Napping
So, I've written about this enthralling subject before.
I am so fucking frustrated.
We have gotten to the point where Willa only naps one or two days a week (if I'm lucky). She'll go 5 days without napping.
Here's the kicker- it's not like I'm trying to force a non-tired kid to nap. She's visibly tired. She gets whiney, and cranky, and starts falling over. If she doesn't nap, the afternoons are horrible. She'll often burst into tears for no apparent reason BECAUSE SHE IS SO TIRED.
I just don't get it. I remember nap time IN KINDERGARTEN when I WAS FIVE. Willa started fighting her naps when she was A YEAR OLD. Seriously. The first day ever that she didn't take a nap was on her first birthday. She stopped napping in her stroller when she was about 10 months old.
I honestly am more tired now then when Willa was an infant.
If she doesn't nap, it's 12-13 hours a day of non-stop action. It's not that Willa is hyper active- it's just that she's very INTERACTIVE.
"Mommy, let's dance"
"Mommy, read me this book"
"Mommy, chase me"
"Mommy, watch me!"
"Mommy look"
She's getting better, but she's not the best at playing by herself. I can't blame her. It's much more fun to share activities with someone.
Admittedly, my physical issues make parenting more challenging for me than most.
TANGENT: I am really fighting with myself to not use the TV as a crutch, but it's difficult. I used to be able to shower while she was napping, but now that there is rarely a nap, I have no choice but to turn the TV so I can shower. I must mention- Willa HATES when I shower. She cries hysterically. We think it's a fear thing. I am comfortable with letting my kid cry in certain situations, but not if she is hysterical and shaking with fear. So, a few mornings a week, I turn on Sesame Street so I can shower.
I've stopped beating myself up about it because you know what? We read about 20 books a day, we take classes at the Y, we go to programs at the library twice a week, we go to museums, etc.- a little Sesame Street isn't going to hurt her.
Back to the napping issue-
After we eat lunch, I give Willa about 10 minutes to digest (which also gives her a chance to poop). Then we head to her room, brush her teeth, change her diaper, and read a couple of books. Then I sing her her lullaby and put her in the crib. She is usually yawning and acting sleepy. We have black out curtains. The minute I walk out of her room she starts singing and jumping up and down in her crib.
After about a half an hour of her playing I go in and check to make sure she hasn't pooped. Either way, I change her diaper if necessary, and put her back down. She often cries and says "All done Mommy!"
Today, she is napping, after an hour and 45 minutes of singing and playing, and me going back in her room twice, and finally, 15 minutes of her crying it out.
It shouldn't be this hard. I hate letting her cry it out.
But, I'm exhausted. And so is she. And I have things to do.
At night, after we put her to sleep, I am too tired to get anything accomplished. To be honest, getting her to nap is so physically and mentally exhausting, that on the rare occasion that she does nap, most of the time I don't get much accomplished either. I'm not getting stuff done. I'm overwhelmed.
I was a nanny for years. I am not one of those woman who was surprised at how hard parenting is. However, I always assumed my kid would nap- at least until school started. So, I always told myself, well even if I'm really tired, or sick, at least I can have a break or take a nap when my kid naps.
Boy, was I wrong.
Comments
Ugh, kids are so exhausting, even if they DO nap- you poor mama! Have you told her to have x minutes of quiet time in her bed during nap time, whether she actually sleeps or not?
Posted by: Kate | August 27, 2009 04:19 PM
My son was a horrible sleeper from day one, and he did not nap regularly, ever. (He was in daycare at the University where I attended law school - the teachers said he was the most awake infant they ever had.)
I don't know what to tell you except that it sucks. It sucks to have a child who does not sleep. (I will say Gabe was rarely cranky, though. He never seemed to NEED a nap.)
The only thing that got me through was a mantra of "this too shall pass." He is 9 1/2 and he only sleeps 8 hours at night, and he never naps. But at least he reads in bed at night and plays Legos in the morning and lets me sleep these days.)
Posted by: lawmomm | August 27, 2009 10:12 PM
have you tried a little bit of rocking? My kids always liked "rocky rock" and it was a nice bonding time for us. That's when we'd sing a little and then either to crib or porta crib, depending on where the rocking chair is.
Posted by: Barb | August 27, 2009 11:25 PM
I'm going through the very same thing myself. I had a horrible day on Monday when my son (1 month younger than Willa) wouldn't sleep and I spent several hours driving him around trying to get him to fall asleep, which normally works. He was exhausted but nothing worked. I spent my whole day trying to get him to sleep and I thought I was going to go crazy by the end of the day. He's in daycare 3 (half-days) a week. He naps there everyday. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I have been just as frustrated, crazy and exhausted as you feel. I get nothing done ethier. I hope someone out there has a solution for us, just wanted to let you know you are not alone right now.
Posted by: Lisa | August 27, 2009 11:51 PM
Have you tried quiet time? When my kids started refusing to nap I started doing "quiet time" in place of it. (They seem averse to the term "nap" and start getting upset but the idea of quiet time doesn't bother them.) I tell them that they do not have to sleep but they DO have to be quiet and stay in their rooms. I leave a little bit of light in the room (lift the shade a few inches) so that they can look at books but it's still dim enough that it doesn't stop them from sleeping if they drift off. So they lay there looking at books and 9 times out of 10 they nap anyway. If they break the rule and are not quiet, they get a time out and then go back to quiet time with their books. It has worked for us... my kids both stopped napping regularly at pretty young ages. Without quiet time I wouldn't have survived!!!
Posted by: Jenn | August 28, 2009 10:34 AM
I don't have any advice, as my kid gave up naps at age two and though I do force her to have quiet time, read books by herself, you can't really do that with a 1-2 year old (she's almost five). So, i feel for you, A LOT, I really do.
And as for the TV thing? DO NOT feel guilty. No jusitification needed, as far as i'm concerned.
Posted by: Farrell | August 28, 2009 10:45 AM
I can't sympathize, but can imagine how exhausted you are. If only she could nap during nap time and play by herself a bit outside of nap time instead of playing by herself during naptime. I'll cross my fingers for a couple of quiet afternoons for you!
Posted by: Jenski | August 28, 2009 11:18 AM
sleep is so annoying sometimes. i hate letting my son cry it out (especially if I am hoem alone, which you are) but if I focus on the fact that it gets him to sleep & he is a happy toddler afterwards and can enjoy his day more, it makes it slightly bearable. I am told I was a terrible napper but enjoyed watcing sesame street as my "nap" time. It was the 70s so people were not that evangelical about tv... I think it was what I needed and not a crutch but something that worked.
Posted by: lauren | September 1, 2009 11:22 PM
I'm a new reader that found you through Dad Gone Mad. I just read your post, "Invalid" and wanted to thank you for saying everything that I've been feeling. I don't have a diagnosis and I may never have one for fatigue and chronic pain. Maybe I'll be lucky and it will go away. Maybe not. All I know is how isolating it is to be in pain everyday, to have to continue on with the motions because you have responsibilities when you feel like you can't.
Until I read your post I didn't realize how much I was blaming myself for not excerising more, not doing enough yoga, or meditating about a healthy well-being. Most days I just try to make it through. I wanted you to know that you aren't alone. Thank you for making me realize that.
Posted by: B | September 3, 2009 05:01 PM
I hate everything about the first year so far trust me!....My baby hated naps and sleeping since day one!....I was exhausted after having her and would she sleep?...nope.....I had to spend my couple of days in the hospital trying to walk her around to get to sleep you name it....needless to say she is now 9 months and its still a huge battle to get her nap..and she is tired and cranky all day long!....We don't like to take her anywhere cause she is just too miserable and screams!!!!!.....I understand all about the taking showers and whatever else!.....I can't even go to the bathroom!!!....she screams and just has a fit!!!!!!!!!!.....I am lucky if I get to have showers!! I know all about the tv.....I just put it to disney playhouse....its enough to keep her occupied so I can actually leave the room for a second just to get her a bottle or something!......I know all too well what your going through,,,,,and your baby is older!.....All I can say is I don't think mine is going to grow out of this anytime soon!......and I REALLY CAN'T WAIT until she is older and more settled down...cause I am going crazy!
Posted by: Sabrina | October 14, 2009 11:13 AM