Well, I don't know if it's normal.... but I do know I worry about very similar and then even more horrible every single day. At least now I know I'm not alone.

I think you know the answer to this. Have you thought about counseling, or about anti-anxiety meds? Yeah, it can be expensive, or time-consuming, or you think there's some sort of stigma. Whatever. Do you what you need to do to make yourself feel better.

Hugs and hope your way.

You're a smart lady, you don't need us to tell you that's normal. That being said, doesn't make it uncommon. I went through the same thing, and I currently have an irrational and awful, unspoken fear about my as-of-yet-unborn child. You need help, however you choose to get it (therapy, meds, meditative paint throwing, whatever works, man).

You don't have to live like that.

So I mostly lurk here, and have only been reading you for a few months (I know, where have I been?), BUT...I agree with Tasha's comment above.

Most of us worry about some of this kind of stuff sometimes. I fly overseas two or three times a year. In two days my kids are going to fly toward me on their own. Yes, I fear the worst when they make the trip.

But constant worries are not good; they keep you in fear and keep you from living.

As for the grief about your father, it's normal, but counseling will help. My mom died almost 16 years ago and I still get slammed by grief sometimes.

Dunno if this is helpful; I guess I'm just trying to say I'm in your corner. Find someone to talk to if you can; it will help.

You know Torrie, I am exactly the same way. I always worry something will happen to my husband while he is out, same goes for my mother, who I am extremely close to. I think I will probably be a crazy mom once I do have kids - how will I even let my kids out of the house without being terrified something will happen to them?

In short, I am the same way. And I wish I weren't.

I think we all do it. In fact, I think about it, and then instantly have the drama thought that because I thought it, something is going to come true. This is not a daily occurance though.
Now, if it's taking over all of your thoughts and your life, then maybe you should seek some counseling.

Yes, you definitely need some help. It's how I feel 90% of your tweets I read.

Everyday I have the same fears as you. I think your last thought about your father is what is driving all of the other fears. My 23-year-old sister died almost exactly 16 months ago, and every day I fear anything and everything that will unexpectedly rock my delicate world like her death did. Mostly I am ever-mindful of just how dependent I am on my loved ones, and just how temporary all of our lives are.

I don't know if I will always have these fears, or if they are part of the grieving process, but I am trying to use them for the positive purpose of appreciating everyday that I have.

I'd say worrying about these things is pretty normal, but not constantly. I hope you get to feeling more yourself soon.

I went through this exact thing for several years. It took post-partum depression and anxiety to realize I truly had a problem. I live in Minneapolis, and when my daughter was 1 week old, the 35W bridge collapsed, a bridge my husband and I both drive over every day. That sent me into a tailspin of anxiety. I was absolutely CONVINCED that anything that could possibly go wrong would. I cried when I called my husband and he didn't answer because I thought he might be dead.

I had to check on my daughter every few minutes when she was sleeping because I was convinced she would stop breathing. I called my husband everyday and asked him to come home because I couldn't stop crying and worrying about everything.

I went to see my doctor and they started me on an anti-anxiety and an anti-depressant. They both worked wonderfully.

And I don't mean to feed into your fears with this story, but when I finally felt in control again, my daughter had a horrible head injury at daycare that caused a concussion and seizures. (The police and CPS were involved.) She was about 8 months old at the time, and I started worrying excessively about everything again. Thankfully, she has no long term effects from it.

I no longer take the anti-depressants, but I still take valium everyday. If I didn't, I'd be right where you are now. Hang in there, and if you're willing, talk to your doctor about trying a med. I know they're not the answer to everything, but it sounds to me like they could help you a lot. Good luck!

Oof...I feel you. Not on the child part, although when I eventually have one I'm sure I'll worry to no end. But the terrorist thing, the someone breaking into the house thing, the car accident thing, etc. It's constant, and I hate it. Just yesterday a stranger talked polietly to me at lunch, and for the rest of my break I was sure he was going to come back and stab me. WTF?? That's no way to live.

After my middle child was born, I had anxiety about everything. I thought someone would swipe my children outside while I had my back turned to lock the door. I couldn't sleep at night because I thought someone was going to break in and stab us to death (for this reason, I began sleeping on the side of the bed furthest from the door; I still sleep there), every little noise had my eyes open wide. I heard noises in our garage after pulling into it and thought someone had snuck in after the car. I jumped back in the car, locked the doors and pulled back out. I went to ER twice with chest pains and weird breathing (I now know they were anxiety attacks). I yelled at my children all the time for stupid things.. and my oldest was only 2. It was constant and horrible and I finally said something to my NP and she started me on Lexapro. It took a little bit, but I began feeling better, I could sleep, the yelling stopped. That was 3 years ago and now I'm almost completely off the meds and I feel OK. I still get little worries, but nothing that seems to rule my life.
I think if the worries are taking over, then it might be time to do something, try something.
Thanks for posting this... helping yourself and helping others in the process.

don't let the worry steal your moments, your life, your time. find a way to let the worry go, if it starts with a medication approach, take it. if it can be helped by speaking to someone, talk. i no longer live in the crushing anxiety way but i remember it well. it is not fair for you, lady, you are way too cool.

Oh, yes ... the worrying. I've gotten to the point lately where the worrying about things I can't control ... like my own mortality and that of my loved ones, has permeated pretty much all of my waking thoughts. No fun. But, like you, I see that this is a problem. So I've started to talking to my friends and family about what they believe, about what makes them not worry about things, and it has been very enlightening. I still worry, but through this process I know I'm not alone in my thoughts. I would suggest talking to your friends ... it's a little bit strange to start a conversation off with (in my case, that is) "Hey, what do you think happens when you die?" but most people are really quite open about it. It's not called a support system for nothing. But hey, maybe I'm just nuts.

Peace,

I used to worry about that kind of stuff. Everyone does to some point, but it just depends on how much you are worrying and if it's interrupting your life...I'm on Effexor and have been for years and it works wonders for me.

some yes, some no. i felt that way for awhile after having babies, but it eased-up when i got out more on my own, or with mom-friends as they got a little older.

One thing I forgot to mention in my previous comment, my psychiatrist said I had a "fairly severe" case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Meaning I worried about anything and everything. Therapy, an extremely supportive husband, family and friends, along with medication is what worked for me.

Nope, not normal.

A few years ago my hands would shake while I was trying to unlock my apartment or car door because I was so afraid someone was hiding behind the corner or underneath the car. I would lay awake terrified someone had slipped into my closet during the day and was waiting to attack me. At work I would worry constantly that my little bunnies would somehow catch a paw in some random I-don't-even-know-what in their little house and get injured. Going back to the key thing - it was so bad that my *only* criteria when shopping for a new car was that the key have a fob with the unlock button on it so that I wouldn't waste time actually putting a key into my car door should I be chased or alone in a dark parking lot. And then there was the constant heartburn, tension and general shakiness from experiencing all the stress.

I thought this was all just part of being a single girl living alone, that I was just being careful and aware. None of my friends or I had never been attacked in our homes or elsewhere, and had grown up in very safe neighborhoods. There were reasons I had developed this anxiety, but it was none of the obvious Law and Order-esque reasons. When I finally fessed up to my doctor about it, she looked at me and said "that is no way to live" ... and she was right.

I was prescribed Paxil with the promise I would only be on it while I did what I had to do to figure out where this was coming from. It made an amazing difference (although getting off of it was a bit rough, so I would personally choose another drug if I have to take something again). Do these worries come back to me now? Every once in a while. But *now* I can remove myself and remind myself that my anxiety is getting beyond me and making me lose perspective. Please, please, please discuss options with your doctor - even a couple of months on a gentle medication can make a huge difference. Take care of yourself. ;)

Hey Torrie,

I feel your pain with your anxiety! I am an anxious person, too, and worry about a lot of the same things that you do.

I'm a counselor/therapist, and while I can't diagnose you (since I've never met you), I'd recommend going to a good counselor to talk about your worries.

If you are concerned about taking medication, you can always try counseling first, and then see if you still need the meds for anxiety.

As for me, I go to a counselor at my church every two weeks to talk about my worries and fears. It helps a lot.

By the way, my counseling is free, since I am a member of the church.

A lot of churches offer free counseling for their members, so that might be something to check out.

And, no, my counselor isn't a "Jesus freak," nor does he sit there and quote scripture. He's just a regular guy (with a Ph.D. in Counseling) who wants to help people.

I also write my fears down in a journal. That helps, too.

P.S. I'm Methodist - that is about the lowest-key Christian denomination there is!

Hope this helps. Peace and blessings to you this holiday season.

I won't say anything about the anxiety because I worry just about everything and I wonder if its normal myself.

But feeling that way about your father after 16 months, on Dec 24 it will be 30 years that my mother died and I still feel that way from time to time, which is more often than I'd like to.

My dad died 2 1/2 years ago and I still think about him every single day. And every couple of weeks I miss him so much that I cry so hard I feel like I might pass out.
I don't think your fears and heartache are so unusual considering everything you have going on. What I do think is that this might be a good time to find a professional that can help you cope with all of these things.

Not sure if its normal....but I worry about a lot of the same things (minus the kid worries- I don't have one yet).

Keep your chin up kiddo. :-)

Hi Torrie,

I can relate to you. I worry so much over everything and anything, it's a constant level of fear. It's no way to live but it sometimes becomes a habit... as though fear and worry are an amulet against anything bad. "If I worry about it, it may not really happen." Twisted and sad. Try to do something about it before you get to that point; be it prayer, counseling, meds or a punching bag. I don't know. Sometimes a variety of things seems to help, sometimes nothing does. Good luck to you, sweetheart.

Hmmm- define 'normal'...?

I agree with much of the above. A little bit of useful anxiety is normal (did I lock the house, is my child warmly dressed, how would we cope if the house fell down etc etc etc) because it helps you to live without, y'know, someone walking into your unlocked house and walking off with your cds and your husband's copy of Miller (little anaesthesia joke there for you).

But when your worry starts to run and then ruin your life, then I'd say that's not good. I finally woke up to the fact that I had PPD/PND when I wasn't sleeping not because the baby woke me up, but because I couldn't sleep for worry. Sertraline fixed that. Counselling then helps you re-integrate your thoughts and helps turn off the automatic negative thinking.

Like Tasha said, I think you know deep down this aint right.

Grief, on the other hand, is an extremely individual thing. I had a good friend die on new year's eve- it will be 5 years ago this year. Just yesterday I saw a guy sitting on a park bench that looked remarkably similar to him, and my heart did backflips, but then the old sadness crept back in.

Again, it's a question of letting it run your life. If the ache of loss is still there but you can still function, then that's good, healthy grief. If that loss still makes it hard for you to live a normal life- that is, to interact normally with other people, get up and go about your daily business and not obsess about the feeling or the loss with every thought, then I'd say that's abnormal.

Yet again, this is just my personal opinion, not actual, real medical advice!

But, honey, I'd really love to see some light creep into your life, because, although I know it's your right to complain on your own blog, you seem to have far more down days than up. You shouldn't have to live that way. And if that takes a trip to the doctor and a counsellor, then so be it. Look after yourself. Hugs.

When we gett married and have babies, we realize a deeper love than we ever thought possible. Fear of losing that is a reality check - balancing the real world with the precarious nature of the happiness we feel from having such a wonderful family to love. It is only a problem if it causes significant impairment or distress. How much you think scary things (like about your husband dying in an accident) may have more to do with how you frame your world than with how much you need therapy. If your fears are getting in the way of day to day functioning, seek help. If those fears are your way of expressing reverence for your family and your life, just try to remind yourself that things are ok today. Peace.

I learned post-partum anxiety is the less talked about step-sister to post-partum depression in the unholy triumverate (sp?) of crazy that goes with parenthood. The third is post-partum stress... which happened to be my crazy. (Think: Everyone in the house is napping happily.... including the newborn and the dog.... and I'm in the kitchen scrubbing the baseboards with an old toothbrush... not normal.)

Anyway... I don't have any answers... but you aren't alone and you aren't cracking up. And isn't there something to the idea that realization is the beginning of finding a workable solution... or something like that....

I think I'm going to avoid the term normal altogether. It certainly isn't healthy, though.

I have an anxiety disorder. I have had it most of my life, but never so severely as since I had my children. After my father died a year and a half ago (sound familiar?), it all came to a very serious point. Medication and counseling saved my life.

When you are in the thick of it, it is so hard to see clearly. As I told my psychologist several months ago, "I don't trust my gut reaction to anything." And now, after a year of hard work, I am on the other side of that awful cloud and I see just how unhealthy my worry/anxiety was for all of us--my kids, my husband, myself. And, most importantly, I trust my reactions again. When I start to worry, or I feel anxious, I can look at that worry objectively and decide whether or not it is legitimate. Couldn't do that before.

You don't have to live with it. Hang in there.

I remember feeling ALL of these things with both of my children until they were well past six years old, and I still fear thay will die in a horrible car crash every time my mother takes them. Neurosis continues perhaps the entire time we are parents.

I think you seem like a fairly normal worrier. When you have people you love so much, how can you NOT? Many people who tell you not to worry haven't actually HAD many bad things happen to them. Granted...I don't know you so can't judge on what is excessive, or not. BUT, my theory is, some people just admit their thoughts more than others. If you met me, you would think I never worried about anything, but I've had both my parents ill with cancer at the same time (my dad died, my mom survived), I've been in car accidents, I've had my house robbed in broad daylight when my son was 5 weeks old (and I probably live fairly close to you...in one of the "safest" areas in the country). What I'm trying to say is...once you've lost someone or something, you know how much it hurts, so of course you'll worry. All you can do is take precautions and be hopeful. So, within the realm of all the things to worry about...don't worry that you worry to much!