I pretty much hate everything

Fin

2010-01-13T20:55:50Z

The new blog is up and running:

It's not you, it's me

2009-12-21T15:07:01Z

This is the second to last post on I Pretty Much Hate Everything.
The last post will be a link to my new blog.

So, why am I walking away from here?

I've been blogging here for 6 1/2 years. I have met so many amazing people because of it, and had so many amazing opportunities.
Blogging has seen me through and supported me through so many things- miscarriage, pregnancy, illness, death- just to name a few. I don't regret blogging. It's just that I have evolved, and I feel like my blog hasn't. The thing I hear the most when I meet someone through blogging is that the title of my blog does not suit me. It's such a small part of who I am.

I like to complain, but it is not a quality I admire about myself. It's not what I want to be remembered for. And here comes the cheesy part- it's not the example I want to set for my daughter. Also, I have a pretty good life- and it's time I started acting grateful.

I am still me. I'm still cynical. I'm still generally disappointed with the human race. However, I'm learning to be appreciative of what I have, and to enjoy the little things.

There's also the issue of writing. I am not a writer. Never have been. I have never kept a journal. When I'm working through something I don't have a desire to write about it. Writing isn't cathartic for me, it's a chore. And when you develop an audience (whether it's 10 people or 10 million people) you start to feel an obligation to deliver something to them. I don't need any more pressure or obligation.

I'm really excited about the new blog. It will have a different feel than this one. There will be much less writing (although, there may be the occasional long-winded post), and a lot more images. There will be photographs, design ideas and inspiration, maybe some recipes, and a focus on how I'm striving to live a simpler, happier, healthier life. It's called Shifting Life.

I know some people will be disappointed. Some will think I've lost my "edge".

But, for those of you who have read between the lines on this blog, and have seen that there's more to me than someone who likes to complain a lot, I hope you'll come along and follow me on my journey.

Things I'm Enjoying 7

2009-11-06T02:53:37Z

Fuck The American Mustache Institute
An article by Natalie Portman
Home Alone
You just can't fix stupid
The 20 Best Signs At The National Equality March
It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers Via Dooce
The greatest thing ever
Best comments ever

*If you have any great links, leave a comment. If I use your link in my next Things I'm Enjoying post, I'll link to your blog.

Things I'm Enjoying 6
Things I'm Enjoying 5
Things I'm Enjoying 4
Things I'm Enjoying 3
Things I'm Enjoying 2
Things I'm Enjoying

A year later

2009-11-02T16:25:55Z

Remember this?

Well, this past Thursday I dropped off a check to renew our membership. It felt so good to be able to pay for it myself. The Y has been such an important part of our lives this past year.

I can't wait until the day comes when I can return the favor to someone else

Bank Of America, FAIL

2009-10-21T21:47:23Z

My husband and I use Bank of America for our bank accounts, and we have a credit card through them. My husband got the credit card sometime during medical school (I don't know the exact year, and he's in surgery as I type this, so I can't ask him). He graduated from medical school in 2004, so he's had this credit card for more than 5 years. My husband opened the bank account when he was a freshman in college-1996 (originally it was Bank Boston, and then they were bought out by BOA).
When I moved to Boston in 1999 I opened an account at the same bank.
So, to recap, my husband has had a relationship with this bank for about 13 years, and I have had one for about 10 years.

This July, right before my husband started his new job, we reviewed our finances.
We had accrued a modest amount of debt since Willa was born. My husband had been training and getting paid very little. So we were charging a lot on the credit card.
Now, here are some facts:
With the exception of a couple of months period right around the time we got married in 2003, we had always paid our credit card bill IN FULL every month.
During the time when I was pregnant, and we started charging more, and we weren't able to pay the bill in full, we still paid AT LEAST double the minimum due every month.

When we reviewed our finances we realized that our interest rate on the BOA credit card was very high. We should have called them YEARS before to negotiate a lower rate- it was probably not the best time to ask for a reduced rate when the country was in a recession and we had a balance on the card, but we called them anyway. They told us the only way they would lower our interest rate was if we closed the account. We didn't want to do that because it would have screwed up our credit, and we had a bunch of automatic payments tied to the card. At least we gave it a shot, we said.

Right before we had called BOA to ask for a lower rate, we had started using Mint.com (which I highly recommend.) A few days after our phone call with BOA I did a double take when I signed on to Mint.com and noticed that our BOA credit card limit was $10,000 lower. I thought maybe I was wrong, but I checked with the husband and he confirmed that it was indeed $10,000 lower.

We called BOA (again) and asked what was going on, and basically we were told that because we asked for a lower interest rate they lowered our limit. I would like to point out that with the new limit, we were now only a few thousand dollars away from reaching the limit. So, if I had not checked Mint.com and noticed that our limit had been lowered, and I had tried to charge more than a couple of thousand dollars, to say, pay for my daughter's school tuition, my card would have been denied.
I said as much to BOA. I said "you can't just lower our limit by $10,000 without telling us". Their response "We sent you a letter." (which we hadn't received yet) to which I said "That's all well and good, but the limit decrease should not have gone into affect until we received the letter."
They had no sympathy for us. I could hear them shrugging their shoulders through the phone.

Last week, I tried to use my Bank Of America credit card and it was denied. I used my debit card to pay the bill, and that night the husband and I called them. Apparently withing the past few months, one of the companies we had purchased something from had a security breach and customers' credit card information was stolen. So, as a precaution Bank Of America sent a letter to their customers, and then issued them new cards. We never got the letter or the cards. The letter had stated that on a certain date our current cards would be shut down. That was the day I tried to use the card and it got denied.
We told them we never got the letter or the cards. They said they would issue new ones. We asked how long it would take for the new cards to get here- they said about 7 business days. We explained that we use the card almost every day. We asked if they could overnight or express mail the new cards to us- they said no. We said we couldn't go a week without a card. They said we could keep using the card until the new cards arrived and we activated them. We were relieved. Then, today I tried to use the card at the supermarket- it was denied.

I came home and called them. As usual, I had a hard time getting through to a human being. After explaining the whole story (again) for 15 minutes to a very confused customer service rep, I was disconnected while in the middle of a sentence. I collected myself, and once the steam stopped leaking out of my ears I called back. Explained the whole story (AGAIN) to another (very confused) person. Finally after being put on hold a bunch of times she gave me the bottom line- my current card has been completely shut down. The new cards were sent out over the weekend. We have no card to use until the new card gets here. We were, as usual, given the wrong information.
As I was on the phone with Bank Of America, I was on freecreditreport.com filling out a form for my credit report (part of the continuing saga of us trying to get our finances in order) and they asked for a credit card number (They don't charge it, it's just part of the verification process). So, I asked the woman who I was on the phone with what I was supposed to do and she told me I couldn't do anything until the new cards arrived. Even though she gave me the new number it won't work until we activate the new cards.

I find it so funny that if you owe them money the credit card companies have no problem calling you relentlessly (this hasn't happened to us, but I know plenty of people it has happened to), but when security has been breached, and they are shutting down your card and supposedly sending you new ones, they can't call you.

Another fun fact. We asked them why they couldn't email us. They told us they don't use email to communicate with customers. That is ridiculous. It is 2009. Everyone uses email. Our Bank of America bank accounts communicate with us through email. How is that different from the credit card.
If they had sent us an email none of this would have happened.

On another note- we signed up for an ING Direct savings account last night. Another thing we should have done years ago. Their interest rate is 10 times the interest Bank Of America is giving us. And they charge us A TON of random charges.

Like I said before- we have paid AT LEAST twice the minimum we have owed for the entire time we have had the card. In the 10 weeks since my husband started his new job, we have paid off 75% of the balance on the credit card. we should have the entire thing paid off in the next 6 weeks.
We are good customers. We are the type of customers a bank should want. Now that my husband is making decent money, we will eventually have a mortgage, and more money in our accounts, and possibly be opening up additional accounts. Bank Of America should be fighting to keep us. Instead they are constantly giving us the run around, and giving us poor customer service.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again-When are corporations going to learn that you need to spend money to make money? Also, if you have a good product with good customer service, you don't have to spend a ton on advertising. Word of mouth can go a long way. And the only word of mouth Bank Of America seems to be getting these days is negative.

They could learn a lesson from Apple.

I have spoken too soon

2009-10-16T14:06:32Z

Remember this entry?

Well, we have a problem.

Last November, when Willa was first diagnosed with Cold Induced Urticaria we weren't sure what to expect. We gave her medicine almost every night for months. The medicine made it more manageable. If it wasn't too cold Willa could even play outside for a few minutes. But, it was a constant concern.
She had hives all the way through May. Basically, if it was 55 degrees or less, she got hives.
They never really seemed to bother her though. Occasionally she would tug at her ears, but that's it. The summer was great because I spent three months never having to worry about the urticaria. We had a couple of instances where Willa went swimming in a relatively cold pool, and she didn't get any hives. I stupidly took that to mean her urticaria was getting better. I convinced myself that it was getting better, that it wasn't a big deal.

Then, a few weeks ago it was 55 degrees and cloudy outside. I took Willa and Dexter on a long walk. About halfway through the walk Willa started to get some hives. I headed home, but we were about 20-30 minutes away at that point. Willa started to cry and and pull at her hands which were now swollen and covered in hives. She kept saying "Mommy, it hurts!" I was helpless.
Here are some pictures:

I was completely traumatized. Completely.

I had to deal with the reality- Willa has Urticaria. She might outgrow it, but that usually happens after 5-7 years. She's only had it for a year. She might never outgrow it.

We can't live in Manhattan where you have to walk everywhere.

Urticaria is rarely life-threatening, but there is something instinctual that happens when I see my kid swollen and covered in hives- I feel like I must fix it.

I can't fix this.

After that traumatizing episode I completely freaked out. I told my husband that we should move to California. In my usual psychotic fashion I started researching towns in California.

For a few weeks I was spending my time applying to pre-schools in Manhattan, while simultaneously looking at pre-schools in California. I was driving myself insane. I had to cover all the bases. I didn't really want to move to California. I mean, if I could convince all of my friends and family to move there, I totally would, but our entire life is on the East coast.

I was praying fro a miracle.

So finally, my husband and I had a long talk.

We both finally said the words "We can't move to Manhattan."

And I was relieved and heartbroken all at once.

And then we decided we would compromise. We aren't moving to Manhattan. We aren't moving to California. We are staying in the town where we have lived for the past year and a half.

Here is how I feel about that:

As much as I am a mature, responsible adult, I still have childish fantasies. I wanted to live in Manhattan. I wanted to hang out with my friends all the time. But this isn't an episode of Friends. Perhaps I am mourning the loss of my fantasy instead of the reality. Sure, if I lived in Manhattan I probably would have seen my friends more often, but not that much more often. They all work a ton. And who's to say that a bunch of them won't move out to the suburbs too.

The town and the area we live in is fantastic for kids. There's no denying that.

True, I wrote before about how I felt like I didn't fit in here, but maybe I need to make more of an effort. Maybe I need to go to some of the vegetarian meetups in the area so I can meet other like-minded people. Also, the mother's helper has only been here a few times, but already I can see what a huge impact having a little help can have on me. I think that if I have a little help, and spend a little time on myself, I'll be much happier.

I still hate that my husband works 10-12 hours a day and then spends another 2 hours a day commuting, but we have to do what's best for our kid.

At least here I can take her from the house to the car, and from the car to the library, or the Y, or the store, etc. As opposed to Manhattan where you have to walk everywhere.

And as much as we were willing to spend extra money to live in Manhattan, it makes so much more sense financially to stay here. To not have to constantly worry about money will be nice.

I must admit, it's always been great being able to say I grew up in Manhattan. There's something special about it. I wanted that for Willa too.

I still have doubts about whether or not we should be staying here. I don't like the idea of my kid having to take medicine every day for 6 months out of the year. Plus, I HATE the cold. I wouldn't mind living in a place that's warm. However, our whole support system is here, and we don't think it makes sense to start a new life on the other side of the country when there's a possibility that Willa might outgrow this in a few years. We want Willa to grow up surrounded by her Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents.

The weird thing about all of this is that I have absolutely no resentment towards Willa. I would do anything for her. She's getting so big, but she's still so small and fragile. I must protect her. And the only way I can sleep at night is if I know I'm doing what's best for her.

This is what's best.

I am trying my hardest to make the best of this situation. To be excited about the prospect of living in a bigger place, of not having to deal with all of the Manhattan school drama (I will write a post about that one day), of enjoying nature.

Manhattan is my home. It always will be. But maybe it is/was my childhood home. Maybe it's time for me to stop clinging to my childhood. Maybe this new town can be my grownup home. Maybe I just need to give it a chance.

Things I'm Enjoying 6

2009-10-13T02:49:49Z

It Made My Day
Best Gymnastics Falls
10 Most Racist Moments In TV
Regrestsy
Engrish
Accidental Dong
My Parents Were Awesome
Amazing article

*If you have any great links, leave a comment. If I use your link in my next Things I'm Enjoying post, I'll link to your blog.

Things I'm Enjoying 5
Things I'm Enjoying 4
Things I'm Enjoying 3
Things I'm Enjoying 2
Things I'm Enjoying

Actual conversation between Willa and one of her little friends

2009-10-07T14:28:35Z

Keep in mind that they are both 2 1/2.

Willa- "I like your pretty shirt"
Friend- "Thank you"
Willa- "You're welcome"
Friend- "Look at my belt"
Willa- "It has airplanes on it!"

FIN

Also, this picture warms my cold, unfeeling heart:

Filling Space

2009-10-07T02:46:25Z

I'm having one of those times in my life where I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I have a lot of things going on right now, and a lot of big decisions to make. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. Between the physical issues and all of the things that need to get done, it's overwhelming. I'm just trying to stay positive- I'm constantly teetering on the edge of depression. I battle every day to make sure I don't tumble down that path.
I've started several posts and haven't been able to finish them. I can't seem to find the right words.

So instead I will share this with you:

Last Saturday we went to Harvest Fest at Stone Barns Center.
We started out by checking out the flowers, fruits, and vegetables in the organic garden. We sampled the strawberries and green beans right off the vine. Then, WIlla did some hay jumping, before we said hi to the sheep and turkeys. After that, we had an awesome lunch and watched WIlla play with the other kids and roll down a hill. We finished up our time there by listening to some awesome live music.
It was a fantastic day- the kind of day that helps me get through the tough days.

Here is a slideshow of the best pictures of the day:

Accepting Help

2009-09-30T19:36:08Z

Well, since I wrote this, over a year ago, things have only gotten worse.
Shortly after I wrote that post I got a steroid injection in my shoulder which gave me some relief for about 3-4 months. So it flared up again, and I tried to ignore it, until it got so bad that I was in constant pain. A couple of months ago my doctor scheduled me for another shoulder injection. This time I got no relief. Before the injection, they gave me a comprehensive ultrasound, and the results were not good. Fraying tendons, misshaped capsule, substantial inflammation. Not good.
A little less than 5 years ago I had shoulder surgery. The recovery was HORRIBLE. It was months before I could use my arm. How could I go through that with a toddler?

As I said in the post I linked to, the pain makes everything harder. EVERYTHING. I'm exhausted by the end of the day.

So, I finally bit the bullet. We hired a mother's helper. It's only for 8 hours a week, but it is going to be so helpful. We're not looking at it as a luxury, we're looking at it as a necessity. I am so thankful that my husband's new salary is making it so that we can afford some help. We really need help.
My husband also wants me to hire someone to come and clean at least a couple of times a month. He's totally right- we should do that- It's becoming increasingly difficult for me to clean, however, there is a part of me that feels so weird about hiring people to help me.
When I go to parties, you'll often find me chatting with the waiters, or the kitchen staff. I feel awkward having people do things for me. I don't ever want anyone to think that I'm entitled or spoiled.

I trying to learn how to accept help, but It's hard. I think maybe it's because I'm not OK with needing help. I want to be independent. I want to be able to do it all.

I don't want to be trapped in this body that keeps failing me.

But I am.

Star Cake

2009-09-23T21:20:27Z

Willa is fascinated with parties. We've been lucky to attend several in the past few months.
One day we were driving to a party. Willa was very excited. She asked us a bunch of questions including "Will they have cake at the party?" That lead to a whole conversation about cakes which lead Willa to say "Mama, you make a star cake with me?" I said "Sure, I'd love to make a star cake with you."

I think it's very important that I follow through when I promise things to Willa, so a few days later, we made a star cake together.

The funny thing about this whole situation is that Willa doesn't usually like cake. She doesn't really like sweets, but I did notice that she liked the whipped cream that was on a cake we had at a party, so I decided to ice and fill our star cake with whipped cream.
She loved it.

I made vanilla whipped cream, and then separated some of it and added cocoa powder to make chocolate whipped cream to fill the cake with.

The cake itself was a healthy banana cake made with whole wheat flour, and agave nectar instead of sugar.

It was a hit.

As someone who grew up in the kitchen baking with her mother, and then eventually went to culinary school and became a chef, I can not tell you how awesome it was to bake with my own child.

*As requested, here is the recipe for healthier Banana Cake:

2 cups Whole Wheat flour
2/3 cup Agave Nectar
3/4 teaspoon Baking Soda
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1/4 teaspoon Cinnamon
3 large, ripe (the riper the better) Bananas
1/4 cup Plain or Vanilla Yogurt
2 large Eggs beaten a little bit
4 tablespoons of butter, melted
1 tsp Vanilla Extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Melt butter in a microwave safe bowl on high in 30 second increments until melted. Set aside to cool.
Mix together all dry ingredients.
Mash bananas and then with a fork, stir in the yogurt, then the eggs, the vanilla, the agave nectar and the butter.
Combine wet and dry ingredients and mix. Be careful not to over-mix.
Pour into a greased cake or loaf pan.
Bake for approximately 45 minutes.
If baking in a cake pan, start checking for doneness after 35 minutes.
If baking in a loaf pan it can take up to an hour.

Tips-

If you find that it is too brown, next time you make it, lower the oven temperature 25 degrees to 325.
You can add chocolate chips- add at the end of mixing.
You can add blueberries or raspberries.
If you are an experienced baker, and up for some experimenting, you can do a couple of fun things, like add pureed blueberries, or ground nuts. Some people, like children (and me) do not like big pieces of blueberries or nuts in their banana bread/cake, but still want the nutrients they provide. So, I puree blueberries or ground some nuts to add to the batter. This upsets the moisture content in the recipe, so you need to compensate. If you add blueberry puree then you need to maybe add a bit more flower are take out a bit of yogurt, and if you add the ground nuts, you need to add moisture. You'll have to experiment to get it where you like it.

*If you make this recipe please let me know in the comments.

Pieces of Him

2009-09-17T00:58:33Z

In December 2005, my father, mother, and husband chipped in and bought me my first "real" camera, the Nikon D70.

It was my father's idea. My father and I had our issues, but he was very supportive of my photography. He was genuinely excited for me.

It was because of the D70 that I got the attention of the advertising firm who was working on Nikon's new ad campaign. In August of 2006, right before I got pregnant with Willa, I was chosen to be one of the lucky few who was featured in the ad campaign and given Nikon's new camera, the D80.

Since then, I have had the luxury of having two great cameras

A few weeks ago someone very close to me called to ask me my advice-
Long story short- His wife is a makeup artist. His line of work has practically dried up since the recession hit. They are struggling to pay their bills. They have one child and another on the way. His wife works with a lot of models, actors, and musicians. He started to shoot some head shots for these people with his dinky point and shoot. He wanted to know if there was a decent camera he could get for cheap, so that he could perhaps actually make some money.

I gave him my camera.

In the weeks between me telling him I would give him the camera, and the time when I would actually see him in person to give him the camera, I started to have some anxiety.

I try very hard not to think about my father all the time. Maybe that's not the healthy thing to do, but it's what helps me deal. It's been two years since he died, and I'm losing pieces of him. If I let myself think about him too much then I lose sleep.

That camera is a piece of him. It is a symbol of his belief in me. And I never really thought about it until I was about to give it away.

As I was packing up the camera and it's supplies to give to its new owner, I felt like someone was sitting on my chest.

The time came for me to hand it over, and the minute I saw the look on his face, I was at peace.

As I watched him play with the camera, and shake his head in awe, I remembered what it felt like when I first held that camera. How unbelievably happy and excited I was. The potential that that camera stands for.

It is a gift to be able to make someone so happy. it is a gift to be able to give someone something they deserve.

My anxiety has completely faded and is now replaced by joy.

I hope my father felt the same joy when he gave me that camera.

A letter to myself

2009-09-11T14:19:36Z

Dear Torrie,

When are you going to learn that watching Grey's Anatomy right before bed is not a good idea?
Especially when one of the characters is battling Melanoma, the same disease you watched your father die from. Especially the night before the anniversary of September 11th. Especially the day after someone close to you had a 12 hour surgery. Especially when you have a million things to accomplish in the next few days. Especially when you've had a really tough week.

Do you enjoy only getting ONE HOUR of sleep because you spend all night tossing and turning because your mind is racing?

When will you learn?

(You idiot.)

Love,

Your Subconscious

My day

2009-09-08T20:29:11Z

I have been on the phone for six hours straight (I can't tell you why yet- hopefully I'll be able to in the future) and it's not even for something fun, like winning concert tickets. I am stressed and in tears.

We are out of toilet paper and most food, but I can't go to the supermarket because I haven't washed my hair since Friday.

I have two zits on my forehead.

I have eleventy billion things to do.

I'm hungry. I would like some warm chocolate chip cookies please.

We won't even talk about my shoulder and back.

I'm coming home

2009-09-03T19:20:40Z

When we moved out of Manhattan about 15 months ago, I tried to convince myself it was for the best.

"Manhattan is so expensive! I can't stand the crowds anymore!"

I have tried really hard to like the suburbs. I really have. We joined a playgroup, we go to programs at the library at least twice a week, we go to the Y, we talk to our neighbors, and yet, this still doesn't feel like home.

I don't feel like I fit in here.

I am a vegetarian, organic,liberal, hippie who wears ironic T-shirts without a bra.

This is the land of steak, and republicans, and "what label are you wearing".

At first I was really mad at myself for not liking the suburbs. I routinely suffer from the grass is always greener syndrome. Then, I had an epiphany-

No place is perfect.

I am never going to live in a magical place where all of my friends and family live within a few blocks, and that has all of my favorite restaurants and stores, and has perfect weather, and exciting night life. It doesn't exist.

This realization was a huge step for me. It was a "grownup" moment.

So, I had to figure out where I (and my husband and kid) would be happiest.

In the little over a year since we have lived in the suburbs I have gained ten pounds and aged several years. I never realized how much I thrived off the excitement of Manhattan. How much those little chats you have with random people you meet when you are walking your dog in the city mean to me. I am a social person. I don't really need alone time. I thrive off of interacting with people.
Here in the suburbs NOTHING HAPPENS. I often take Willa and Dexter on an hour long walk, and we don't pass one person walking down the street.

There are things that the lazy part of me like about the suburbs- Being able to hop in the car and drive places when it's really hot or really cold, opening the back door and letting Dexter out to pee.
I constantly have to fight the lazy. In Manhattan you can't be that lazy. Hence the ten pound weight gain.

I feel old here. I feel like I am becoming boring. I feel like I am not myself.

The suburbs are killing my soul.

I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true.

And I miss my friends. My friends who are so awesome. My friends who I always say "I love you" to when I'm ending a conversation. My friends whom Willa calls her Aunts and Uncles.
They are my family.

When we moved here we thought we would still see our friends all the time. "It's just a short train ride away" we would say to try to convince ourselves that it wouldn't be that bad. But, it's bad. The reality is that depending on where you are going to or coming from in the city, it takes about an hour and a half. Which means about a 3 hour round trip. My friends are busy people. They can't always devote an entire day to dragging their asses out to the suburbs. When we lived in the city, I would meet my friends by their offices to have a quick lunch, or sometimes they would get off work early and we'd meet at the cafe. I miss that.

My husband works a lot. 60 hours a week on average. He commutes at least two hours a day. Two precious hours that he would rather be playing with his kid.

So, we are moving back to Manhattan.

Sure, there are things about Manhattan that I won't/don't like, but if it means seeing my friends and husband more often, and feeling at home, then I'll just have to deal.

We are also going to take a lot more day trips out of the city.

We're not going to move tomorrow. We are probably going to stay here until the late Spring so we can save up our money.

I'm sure those of you who have been reading my blog have a lot of questions right now. I'll write more about this in the future, but right now I want to tackle the most commonly asked question when we tell people we want to live in the city "But it's so expensive!" (Not really a question, more of a statement.)

Well, here's what I have to say about that. Living in Manhattan is certainly expensive, but there's a reason it's expensive- it's awesome. I use the example of fine china. A lot of people have fine china, but they never use it. It just sits in the cabinet collecting dust.

I liked the idea of the suburbs. I'd love to have a big, beautiful house, but what good is having a big, beautiful house if it's always empty?

I want to take more risks (I'll write more about that later too), and live each day to the fullest.

I would rather die poor, having lived a happy and exciting life, then die a miserable, boring millionaire.*

I want to use the fine china EVERY DAY.

*(Disclaimer: I am in no way insinuating that everyone who lives in the suburbs are miserable and boring. I'm just talking about how I feel.)