I'm coming home
When we moved out of Manhattan about 15 months ago, I tried to convince myself it was for the best.
"Manhattan is so expensive! I can't stand the crowds anymore!"
I have tried really hard to like the suburbs. I really have. We joined a playgroup, we go to programs at the library at least twice a week, we go to the Y, we talk to our neighbors, and yet, this still doesn't feel like home.
I don't feel like I fit in here.
I am a vegetarian, organic,liberal, hippie who wears ironic T-shirts without a bra.
This is the land of steak, and republicans, and "what label are you wearing".
At first I was really mad at myself for not liking the suburbs. I routinely suffer from the grass is always greener syndrome. Then, I had an epiphany-
No place is perfect.
I am never going to live in a magical place where all of my friends and family live within a few blocks, and that has all of my favorite restaurants and stores, and has perfect weather, and exciting night life. It doesn't exist.
This realization was a huge step for me. It was a "grownup" moment.
So, I had to figure out where I (and my husband and kid) would be happiest.
In the little over a year since we have lived in the suburbs I have gained ten pounds and aged several years. I never realized how much I thrived off the excitement of Manhattan. How much those little chats you have with random people you meet when you are walking your dog in the city mean to me. I am a social person. I don't really need alone time. I thrive off of interacting with people.
Here in the suburbs NOTHING HAPPENS. I often take Willa and Dexter on an hour long walk, and we don't pass one person walking down the street.
There are things that the lazy part of me like about the suburbs- Being able to hop in the car and drive places when it's really hot or really cold, opening the back door and letting Dexter out to pee.
I constantly have to fight the lazy. In Manhattan you can't be that lazy. Hence the ten pound weight gain.
I feel old here. I feel like I am becoming boring. I feel like I am not myself.
The suburbs are killing my soul.
I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true.
And I miss my friends. My friends who are so awesome. My friends who I always say "I love you" to when I'm ending a conversation. My friends whom Willa calls her Aunts and Uncles.
They are my family.
When we moved here we thought we would still see our friends all the time. "It's just a short train ride away" we would say to try to convince ourselves that it wouldn't be that bad. But, it's bad. The reality is that depending on where you are going to or coming from in the city, it takes about an hour and a half. Which means about a 3 hour round trip. My friends are busy people. They can't always devote an entire day to dragging their asses out to the suburbs. When we lived in the city, I would meet my friends by their offices to have a quick lunch, or sometimes they would get off work early and we'd meet at the cafe. I miss that.
My husband works a lot. 60 hours a week on average. He commutes at least two hours a day. Two precious hours that he would rather be playing with his kid.
So, we are moving back to Manhattan.
Sure, there are things about Manhattan that I won't/don't like, but if it means seeing my friends and husband more often, and feeling at home, then I'll just have to deal.
We are also going to take a lot more day trips out of the city.
We're not going to move tomorrow. We are probably going to stay here until the late Spring so we can save up our money.
I'm sure those of you who have been reading my blog have a lot of questions right now. I'll write more about this in the future, but right now I want to tackle the most commonly asked question when we tell people we want to live in the city "But it's so expensive!" (Not really a question, more of a statement.)
Well, here's what I have to say about that. Living in Manhattan is certainly expensive, but there's a reason it's expensive- it's awesome. I use the example of fine china. A lot of people have fine china, but they never use it. It just sits in the cabinet collecting dust.
I liked the idea of the suburbs. I'd love to have a big, beautiful house, but what good is having a big, beautiful house if it's always empty?
I want to take more risks (I'll write more about that later too), and live each day to the fullest.
I would rather die poor, having lived a happy and exciting life, then die a miserable, boring millionaire.*
I want to use the fine china EVERY DAY.
*(Disclaimer: I am in no way insinuating that everyone who lives in the suburbs are miserable and boring. I'm just talking about how I feel.)
Comments
I'm glad you're going to back to the place that makes you happy.
Posted by: Y | September 3, 2009 03:33 PM
i believe that the facebook group dedicated to this topic can claim victory!
Posted by: rach | September 3, 2009 03:37 PM
YAY!!
You wrote it, now it has to be true!
Posted by: Paul Gutman | September 3, 2009 03:43 PM
I'm so EXCITED for you, Torrie. This sounds like it's the right decision for you and your family, and you know what? That's really all that matters.
Posted by: Kerri Anne | September 3, 2009 03:47 PM
This is the most optimistic you've sounded (read?) in a long time. I think this is the best move for your family. Good luck!
Posted by: randi | September 3, 2009 03:47 PM
Totally psyched for you!
Posted by: Sarah | September 3, 2009 03:51 PM
I agree with Randi. I love that tone, T-Bone. Go where the happy is.
Posted by: Dad Gone Mad | September 3, 2009 03:58 PM
I am so happy for you. Who cares what others think, this is your life and your happiness.
Posted by: von Krankipantzen | September 3, 2009 03:59 PM
I'm so excited I could pee. I mean, it won't be like it was when we lived within a mile from each other, but it will be much better than it is now. I really want Clo to hang out with her big sister Willa!!!
Posted by: Ange | September 3, 2009 05:00 PM
Using the fine china ROCKS. Well, except for the hand washing required part...but I loathe doing dishes from the depths of my soul. ;)
Anyway, I recently moved from a perfectly good neighborhood because I wanted to be closer to the things and people that I liked, which happened to be in a different neighborhood (albeit only about 3 miles but WORLDS apart). My rent is higher now. But OMG is it so worth it. I feel much less lonely now. I get out more. I walk more. My mood is much better. It was a good decision for me, whether people understood/understand it or not. It was what was good for *me*.
Your environment has a much larger impact on your peace of mind and happiness than people realize. Live where you want to live. Happiness is priceless.
Posted by: Shana | September 3, 2009 05:08 PM
Paul forwarded this to me and I so enjoyed reading it--your self-reflection and perspective on your experiences living in burbs and the city. Know that we await you with open arms (and will happily take the train out to see you between now and the move:) LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
Posted by: Stacey | September 3, 2009 05:49 PM
I think "Go where the happy is." is going to be my new motto. I'm so glad that you are going back to where you and your family will thrive. :)
Posted by: Keely | September 3, 2009 05:56 PM
I'm so glad that you found a happy resolution to your quandary. I know it was weighing on you - you so deserve to be happy.
Posted by: Cass | September 3, 2009 08:14 PM
Congratulations! I am SO thrilled for you and the husband and that enthralling kiddo. I remember a conversation we had in the mansion kitchen about your decision about whether or not to move and I remember thinking to myself, "Oh yeah. They need to go back to Manhattan. They love it there. That is where they need to be."
I do have to admit though, for one distinctly happin' moment I thought "THEY ARE MOVING HOME TO BOSTON!!!" and I was all excited and then I realized that it was total wishful thinking and was kinda bummed (for me) and then I was super HAPPY! (for you!!). Do come to Boston any time! Give the family a hug for me. VAGINA!!
Aimee
Posted by: Aimee Parkhurst | September 3, 2009 08:40 PM
WHOHOO! If it makes you happy, it makes me happy! I freakin' love NYC. Save up and make it happen; I know you will!
Posted by: Farrell | September 3, 2009 09:10 PM
Fantastico! You always did strike me as more of a city gal, and I don't blame you one bit.
(Also, now, if I ever manage to make to NY, we won't be on a train forever to get to where the real debauchery is happening!)
Posted by: Bucky Four-Eyes | September 3, 2009 09:40 PM
This is EXCITING! I don't think you have to feel guilty at all about not wanting to stay in the 'burbs. I grew up with cows and farms and subdivisions, so that's what I love. I could never live in the city. But then again, I also have family and friends close by. I can't imagine not having that, it would be horribly lonely! So if you can take your family to where you'll all be the most happy, I say go for it.
And hey, you gave the suburbs the old college try, right? ;) heh At least you won't always wonder.
Posted by: Jen | September 3, 2009 11:31 PM
I so relate to what you are saying! We moved to the burbs almost a year ago, and in a couple of months, are moving smack dab back into the middle of downtown Houston. Sure, I have a huge house out here, but no one ever visits because it is too far. The commute is 40 minutes each way. There are no good restaurants out here. I have gained weight, too.
I am glad that you are doing this - it is going to be good for you, your hubby and your baby. Sacrifices will be made - I know we will be making sacrifices, too. But it is so worth it to feel alive and be near the ones you love!
Posted by: Snickrsnack Katie | September 4, 2009 09:03 AM
When it really comes down to it, happy parents are what makes happy kids. If you want to live in the city, and that's what it takes to make you happy, then it's the right decision! :)
(We are, and will likely always be, poor, because I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to EVER move to the suburbs...so yeah. I feel you on this.)
Posted by: Jennifer Mathis | September 4, 2009 09:44 AM
Whoo!
You might be closer now but Manhattan is so much more convenient. And we can get brioche! With that fancypants delicious stuff on it. And quiche where you pick out all the veggies.
Posted by: Heather B. | September 4, 2009 10:27 AM
Dude, I am so with you!
We want to move back into Philly in the worst way. I don't know how we'll do it, but it will happen. :)
Posted by: Cecily | September 4, 2009 10:41 AM
You must do what makes you the happiest because if momma ain't happy....NOBODY IS!
I live in the 'burbs of Pittsburgh and I secrectly wish, yearn to live in what passes for the big city here.
When you shuffle this mortal coil.....no regrets!
Posted by: Shari from Ohio | September 4, 2009 11:25 AM
Good for you, Torrie!
There is going to be a vacancy here, you know. You want our place? Two bedroom, nice view. Elevator.
I can even leave Em's room decorated for Willa!
Happy for you. Start saving for private school now tho. Or at least get on the waiting list.
Posted by: mihow | September 4, 2009 01:52 PM
Only now realizing that my public school statement sounded like i was doing the whole Manhattan is expensive bit. Not the case. What I meant was that a great deal of the public schools around these parts aren't places you'd probably send Willa. :] So, yeah, get on the waiting list! (Or! Move to Greenpoint, home of one of the best public schools in the nation. No joke. But super hard to get into apparently.)
I'm rambling.
You will make this work. And it will be awesome. And you should take our apartment.
Posted by: mihow | September 4, 2009 02:44 PM
Sounds like this is going to be a good thing. Good luck over the next months getting ready to move home!
Posted by: Jenski | September 8, 2009 09:04 AM
I totally understand where you're coming from! I think the "struggles" of city life are really worth it, and I'm glad you're finding a way to make it happen for yourself and your family! And that is your supportive comment from a total internet stranger of the day.
Posted by: daria | September 9, 2009 06:47 PM
Just another one of many who thinks this sounds awesome.
Also a bit experienced in this arena since we left Manhattan 7 years ago and still haven't moved back tho' we desperately want to. So I'll just sit over here quietly and be jealous.
We didn't have a car when we lived in NYC, so I always added car costs (loan, insurance, gas, oil changes) to what we saved by not living in the 'burbs. Expensive but worth it.
Posted by: Alyce | September 9, 2009 07:11 PM
I agree with you about the excitement of NYC. That is why I choose to live here, and I hope someday my partner is happier here, as well. (Right now she's thoroughly turned off by the high cost of living vs. her small paycheque.) I'm glad you're coming back.
Posted by: W. Lotus | September 21, 2009 07:53 AM
why did i feel some relief reading this?
i love thinking of your family in THE city.
Posted by: rachel | October 3, 2009 08:09 PM