Posted by torrie at 10:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

One minute I am having a bad dream about my father that I can't remember the details of when I wake up. The next I am having a dream that my husband and I are having hot shower sex.

One minute I am banging my head against the wall because my kid is screaming in her crib because she won't take a nap and I know she is tired. So, I end up having to put her in the stroller and walk and walk in the cold and rain for 45 minutes with tears streaming down my face because I am hungry and exhausted. The next minute I am playing with my kid and she is in a great mood- curious and laughing- and I think my heart is going to burst from all of the love.

One minute I am annoyed and yanking on Dexter's leash shouting "LEAVE IT" when he tries to eat some unidentified thing off of the sidewalk because I know it will give him diarrhea and he will wake me up in the middle of the night to go out- because I'm not exhausted enough already. The next minute Dexter greets me when I walk in the door with a stuffed animal in his mouth and a wagging tail. Later we snuggle in bed together and he rolls around on his back snorting with delight while I rub his tummy.

One minute I feel like I'm a fraud for calling myself a photographer because I really have no idea what I'm doing technically- I'm afraid that one of my clients will ask me a technical question and I won't know the answer. The next, I am excited and proud of a picture I took and I feel like I really have an eye. And isn't the end result- a good picture- all that really matters?

One minute I'm feeling self conscious and embarrassed about my post-baby body. And I'm angry at myself for not eating better and exercising more. The next, minute my husband tells me I'm sexy, and I realize that maybe my body isn't so bad, and that in a couple of years when we have more money I can hire a trainer and really get in shape.

One minute I'm totally stressed out about all of the things I have to do. The next, I'm crossing stuff off of the list and feeling a sense of accomplishment.

One minute I am in so much pain. My shoulder, my back, my hips. The next minute I realize that I am thankful that I can walk, and that I have access to some of the best medical care in the world.

One minute I feel like life is too much for me to handle. The weight of the world is on my shoulders. The next minute I'm at the park, pushing Willa in the swing while she squeals with joy, my husband and Dexter standing next to me, and I realize that maybe life isn't so bad after all.

Posted by torrie at 05:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Posted by torrie at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

While hanging out and laughing with your good friends have someone tickle your back while you eat chocolate pudding and watch Barack Obama win three more states.

Posted by torrie at 10:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Look who has their two front teeth:

Posted by torrie at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (18)

Posted by torrie at 07:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Dear Willa,

One of my favorite bloggers (she had me over to her house for dinner once and she made me an ice cream sundae with caramel sauce and M&M's and then we stuck Cheerios to her dog's head- how could I not like her?) writes a letter to her daughter every month. I am horrible writer, and I don't have a lot of free time, so I can't/won't do this every month, but I had a few things to say.

You are such a good baby. I would never call you an easy baby- you constantly need stimulation, but there have been entire days when you didn't cry once. You smile and laugh all the time. I especially love when you wake up in the morning. You are in such a good mood, and you're all warm and snugly. Sometimes I'll bring you into bed with me and you will snuggle next to me and smile while you touch my face. Those are my favorite moments- all of us in bed together.

Your beauty scares me. I never tell you that you are beautiful; I tell you that you are smart. I don't ever want you to rely on your looks to get ahead in life. At first I thought maybe I just thought you were stunning because you were mine, but everywhere we go people comment on your beauty. People actually stop me on the street and in stores to marvel at you. You look up at them with your big blue eyes and smile. I must admit that I'm happy that you are strapped into your stroller because I'm afraid that someone might run off with you.

You love the animals. You watch them with a look of fascination on your face and you laugh and try to talk to them whenever they walk by. We are teaching you how to be gentle with them, and so far you are doing a good job.

They love you too.

When you were a few weeks old I resisted giving you a bottle because I was afraid you wouldn't want to breast feed. Well, we had a great lactation consultant who showed us the right way to use a bottle and we never had a problem. Now we have a problem, but it's the opposite of what I was afraid of. Having someone give you a bottle is not as convenient as it sounds. Every time you have a bottle I still need to drain my breasts, so I have to pump. You are a very quick eater, so it's usually just easier for me to breast feed you. We went a couple of weeks without giving you a bottle, and now you REFUSE to take one. You only want the boob. This means that I can't leave you alone for more than a couple of hours. I'm glad you like me, but it would be nice to be able to go see a movie with your father once in a while.

You are not a big sleeper. You take after your father. This is very odd for me, because I come from a family of big sleepers. Even the adults take naps. Before you came along I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night. You take two (three if I'm lucky) 1/2 hour naps a day. That's it. At night you wake up several times. I am very tired. God forbid you poop in the middle of the night because then it's party time and you don't want to go back to sleep. At least that's something you get from me- you get really happy after you poop.

You LOVE trees and plants. You get very excited when you see the trees swaying in the wind. You laugh and babble and kick your feet. I love that you love nature and it makes me feel guilty for living in the city.
You also love water. Your favorite time of day is bath time. When your father is home he likes to give you a bath. I usually stand in the kitchen making dinner listening to him singing songs while you splash.

You are totally a daddy's girl and sometimes when I watch you two together I think my heart might burst. The love that I feel is so overwhelming that I forget to breathe.

You love books or anything with writing on it and you love when we sing to you. You try to sing along.

You are very healthy and strong. You've been rolling over from front to back for a while while now (you were a day shy of six weeks the first time you did it!) and th other day your father put you down in th middle of the bed on your back and when he turned back around you were on your belly. He was stunned. You were smiling, obviously proud of your accomplishment.

You are so awesome that I admit that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like there is no way the universe could have gifted me with such a fantastic child, and it's all going to be taken away from me.
I hardly told anyone that we had a health scare with you recently. You have a lump in your leg. I was terrified that it was something horrible. That the doctor might say the "C" word to us, but it turns out that it was just a reaction to a shot you got. I have never been so relieved in my life.

There's something I want to thank you for. I don't know how I would have gotten through my father dying without you. Your smile is infectious, and without you I probably would have been curled up on the floor crying. Thank you for giving me a purpose and for being such a wonderful distraction.

When I was a little girl all of my friends wanted to be ballerinas, or veterinarians, or doctors. I just wanted to be a mother. That's all I've wanted my whole life.

You were worth the wait.

Posted by torrie at 10:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (33)

Part of a new series I put together called "My Kid Has More Style Than Me".

Posted by torrie at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Posted by torrie at 09:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

I think it has taken me 41/2 months to finally write this because I don't feel like i could ever do this story justice, but here it is anyway.

It was Monday May 14. My doctor was planning on inducing me on Tuesday. I really didn't want to be induced, but I was in so much pain at that point that I just wanted the pregnancy to be over.
At 12:30pm I visited my acupuncturist hoping that he could kick start my labor.
At 2pm I had an appointment with my OB. She said I was still less than 2cm dilated, but that I was "soft and so ready to go". She also asked me if I was aware that I was having contractions. I wasn't. I just felt kind of crampy. She told me to check into the hospital at midnight. They were going to insert something into my cervix to soften it and get labor going- unless of course, I was already having regular contractions.
Labor and delivery was really busy that night so they called us and asked us to come at 1:30am instead.
We checked in (we are in the biggest birthing room in the hospital- my doctor hooked us up) and I was hooked up to the monitors and IV's. It turns out that I was having contractions about five minutes apart so they couldn't give me the medicine to soften my cervix because I was already technically in labor. At 3:00am they started me on a low dose of pitocin.

They pump me up with so much fluid over-night that for the first time in my pregnancy my ankles are swollen and I get some stretch marks on my hips- NO KIDDING.

Over the next few hours various nurses and doctors kept saying to me "are you sure you're not feeling anything?"
My contractions were increasing and I still wasn't feeling them.

Over night I just hung out with my husband and watched DVD's- all the while watching my contractions increase on the monitor, but not feeling anything.

At some point early in the morning I had to poop. I was so worried that they weren't going to let me go to the bathroom because they told me once I was hooked up to the IV's and monitors that I couldn't get out of bed, but the nurse took one look at my terrified face and unhooked me. I was so relieved. I had spent the entire pregnancy- from the moment I first saw those two lines- worrying that I would poop on the table during delivery.

My contractions increased in frequency and strength throughout the morning- still with no pain.

My mother arrives.

At around 11AM one of my doctor's partners (my doctor was at her office a few blocks away) comes in to check on me. I am 4cm dilated.
He tells me that he wants to break my water and insert a catheter and that if I was planning on getting an epidural I should do it now because once my water breaks I should be in pain. I feel really weird about getting an epidural when I'm not having any pain, but I figure eventually there is going to be pain so we call the anesthesiologist.

After months of worrying, and getting an MRI and being assured that even though my back is fucked up, it's not fucked up in the way that should affect the epidural, they have trouble putting in my epidural. It takes several tries and two doctors.

They finally get the epidural in. I sit and wait for the supposed wonderful feeling that all of these woman talk about. The feeling that makes people want to hug their anesthesiologist. I just feel like my ass is asleep. I HATE the epidural. I tell my husband to have them turn it off. The nurses and doctors think I am a crazy woman. They keep asking me if I'm sure. I am sure. They turn it off.

My best friend arrives.

We are laughing and joking around with the doctors and nurses. We ask them to guess when the baby will be born. We hear things like 6pm and 10pm.

All of a sudden at about 12:30 I start experiencing INTENSE pain. It is different from how everyone describes it. It is not in my abdomen. It is in my crotch. I close my eyes and try to work through the pain. We call the anesthesiologists back to turn on the epidural. NOW I wouldn't mind a numb ass.

My doctor's partner sticks his head in the room as he's heading out of the hospital. I tell him that I'm having a lot of pain and pressure. He checks me. I am 8cm dilated. He is VERY surprised at how quickly I'm progressing.

My in-laws arrive. I am aware of their presence, but am focusing on getting through the pain. I assume that my husband will ask them to leave before I start pushing because that is what we had discussed.

SO MUCH PAIN. The epidural is doing nothing.

My best friend keeps asking why I'm not screaming. "Where's the screaming? How come there's no screaming?"

My doctor arrives. She is wearing a beautiful dress.
She had been sitting at her desk eating a sandwich telling her husband that she would probably miss the party they were supposed to go to that night because I was in labor, when her partner called her to tell her I was 8cm. She stopped eating her sandwich and ran over to the hospital. I tell her to take her time and finish her sandwich. She says "Um, yeah, I think I'm going to change into my scrubs".

Everyone in the room is watching my contractions on the monitor. My husband had explained to them how it worked. My best friend still doesn't understand why I'm not screaming.

She comes back into the room at 1pm and checks me. I am 10 cm dilated. She tells me it's time to start pushing. I wonder if she got to finish her sandwich. My best friend can't believe that after 16 years of me telling her that one day she would be there when I gave birth, that she is actually going to watch me give birth.

My doctor and my nurse tell me to start pushing. It is then that I realize that I have no idea how to push. It takes me a few tries to figure it out. My doctor has the epidural turned off which is fine with me because it wasn't giving me any relief anyway. (My doctor later says to me that she thinks she shouldn't have turned off my epidural. She thought it was making me numb, but she realizes now that it was just taking me a little while to learn how to push.)

My in-laws are still in the room. My father-in-law is standing a few feet away from the horror show that is my vagina.

My husband is holding one of my legs, my mother is holding my other leg and my best friend is pushing my head forward.

My doctor laughs and says that this is the most people she's ever had in the room during a delivery.

I am pushing. It is REALLY hard. It feels like the worst constipation I've ever had, times ten.

I am tired. I had pretty much been awake at this point for a day and a half.

More pushing. The contractions are right on top of each other. I only have a few seconds between each. I'm thinking if I could just rest for a couple of minutes...

But the urge to push is overwhelming.

I BEG for the vacuum. I say I can't do this. I feel the head and I'm thinking that there is no way I'm going to be able to get it out on my own. My doctor stays completely calm and tells me I'm doing fine. I feel like I've been pushing forever.

FINALLY the head comes out. I let out a scream. My best friend is relieved to know that I am human. I actually say "Thank God" out loud. I know the rest will be easy.

60 seconds later, at 2:30pm, after one hour of pushing, Willa was born.

There was much excitement and tears in the room.

My doctor tries to place Willa on my chest, but the umbilical cord is way to short- she can barely lift her. She asks my husband for help. He cuts the cord. I get to meet Willa. We are all amazed- when I was born I almost died because my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck AND it was too short. I am relieved that Willa's cord was not wrapped around her neck.

Willa is perfect. I can't believe she is finally here. I feel the most at peace I have ever felt. Everyone around me is a flurry of nerves and I have never felt so relaxed.

I am a mother.

It was worth the wait.

Posted by torrie at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Inspired by Dooce's "Oh my god our plumbing is fucked cookie" I bring you Depression Dessert:

1)Crumble one package of graham crackers in baking dish, or if you like to be ghetto like me, use a tupperware container.
2)Make one box of chocolate instant pudding according to the package directions. Pour over graham crackers. (If you are using cooked pudding make sure you let it cool a little first.) Place in fridge.
3)Mix large amounts of peanut putter and marshmallow fluff together. Spread over chocolate pudding (once it has set up).
4)Layer thinly sliced bananas on top of the fluffernutter mixture.
5)Drizzle with chocolate sauce or melted chocolate (I used a melted milk chocolate bar).

If you are really depressed you may also want to add one or all of the following:
M&M's
Caramel sauce
Toasted Coconut
A crushed up candy bar of your choice.
Rum

ENJOY!

Posted by torrie at 08:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

We are supposed to leave on August 25th for a ten day vacation at my mom's house. She lives in the Pocono mountains. It's all trees, and lakes, and farmers' markets- AKA relaxation.
I just looked on line to rent a mini van because we won't be able to fit in our car. It will be me, my husband, Willa, my mom, Dexter, two of my cats, and all of our stuff.
The CHEAPEST car rental rate I could find was more than $1,000. We can't even remotely afford that. I naively thought it would cost about half of that, which we still couldn't really afford, but I was rationalizing it because we were staying at my mom's so we aren't paying for flights or a hotel. Plus, have I mentioned how much we need a vacation?
I have no idea what we are going to do.

My dad is in constant pain now. They have been giving him percocet for the past few days and it's making him very sleepy. Now they're going to have to give him something stronger. So, I guess he'll be spending his remaining days completely out of it.

The Sarcastic Journalist sent me cupcakes and This Fish came to town and took me and Willa to our favorite cafe. Have I mentioned how awesome my friends are?

My birthday is tomorrow and I couldn't care less.

Posted by torrie at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (23)

Posted by torrie at 06:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Here's what I'm sure will be the first of many videos of Willa that I will be posting.

Posted by torrie at 09:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Posted by torrie at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

-She has red hair
-Up until a couple of weeks ago almost no clothing fit her. Everything was too big. She basically lived in these onesies that come in a "just born" size. We even had to buy some preemie clothing for her. This makes no sense because at her 1 month check up she was 50th percentile for weight (about 8 3/4 lbs.) and 75th percentile for height (22 inches). I'm thinking the charts they use for the percentiles have not been updated in several years- babies have gotten much bigger in the last ten years. Otherwise it wouldn't make any sense as to why Willa (at almost 7 weeks) is wearing "newborn" size and the 0-3 month size is still big on her.
-For the first 6 weeks of her life she hated my right breast. Refused to latch on to it. I had to use a nipple shield. A few days ago she made peace with my right breast, but lefty is still her favorite.
-She smiles and laughs all the time.
-She is happiest right after she poops (Like mother, like daughter).
-She loves artwork. She constantly wants to look at the paintings and photographs in our apartment. She smiles and babbles at them.
-She loves when you kiss her.
-She rolled over 1 day shy of 6 weeks. This is extremely early. I expect her to be walking and talking in a couple of weeks.
-She wants to stand all the time. she keeps pushing herself up to a standing position.
-She has been holding her head up since day one.
-She is VERY strong.
-She does not sleep nearly as much as a normal baby. I am tired.
-We nicknamed her "Gizmo" because she makes all of these weird gremlin-like noises.
-She makes a lot of funny hand gestures.
-She is a daddy's girl.
-When she is unhappy she does a perfect pout.
-She doesn't mind when Dexter licks her.
-She loves taking a bath.
-She is 7 weeks old today.
-She is awesome.

Posted by torrie at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Posted by torrie at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (22)

Willa Elizabeth!

Born on May 15th at 2:30 pm
6lbs. 6oz.
19 inches

Story coming soon....

Posted by torrie at 08:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (72)

Words I can not hear enough of when uttered by a sonogram technician:

Perfect
Excellent
Just right
Right on target
Beautiful
Spunky

Today I had my 36 weeks sonogram. (I'll be 36 weeks in two days.)
The baby was measuring 5 1/2- 6 lbs (PERFECT!).
The above picture does not do justice to how awesome this ultrasound was. My mother and my husband were there too.
We got to see her face (I burst into tears), her fists, her little feet kicking me in the ribs, her butt, her tummy (so round), and her brain (I may be biased, but it looked big to me).
She even got the hiccups during the ultrasound.
Her umbilical cord is not wrapped around her neck (Mine was and I almost died during my birth).
The placenta and the amniotic fluid looked great.

I am on cloud nine.

Posted by torrie at 09:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)

Watch this.

Posted by torrie at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

There is a crib in the next room.
And a changing table.
And little tiny baby clothes.
And lots of other baby related gear.

I am 34 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

I just read that if the baby was born today she would have a 99% chance of survival.

I feel her moving all the time and it is awesome.

On July 4th it will be the 10 year anniversary of when I met my husband.
I would say that within six months of meeting him I knew I wanted to have a baby with him.

Now, here we are.

I think we might actually have this baby.

I can't wait to meet her.

Posted by torrie at 01:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

"The snoogle is cock-blocking me."

Posted by torrie at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I have much better posts than this one to write, but I am lazy. Instead, enjoy this poorly written post riddled with bad grammar.

So, without further ado, here is a list of things that have happened in the last week (in no particular order).

- My back has gotten increasingly bad. Walking used to be the only thing that made it feel better, and now that hurts too, so I'm basically screwed.

-We had our 20 week anatomy ultrasound. It was mostly awesome. Except for the part where the baby was breech and totally would not cooperate and they kept making me move from side to side, and then they made me walk around and eat ice cream, and after all that the baby was still breech. So, 4 different sonogram technicians poked and prodded my belly trying to measure various parts of the baby.
There was one part where the baby was kicking me, and I mean REALLY kicking me. Like get this fucking uterus off my feet/ kung foo fighting kicking me and even the sonogram technician whose job it is to look at babies in the womb ALL DAY was like "WHOA, that kid is really kicking you" and I'm thinking that when I can REALLY feel her kick (right now I only feel flutters) this is not going to be as cute.
After two hours, when we were on our fourth sonogram technician, the only thing left to do was take some measurements of the baby's profile. That was right about the time the baby decided to nuzzle her face into the placenta so we couldn't see a god damn thing. I fear that this baby is just like me.

- I was going to drive the animals to my mom's house by myself on Friday because we were going to be leaving for vacation at 5AM on Saturday, but the husband concluded that there was no way with my bad back that I was going to be able to load all the animals and their crap into the car by myself and then drive 4 hours (especially knowing that I was going to have to sit on a plane for six hours on Saturday). So, he made the executive decision that after the sonogram on Thursday he would drive to my mom's.
Because the sonogram took so long we didn't even get on the road until 6:45pm, so we didn't get home until 11:30 PM. The husband had to get up at 5 the next morning.
When we got back, the husband couldn't find his wallet anywhere. Which was just what we needed to be dealing with after such an emotionally exhausting day. We concluded that the only time he had taken his wallet out was when we stopped for gas (about an hour into our 4 +hour round trip). So, I spent 10 minutes on the phone with directory assistance trying to figure out the phone number of the gas station.
I finally got the number, and miraculously they had found the wallet.
However that meant that I was going to have to drive 2+ hours round trip on Friday to pick up the wallet which kind of defeated the purpose of the husband driving me the night before.
I was complaining about all of this to Heather over IM on Friday morning when she offered to drive me. Seriously. It's things like this that make me realize that I have hit the friend jackpot.
So, she drove me. And I picked up the wallet. And everything was still in it.

- We left for our vacation at 5AM on Saturday. At the security check at the airport I got pulled aside to be screened. The woman was wanding me and there wasn't even a beep and she said to me "why did he pull you aside?" and I said "I don't know, maybe because I'm pregnant" and so she asked him and sure enough he said he pulled me aside because he wanted to make sure I wasn't smuggling anything under my shirt. The woman, who was his superior, got really pissed and said "she's pregnant, you idiot".

-We used all of our frequent flier miles to fly first class because we figured it would be easier on my back. Boy, were we wrong. They didn't have any pillows, so I had to use 4 blankets to support my back. One of flight attendants was rude to me, there was hardly any leg room, and the food sucked.
So NOT worth it.

-We are in Utah. We're up in the mountains right above Salt Lake City. The husband is skiing while I sit around the lodge on my fat ass all day.

-Utah is BEAUTIFUL, but DRY. Really DRY.
I have never consumed so much water in my life.
Also, my nose is all dry and crusted, and bloody. I'm seriously considering shoving some of my moisturizer up there.

-Yesterday I leaked colostrum all over my husband's T-shirt.
I can't believe this is already happening. I thought that wouldn't happen until after I give birth.
I keep thinking if I'm leaking this much now, imagine how much I will leak once my milk actually comes in. I wonder what kind of trajectory these bad boys will have.

-Flickr has something against me and it won't let me upload any of my pictures from my laptop.

-People ski entirely too fast.

Posted by torrie at 11:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Or at least that's what my doctor thinks. The baby would not stop moving around. Her little arms and legs were flailing around. We are having another sonogram in two weeks and they will confirm it.

Of course my email is not working. So I can't email anyone to tell them.

Posted by torrie at 05:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (29)

The baby is "perfect"!
The baby is "perfect"!

Maybe we are actually going to have this baby!

All this AND Britney files for divorce from K-Fed, the democrats kick the republicans' ass, AND Donald Rumsfeld resigns!?

Oh happy day!

Did I mention that they said the baby looks "perfect"?

Here's a picture of the baby sucking its thumb:

To see a couple of more sonogram pictures check out my Flickr page.

Posted by torrie at 10:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)

Tracy made this picture for me.
(The picture was too wide to post here, so you'll have to click on the link.)

If you don't get it, watch this.

Posted by torrie at 09:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I went to the docotor today because I was having some shooting pains.
It turns out that the pain was just from my uterus expanding so rapidly.
I had an awesome sonogram. The baby was moving around and the heartbeat was strong.

If you click on the picture you'll see notes explaining what you're looking at.
This is the farthest I've ever gotten in a pregnancy.

Posted by torrie at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)

So, yesterday I was on the phone with Duchess. I walked in to my bedroom to start packing for my trip and there was a LARGE explosion that shook my building I looked out the window and saw a huge fireball and realized immediately that a plane had hit the building across the street from me. I watched in horror for a second as windows blew out and burnt pieces of paper started flying through the air.
I proceeded to freak out. I must say I am quite disappointed in my reaction. I basically hung up on poor Duchess and started to hysterically cry. (I called her back about ten minutes later to explain what was going on, but still- can you imagine being on the phone with your friend and all of a sudden they freak out and say "A PLANE JUST HIT THE BUILDING ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME! I HAVE TO GO!"?)
I dialed 911 several times with shakey hands but I couldn't get through.
I was watching the building. Watching the smoke get worse. And it occurred to me that I should stop watching in case people started jumping.
Then the phone started ringing. Both my home phone and my cell phone rang all day. I must say my friends could not be more awesome. They called and emailed all day to check on me. Some even called several times. They knew I was alone yesterday (The husband was on call last night). They knew what it must have been like for me to see a plane fly into a building. They didn't judge me or say I was over-reacting when they called and I was sobbing. And they kept calling me until 10pm last night. They offered up their offices and apartments. I love them all.
It didn't occur to me to leave until the smoke started to get very think and black and I could smell the fumes. Being pregnant put a whole new spin on the situation. I took a 2 minute shower to wash of all of the nervous sweat. Then I went down to the 16th floor to my friends' apartment (I live on the 32nd floor). By this time the smoke had calmed down so I went across the street to the hospital just so I could give my husband a hug.
Once I found out it was an accident I felt 100 times better. I can't say I didn't have bad dreams last night, but I'm feeling much better today.

In a few hours I leave for my trip to Chicago and Indianapolis.

Along the way I will meet up with Bucky, Jessica Rabbit, Nick, Melissa, and Schnozz.
It's going to be a blogger festival!

Thanks to the new laptop I should be able to check in from time to time.

Posted by torrie at 09:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (20)

The sonogram was perfect!

Baby had a strong heart beat!

Posted by torrie at 05:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Thanks to my mother-in-law and my husband's work allowance.

It will be used mostly for the research my husband will be doing, but I will cherish what little time I have with it.

Posted by torrie at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

So, um, apparently I'm a photographer now. I thought it was pretty cool when a couple of my pictures were featured in the Style Section of The New York Times, the German magazine Max, and several websites, but then I was chosen to be a part of Nikon's new national ad campaign for their new camera, the D80:

I can not even begin to describe what an honor this is.

Starting tomorrow (October 4th) one of my photographs will also be featured on their website. * I just found out that it might be a couple of more days before my picture is on the website.

I've also been doing some head shot/portrait type stuff, including pictures for Heather.

It is so wonderful to be recognized for something that you are so passionate about.

*Update- If you are interested in seeing the ad in person, here is a list of the magazines it is running in:

Shutterbug
Outdoor Photographer
Pc Photo
Popular Photography
Demystifiying Digital
Popular Science
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Posted by torrie at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (23)

We saw the flickering of a tiny heart!

Thank you for all of your good vibes!

Posted by torrie at 07:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)

I spoke to my doctor yesterday and she said my HCG and Progesterone levels were "perfect" (If not a little high)!
(For those of you who don't understand what the hell I'm talking about- my blood test was "perfect")

I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but YAY!

My fingers and toes are starting to cramp from all the crossing.

Posted by torrie at 11:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)

This is the reason why

-My arms look like this
-I can't go to Stanley
-I just ate crackers for breakfast
-I refuse to get a manicure even though I could really use one
-I am so hungry that if I don't get food NOW I will kill everyone within a three block radius
-I burst into tears over how in love I am with my husband
-I am apprehensively happy

Posted by torrie at 11:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (25)

Check it out.

I can't decide which one is my favorite, but I'm leaning towards the naked indian humping a corn dog.

(Make sure you click on the links for part 2, 3, and 4 too.)

Posted by torrie at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Highlights of my vacation:

-Relaxing
-A FANTASTIC massage followed by a dip in a mineral bath
-Brie and Pear soup
-Getting pooped on by a baby hairless rat
-Watching the mommy hairless rat pee all over my husband
-Having the massage therapist tell me I was very muscular. Who, me?
-Going on a two hour hike up a mountain to the top of a tower where on a clear day you can see six states
-Going on a ten mile bike ride (something I thought I'd never be able to do)
-Having afternoon tea and cookies while sitting on a porch, in a rocking chair, overlooking a lake
-Seeing TWO baby bears
-Playing with an opossum
-Role reversal- the husband was trying to have sex with me while the Mets game was on- I said "Can you just wait until this inning is over?"
-Getting licked by a deer
-Watching Itsy try to have sex with a catnip cigar
-Snuggling in bed with Dexter and my husband
-Organic banana buttermilk pancakes
-Finding the perfect brown, non-leather purse- for 7 dollars!
-Listening to Dane Cook in the car
-Standing in an Alpaca pen
-Sitting in a book store with my mom and my husband, reading magazines, and sipping tea
-Holding a pygmy hedgehog
-NATURE

Pictures coming soon.

Posted by torrie at 11:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you don't read Sarah Brown's blog you are missing out on some of the most clever writing on the internet.

She's also the creator of bershon.

Posted by torrie at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Today is my last day in my twenties.

In my twenties I have:

- Met, fell in love with, and married my husband.
- Graduated from culinary school, worked my way up to executive pastry chef, and won a gold medal at a culinary competition
- Had three surgeries, including a career ending shoulder surgery.
- Adopted Dexter, Mookie, and Itsy.
- Lost my beloved Grandmother.
- Had two of my photographs published in The New York Times.
- Made many great friends.
- Left my comfort zone and moved to a new city.
- Been pregnant twice and lost both pregnancies.
- Found out my father has terminal cancer.
- Started eating better.
- Gained 27 pounds.
- Lost 8 of those pounds.
- Discovered and fell in love with the internet.
- Read too many books to count.
- Had LOTS of sex.
- Learned a lot about myself.
- Stopped letting people walk all over me.
- Became a brunette.
- Almost come to terms with my nose.
- Learned a lot about myself.

It's funny; I use to think I needed to accomplish everything by the time I turned 30. Now that 30 is here, in some ways, I feel like my life is just beginning.

I'm excited to see what's in store for my thirties.

Posted by torrie at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (21)

Go see Little Miss Sunshine right now!

It is that good.

Posted by torrie at 11:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

So busy.
Which is a good thing.
I'm (for once) not complaining.

Had a great fun filled weekend that included a concert, going to the gym both days, and a very relaxing night on a roof deck, drinking margaritas and having good conversation.

I've also been very busy with Veggie Pregnancy. It was mentioned in a newsletter that goes out to more than 10,000 people, so I had to make sure it was updated.

AND, tomorrow I have a meeting about a photography project that I've been asked to be a part of. I'm REALLY excited about it. I'll find out tomorrow if I'm actually allowed to divulge any information.

On Friday I'm shooting some headshots for someone, and them I'm spending the weekend at my mom's house.

Like I said- BUSY.

But this time it's in a good way.

Posted by torrie at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

... to my sweet little boy. He turns six today!
They grow up fast.

For more pictures of Dexter click here.

Posted by torrie at 03:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

My plan was foiled, but still funny nonetheless.

*Read the post from July 5th.

Posted by torrie at 06:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Today is our three year wedding anniversary.

When the rest of my life is a mess, at least I know I got one thing right.

Posted by torrie at 10:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (22)

I am the #1 search result for "I hate underwear" on Google.

Posted by torrie at 05:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

I'm feeling better.

Much better (well, mentally anyway).

I am trying hard to enjoy life and take part in things that will give me a sense of pride.

I am going to take a photography course in the Fall (my mother's birthday present to me).
I am looking into getting my real estate license( something I've always been interested in).
I will go back to focusing on my website (I understandably needed a break).

I am spending time with my friends and laughing a lot.

I am getting things done around the