through.

I hope you are able to find something, anything, that alleviates your pain.

I second the Lyrica advice - it didn't work at all for my fibromyalgia pain but I know someone who can't live her life without it. Something that *has* helped for me is the suppliment magnesuim maleate.

Your daughter may not understand now because she is young but when she gets older she will see you dealing with this and know that it is hard for you and will look at what you *are* able to do with pride.

So much of what is written above on this page I can identify with. I do, however, think there could be a bright side - that you will get to see how very much your husband loves you.

I know I don't know you, but . . . how can I help?

I should clarify:
I also identify with the feeling that there is no bright side! Most of the time that's the way I feel. It came across wrong in the above comment, sorry.

Good grief! this is scary- Both of my rotator cuffs are torn and I refuse to have surgery for fear of not being able to do shit afterwards. Swimming has helped me and I play tennis quite a bit which I guess has also helped in making mine stronger- what is/was wrong with your shoulder in the first place? ie- what did they operate for?

I drift away for a few months, thinking everything was going to be hunky dory now that you were moving out of the city and your husband is no longer a resident, and THIS is what I find??

Jeez. Having just been through the shoulder surgery nightmare myself - 2 shoulders, 2 surgeries, 1 arthroscopic and 1 open - I know how you feel and how scary it is. It's been 15 months since the first injury, and I've not had "normal" or pain-free shoulders since then. There were times when I was incredibly depressed about it all, feeling like I would never be normal again. But it will get better.

Are you only having pain on 1 side? If so, you still have 1 good arm, right?

I know, it doesn't feel like much of a bright side. I share your pain. But depending on your surgery, you may be up and about and using your arm a lot sooner than you think. I have been handling our 100-lb adolescent dog pretty much all along (we've had our ups and downs) and now, 3 months out of my 2nd surgery, I can definitely pick up a toddler. If it helps at all - I think about 2 months out, with good strengthening etc. going in, I would have been ok to pick up a little kid.

I write about it a bit in my blog, if you'd like to drop by and check it out. It is really, really frustrating and it was a long, hard road. When my shoulders were immobile, it was terribly frustrating and I thought it would NEVER end, but - it did. The first month is, of course, the hardest, but every day improves little by little.

If you can find a 1-2 month block where you can have family to help you, I'd say just do it and worry about the other issues (insurance and PT) later. Problems or recurrent injuries have a way of getting worse if you don't take care of them.

For Mrs. K too - I had an arthroscopic repair of a 360-degree (full) labral tear that left me with 7 anchors in my left (dominant) shoulder. The right shoulder was even worse: open repair of a HAGL lesion - partially torn labrum and part of my rotator cuff was torn off my humerus, 5 anchors to repair and a wicked scar. 3 months out I am swimming again and I can do most things without a problem.

Good luck, and keep your chin up. Email me if you want.

LawyerChick