So, we have a situation.

Our oldest cat, Annie's health is declining. It's not a surprise considering she is about 16 years old, but the fact that she lives in our bedroom, makes everything more complicated.

The first problem-
Annie eats only wet food, for several reasons, but mostly because her teeth have decayed, and the vet isn't comfortable putting her under anesthesia to clean her teeth at her age. I have come to terms with the fact that my bedroom occasionally smells like a fish market, but now there is another food related issue. In the past few months, Annie has become a SUPER sloppy eater. I'm not sure I can adequately express to you how sloppy. The entire wall that her food bowl sits against has cat food particles ALL OVER IT. SO does the floor. And the bed skirt. AND, if you walk to the other side of the room, you will find cat food particles on the wall there too, because apparently Annie has made a habit of walking around with a mouth full of food and then shaking her head (this is our guess, anyway). If any of you have elderly parents or grandparents, you will totally get what I'm saying. It's like life comes full circle- you need a bib at the beginning AND the end of life.

So, now my bedroom is coated with cat food particles, and kitty litter, which brings me to the next problem-

I can not say enough negative things about having a kitty litter in my bedroom. The smells (WHAT THE HELL IS IN THAT CAT FOOD?), the litter everywhere (including ON MY BED), and the scratching that wakes me in the middle of the night- all suck, but not as much as Annie's other fun new problem-
Um, how do I say this? She's less AWARE of her ass these days. Like, on an almost daily basis I find a turd somewhere in our bedroom. Sometimes ON MY PILLOW. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than coming to bed EXHAUSTED only to find a turd on your pillow. And sometimes there are skid marks (gags). I'm not sure if it's a loss of bowl control, or a grooming issue, but we were already having to contend with a lot of vomit (Annie has always been a "vomiter"), and now there is bonus poop.

So for those keeping score, our bedroom is pretty much covered in cat food, kitty litter, poop and vomit. Anyone up for a sleepover?

The newest problem is that Annie sleeps on the edge of the bed, actually sometimes half on the bed, half on my husband's night stand, because cats are WEIRD. Anyway, I was kind of liking this situation because Annie used to sleep on my head every night. But, now- and I swear I am not making this up- she keeps falling off the bed in the middle of the night. REPEATEDLY. Last night it happened FIVE TIMES. I'm assuming she just falls deeply asleep and then the next thing you know she is on the floor, but she doesn't do it quietly, oh no, that would be too much to ask. She often takes items on the nightstand with her- last night it was the baby monitor. There are a lot of nails clinging to the sheets and blankets, which often leads to her hanging off the bed by one nail- which means I have to wake up and try to untangle her, which is a fun festival because she it hissing and trying to attack me the whole time. She can't figure out that she just needs to retract her claw- even after having this happen eleventy billion times.

So between eating as though she is using a chainsaw as a fork, scratching in the kitty litter for 20 minutes at a time- only to fill the room with an aroma that burns my nostril hair, leaving turd presents everywhere, vomiting under (or on!) my bed, and falling off the bed, I am getting virtually no sleep. And when I get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee, or perhaps to untangle a certain cat, I pray that I don't step on anything wet or squishy.

*I am not looking for advice. I just needed to vent. If you leave a comment about how I should "just get rid of her" or "put her to sleep" I will probably not publish it.