So, we have a situation.

Our oldest cat, Annie's health is declining. It's not a surprise considering she is about 16 years old, but the fact that she lives in our bedroom, makes everything more complicated.

The first problem-
Annie eats only wet food, for several reasons, but mostly because her teeth have decayed, and the vet isn't comfortable putting her under anesthesia to clean her teeth at her age. I have come to terms with the fact that my bedroom occasionally smells like a fish market, but now there is another food related issue. In the past few months, Annie has become a SUPER sloppy eater. I'm not sure I can adequately express to you how sloppy. The entire wall that her food bowl sits against has cat food particles ALL OVER IT. SO does the floor. And the bed skirt. AND, if you walk to the other side of the room, you will find cat food particles on the wall there too, because apparently Annie has made a habit of walking around with a mouth full of food and then shaking her head (this is our guess, anyway). If any of you have elderly parents or grandparents, you will totally get what I'm saying. It's like life comes full circle- you need a bib at the beginning AND the end of life.

So, now my bedroom is coated with cat food particles, and kitty litter, which brings me to the next problem-

I can not say enough negative things about having a kitty litter in my bedroom. The smells (WHAT THE HELL IS IN THAT CAT FOOD?), the litter everywhere (including ON MY BED), and the scratching that wakes me in the middle of the night- all suck, but not as much as Annie's other fun new problem-
Um, how do I say this? She's less AWARE of her ass these days. Like, on an almost daily basis I find a turd somewhere in our bedroom. Sometimes ON MY PILLOW. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than coming to bed EXHAUSTED only to find a turd on your pillow. And sometimes there are skid marks (gags). I'm not sure if it's a loss of bowl control, or a grooming issue, but we were already having to contend with a lot of vomit (Annie has always been a "vomiter"), and now there is bonus poop.

So for those keeping score, our bedroom is pretty much covered in cat food, kitty litter, poop and vomit. Anyone up for a sleepover?

The newest problem is that Annie sleeps on the edge of the bed, actually sometimes half on the bed, half on my husband's night stand, because cats are WEIRD. Anyway, I was kind of liking this situation because Annie used to sleep on my head every night. But, now- and I swear I am not making this up- she keeps falling off the bed in the middle of the night. REPEATEDLY. Last night it happened FIVE TIMES. I'm assuming she just falls deeply asleep and then the next thing you know she is on the floor, but she doesn't do it quietly, oh no, that would be too much to ask. She often takes items on the nightstand with her- last night it was the baby monitor. There are a lot of nails clinging to the sheets and blankets, which often leads to her hanging off the bed by one nail- which means I have to wake up and try to untangle her, which is a fun festival because she it hissing and trying to attack me the whole time. She can't figure out that she just needs to retract her claw- even after having this happen eleventy billion times.

So between eating as though she is using a chainsaw as a fork, scratching in the kitty litter for 20 minutes at a time- only to fill the room with an aroma that burns my nostril hair, leaving turd presents everywhere, vomiting under (or on!) my bed, and falling off the bed, I am getting virtually no sleep. And when I get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee, or perhaps to untangle a certain cat, I pray that I don't step on anything wet or squishy.

*I am not looking for advice. I just needed to vent. If you leave a comment about how I should "just get rid of her" or "put her to sleep" I will probably not publish it.

Posted by torrie at 02:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

So, yeah, sorry about the whole dropping off the face of the earth thing.
I needed a break from the internet. It was feeling like a chore, and if there's one thing I don't need more of it's chores.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted out of my on-line life. I was thinking that I was too busy to blog, but then I decided that I do almost NOTHING for myself, and blogging has helped me meet so many amazing people and given me so much support during tough times, so blogging stays. Also, being able to complain and rant on my blog helps me complain and rant less in "real" life, which is great for my "real" life friends, but sucks for you guys.

Once I decided I wanted to keep blogging I then had to figure out what I wanted to do with my blog. Oh internet, the hours I wasted thinking about this. And then it finally dawned on me- my blog can be whatever the hell I want it to be- isn't that the beauty of blogging? It's like a weight was lifted. I'm really not concerned about how much traffic I get, or "marketing" myself. It's very freeing. I just want to blog to vent, and chronicle my life, and connect with people.
So, some days I might just post a picture, or a sentence. I'm also going to try some new stuff like video blogging and posting recipes.

I'm also going to redesign/relaunch the blog. I'd love some feedback from you guys. Things you like/dislike on blogs, what layouts you like, etc. (For instance- I can't stand when you go to someone's blog and music starts playing. It's fine to give me the option, but don't force it on me.)

****************************************

In other news- Willa is talking up a storm. Seriously. The funny thing is, I thought she was a little behind in speech a few months back. I never doubted her intelligence, but I was an early talker and so was my husband so I just assumed Willa would follow suit. She was just saying somewhere between 5-10 words, and then between month 18 and 19 she started saying new words every day. By the end of the month she had over 40 words. And now here we are 11 days before her second birthday and she has started talking in sentences. I can't keep up. The growing up is happening way too quickly. She pretty much has entire conversations with us- like a couple of weeks ago she told us that the snake in the pet store scared her.
It's really unbelievable that my kid can now communicate with me.
This morning she said "Mowy (that's the nickname for our cat Itsy) went upstairs and said bye bye."
And my husband and I just stood there with our mouths hanging open, and I was like "Weren't you just born yesterday??? GET BACK IN MY UTERUS."

Posted by torrie at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

About how Willa has been sick for 5 days, and woke up this morning shaking with a 103.1 fever, and has hardly eaten anything since becoming sick?

About how I am so exhausted because for the past week either Willa has been waking up in the middle of the night with fever, or every time she coughs it wakes me up, or Dexter is barking in his sleep, or the cat is scratching in the kitty litter?

About how a couple of nights ago, I closed both closet doors by accident, and the kitty litter is in the closet, and so my cat peed ALL OVER Dexter's bed?

About how my husband threw his back out, because, you know, we needed that?

About how I am in constant pain?

About how my husband STILL hasn't received a job offer, which is making us SUPER nervous?

About how last night I stayed up to watch the end of the Oscars, because I am a giant idiot, and then went in to my bedroom exhausted only to discover that my cat had puked all over my bed and pillow?

About how my cats' medication for her hyperthyroidism is making her vomit excessively, and the only other treatments are invasive and super expensive?

About how this morning Dexter puked all over the place?

About how our first "date night" in six weeks is a memorial service?

About how I found out that my suspicions about someone were true, and they hurt someone I love dearly?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Even I'm sick of hearing me complain.

Posted by torrie at 02:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

I was going to write a whole long post about everything that is going on in my life, but honestly, I don't have the energy.

To sum up-

I am not happy. I should be- I've got an amazing husband, an amazing kid, and a roof over my head.
But, I'm not happy.

I am completely overwhelmed.

I have to keep a house with three humans and four animals clean by myself.

I have to feed two of the animals twice a day, and the other two animals three times a day. Two of the animals get medication twice a day.

I have to take care of my kid mostly by myself. (The husband works a minimum of 60 hours a week, and we have no family of friends nearby, or a babysitter.)

My kid has been fighting her nap every day.

No nap means no break for me.

No nap means no showering for me. Last week I set a record for days in a row without showering.

My kid eats three full meals a day which I mostly cook from scratch, and two snacks.

My point is I don't know how to take care of everyone, cook, clean, run errands, pay bills, exercise, etc., etc., etc.

Things are falling through the cracks.

Bills are getting paid late, thank you cards aren't being written, emails aren't being returned.

And when I try to relax, I'm not really relaxing because I have all of the things I haven't done hanging over me.

I go to bed every night still not recovered from the day. And sleeping doesn't fix that because you can't mentally unwind when you are sleeping.

I can't catch up.

Speaking of sleeping-
My sleep quality sucks.

I'm not being dramatic when I say that in order to get everything done after watching my kid for 12-13 hours straight, I would then have to spend the three hours between her bed time and my bed time working non stop.
I just can't do that. I am in too much pain and too exhausted.

I am spent.

The worst part is- my husband works so hard- he leaves the house before Willa wakes up and on a good night gets home an hour before she goes to sleep. He then eats dinner, returns emails, and does a bunch of chores. He often only gets five hours of sleep. His days off are spent running errands and giving me break.
He carries the weight of supporting his family, and deals with a wife who is both physically and mentally a mess.
When does he get a break?
This in turn makes me feel tremendously guilty.

I've been very manic- one minute bursting with love and happiness, the next hanging on to my sanity with a thread.

I've been crying in front of my child.

Today, I wanted to run away. I wanted to scream.

Anyway, I didn't write this for sympathy- I'm just trying to explain my absence.

I'm having a bit of a crisis. I'm trying to figure out my life.

I haven't had the urge to write anything, because writing takes energy that I haven't got.

Please bear with me

Posted by torrie at 06:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (35)

Instead of spending Willa's nap doing something productive, I went through all of my pictures on Flickr, and put together slide shows of each of the last 4 years.
There are certainly a lot of moments and people dear to us who weren't captured. These are not my "best" pictures- some are unflattering, some are blurry, etc., but they are the pictures that most accurately depict that year.

2005 was about me recovering from career ending shoulder surgery, tons of physical therapy, finding out my dad's cancer had metastasized, a major back injury, and my husband's internship.

In 2006 I was pregnant 3 times (!!!), had two miscarriages, landed an ad campaign with Nikon, Turned 30, had my pictures in The New York Times, traveled a bunch, and had the enjoyable part of my pregnancy with Willa.

2007 was perhaps the most important year I've ever had. I had a very rough pregnancy and was bed ridden for months, Willa was born, my husband became chief resident, and my father passed away.

2008 has been interesting. Willa was modeling, my husband turned 30, finished his residency, and started his fellowship. We moved, my pictures were published in a book, I re injured my shoulder, Obama became president elect, and Willa was diagnosed with Urticaria.

Posted by torrie at 07:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Last Saturday (the 18th) I woke up feeling crappy, but that's nothing new these days. I had plans to meet my friend Cass and I really didn't want to break them, so I went anyway. I sat across for her and tried to drink my tea, but I just felt worse and worse. Finally Cass, who had been watching me turn green, suggested we get together another time and I go home and rest. Within a half an hour of getting home I was puking up everything I had ever eaten, ever. I spent the rest of the weekend- the weekend when I was supposed to get so much accomplished because every other weekend was booked up- laying on the couch.

Then, on Monday, we noticed that Dexter had a hot spot. He's had a lot of them in his 8 years and we've learned how to treat them ourselves. So we did just that. Until it got so bad that I was up half the night with him on Tuesday/ Wednesday morning. On Wednesday evening I took him to the vet and had to hold him down while they stuck him with needles. His infection was really bad- he had a fever. He was in so much pain and wouldn't even get off the couch to eat- that's the first time in his life he's been so sick that he wasn't interested in food. He has spent the last week wearing an e-collar almost every minute and hardly getting up off the couch. He's miserable.

On Wednesday night, after spending almost $500 at the vet, The husband and I had a talk about money. I've been asking him for months what our credit card balance was and he wouldn't tell me. I finally got him to tell me. Big mistake. It was almost 4 times what I thought it was. I was devastated. I thought that after this last year of training, when my husband starts making quadruple what he makes now, that I wouldn't have to worry about money anymore. But, now I realize that there will be credit card debt and student loans to pay. Plus, the car that my husband drives to work is falling apart and will need to be replaced soon, and Willa will be starting preschool next fall. I am so sick of worrying about money and I thought there was an end in sight, but now I see that I was wrong.

On Thursday I took Willa for a long walk. On the way back home she started to get very whiney. I was rushing to get her home and when I pushed the stroller off the curb to cross the street, the stroller flipped over and Willa landed on her face with the stroller on top of her. There was blood everywhere. Her mouth was full of blood. I couldn't even tell where the blood was coming from. I took her inside and washed her up. and the bleeding stopped and she was fine except for two fat lips and a bruised face. I however, was completely traumatized. And worth mentioning- I was wearing my only good winter coat, which is camel colored and my new fingerless winter white gloves, when the accident occurred. They were both covered in blood. So not important in the grand scheme of things, but still sucks.
After I got Willa all cleaned up I realized that Mookie was walking around crying and going in and out of the litter box and the bathtub. So I called the vet and they told me to bring him in right away. The vet said that if he had a blocked urethra again they would do surgery on him the next day. I can't take Willa to the vet with me because she has doctor anxiety and the last time we were there she screamed the ENTIRE TIME.
So, I called my husband and asked him to come home. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a doctor to leave work because his cat is sick? But, he came home anyway and he took Mookie to the vet. We were surprised to Find out that he didn't have a blocked urethra. Now he has a new problem- inflamed bladder. This is, of course, after he is on two different medications and a dietary supplement, and prescription food. We were relieved to find out that Mookie didn't need surgery, but the new drug (on top of his other drugs) that they want to put him on indefinitely, costs $120 a month.

Friday was a fairly good day with the exception of Willa's face being swollen up, and Dexter and Mookie being Sick. Then Friday night my mom (who was staying with us for the weekend) got a call from her husband- their dog, who had recently been diagnosed with cancer- wouldn't eat.

On Saturday morning my mom's dog died.

On Saturday afternoon I had to drive into the city in the pouring rain for a photo shoot. When I booked the shoot the woman gave me the impression that I would be shooting six people. The day before I found out that it was fourteen people. When I got there I found out that five of the people were children, the oldest one was six. You try photographing fourteen people at the same time. IT'S NOT EASY.

Sunday was actually a good day. We took Willa to an orchard/farm in the morning, and saw Coldplay at night.

Last night (Monday) my husband was at work (he's doing a week of the night shift) and I let Dexter out into the backyard right before bed. I was watching him out the window and I saw him poop, and then I saw him turn around and EAT HIS OWN POOP. Then I died.
I realized that when I saw him eating something in the backyard earlier in the day that it might have also been poop.
I went to sleep thoroughly disgusted.

This morning I woke up and let Dexter out of our bedroom and went in to Willa's room to get her. I changed her diaper and took her down to the living room. Dexter was laying on the couch and right below him on the carpet was a pile of vomited up poop. I cleaned it up and let Dexter out in the backyard. I watched him pee three times and poop. I made sure he didn't eat the poop. About an hour later he was acting like he needed to go out again so I let him out and he peed a ton. 45 minutes later I walked into the living room and he was sitting on our arm chair and he looked weird. And that's when I heard it- the sound of urine hitting fabric. He peed all over our chair. I let him out again and he peed a bunch more. We know that the steroids that the doctor gave him for his infection is causing this, the only other time he's peed in the house he was on steroids- but still- he didn't drink that much water, so I'm not sure how he can produce so much pee.

My husband came home from work and steam cleaned the chair (we had borrowed my mother's steam cleaner to clean our carpets- score!) while I went to the basement to do some laundry. When I got to the basement I realized that the heavy rain we got over night had caused some flooding.

And then my head exploded.

The end.

Posted by torrie at 01:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (22)

Mookie is almost back to his old self.

Yesterday was the first day that there was no hissing.

I had a complete blood work up done- including getting my thyroid tested. I thought that might explain why I gained 8 pounds and was exhausted all the time. But my blood was PERFECT. I'm glad I'm "healthy", but it sucks when you feel like crap and there's no explanation for it.

So, it turns out that I am just fat and lazy. Ha!

I started wearing a pedometer. The first day I wore it, which was a normal day, I walked 7 miles. A slow day seems to be about 4 miles. So, I don't get it.
I've been trying to eat a little better. It's tough, because when I'm hungry I just want to stuff my face. I'm trying to eat more- just more healthy stuff. I've even almost completely given up cheese. If that's not dedication I don't know what is, because, come on, it's CHEESE.

I'm still struggling with trying to find time to take care of myself, but at least I'm trying.

Also, I have a really amazing story to tell you about the kindness of strangers, but That will have to wait for another post...

Posted by torrie at 03:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Mookie peed three times over night. I've never been so thrilled about urine in my life.

Now we have a new problem.

When I brought Mookie home last night I expected Itsy to act weird. It is very common for a cat to hiss at another cat when they come home from the hospital because they smell funny.

This, however is really bad.

At first Mookie was just ignoring Itsy's hissing and growling, but then he started hissing and growling too.

Last night at about 11 pm they started getting pretty nasty with each other. So, we decided to lock Itsy in our second bathroom with her food, water, and a large shoe box filled with litter. We thought it was more important for Mookie to have access to the regular litter box.

This morning at 5:10 my husband whent into the bathroom to feed Itsy and Mookie jumped over his feet and attacked her.They started running around the house trying to kill each other. I sprang out of bed and ran out and we were able to get Itsy back in the bathroom. A little while later the husband went to chack on Itsy and Mookie tried to do the same thing.

I am alone all day, until about 6-7pm, then tomorrow the husband will leave for work at 6 am and won't be home until about 10am on Sunday.

I don't know how I'm going to handle all of this by myself.

Itsy and Mookie were best friends a few days ago, and now they are trying to kill each other.

I don't know how to make it stop.

Posted by torrie at 08:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Mookie is home.

Right before I went to pick him up he started straining to pee again. The vet said that if he doesn't pee tonight that I'll have to bring him back in the morning and they will perform surgery on him.

He's been home for two hours and he keeps going in the litter box and sitting there and no pee will come out.

I am praying that he pees soon.

In the meanwhile if you all could send some healthy vibes his way I would really appreciate it. I believe in the power of positive

To repay you, I will share this slide show with you:

Posted by torrie at 07:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Our cat Mookie was admitted to the hospital today.

Again.

They think he might have an obstructed urethra. AGAIN.

I'm going to write about Mookie's medical issues in the hopes that someone might read this, have been through the same thing, and has found a solution.

Mookie started having problems when he was about a year old.
He was peeing outside of the litter box.
We are not the type of people to just get rid of an animal when they have behavioral issues, but cat pee destroys things.
He peed on Dexter's dog bed, we had to throw it out.
He peed on our brand new $1,000 mattress (purchased as a desperate attemp tto fix my back problems), we had to call a steam cleaning company, and paid a ton of money for an emergency appointment.

We really didn't know what to do.

Then one day I stepped out of the shower and Mookie jumped in.
He looked right at me and peed blood.

I took him to the vet. (Our vet at the time was two blocks away and we had a very close relationship with them.)

And so, over the next few years this would happen.
Mookie would walk around crying, would go in and out of the litter box, lick his crotch excessively, and would occasionally pee on something. Then the vet would put him on medicine, and it would eventually pass.

We tried different kitty litters. We tried all different kinds of food. We got him a kitty water fountain. But, he would still get sick.

The one thing that really seemed to help was taking him off dry food. I had done a bunch of research, and I had read that cats derive most of their moisture from their food, so if they eat dry food they are not getting enough moisture.

So he's been on only wet food for a couple of years now.

Then one morning he started walking around and screaming like I had never heard him before. Then he got up on the couch and was straining to pee, and he was straining so hard that he pooped.

My vet told me to take him right to the hospital.

So, I took him to one of the top animal hospitals in the country, which I happened to live a few blocks from. A doctor took us into a triage room and felt his bladder. She looked me in the eye and said "I have to take him in the back RIGHT NOW- this is an emergency".

It turns out that he had a blocked urethra. They told me that if I hadn't brought him in, he would have died.
He stayed in the hospital for three days.

Then the vet put him on a supplement (cosequin).

He was healthy for a few months, then he got sick again.

Then we started putting water on his food. That seemed to work, until today.

So, here is a list of all of the things we have done to try to prevent Mookie form getting sick, all of which has either been recommended by a vet, or I have come across while doing research:

-We feed him only wet food.
-We use an all natural kitty litter.
-We scoop the litter frequently
-We put water on his food.
-We feed him frequently (three times a day).
-We got him a water fountain.
-We give him a supplement.

I should also mention:

-Mookie is in great shape. He's very active.
-I hate Science Diet. The ingredients are crappy. I would really love him to be on a natural food. (Right now he's on Wellness.) However, if the only thing that helps him is Science Diet, than I will begrudgingly put him on it.
-I REALLY want to avoid him having surgery because there are some nasty side effects.

We have been dealing with this for about 7 years.
We are out of ideas.

I'm sick of seeing Mookie in pain. I love him, and I just want him to feel better.
I'm sick of loosing thousands of dollars. (Although I should say, we have, and we will, pay any amount of money to make him feel better.)

Does anybody have any suggestion?

Posted by torrie at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (32)

Posted by torrie at 10:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

I've been in a really shitty mood lately.

Like, REALLY shitty.

Like, stereotypical, fire breathing, crazy, PMS'ing shitty.

I woke up this morning with the intention of being in a better mood.
My plan was working. My kid was being cute. We split a pear and she made yummy (nom nom nom) sounds every time she put a piece in her mouth.

We took Dexter on a nice long walk. Willa pointed at all of the flowers and dogs she saw.
The weather was beautiful

Then, we were a half a block from our building when a man came up behind us and said "Can you let me by? You're taking up the whole side walk!"

?????

There I am struggling to wrangle a dog and a stroller, and it's trash day, so half the sidewalk is covered in garbage bags, and we were about 50 feet from an area where he could have gotten around us, and he thought that the appropriate response was to be rude to me?

So, I yelled at him "Have you ever heard the phrase excuse me?"

To which he replied "Have you? (What the fuck does that even mean? Good comeback douche.)

To which I replied "What, am I supposed to be psychic? How was I supposed to know you were behind me? ASSHOLE."

Then I walked into my building and the skin on all of the people in the lobby melted right off.

So, now I'm in a bad mood. AGAIN.

And I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do in a situation like that when my daughter is with me.

I don't want her to start yelling "ASSHOLE" at people, but I also don't want her to think it's ok for people to treat her with disrespect.

It's a fine line.

Posted by torrie at 10:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)

Here is a video of Dexter meeting Willa for the first time.
I had a hard time focusing the camera and giving my attention to Dexter and Willa, so I apologize for how wobbly the video is.

Posted by torrie at 01:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Me: Ah! Mookie is putting his anus on me!
Husband: Fight through it. Walk it off.

Posted by torrie at 10:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by torrie at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Posted by torrie at 09:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (25)

We watched this awesome documentary about animals from conception through birth last night.
Three different animals were featured- an elephant, a dolphin, and a Golden Retriever.
We were watching the segment about the Golden Retriever when they showed the male dog basically performing oral sex on the female dog before he mounted her.
I immediately paused the TV and turned to my husband-
"See! More proof that Golden Retrievers are the best breed- Foreplay!"
The husband just blinked at me in disbelief.

This was not the first time I had seen a male Golden Retriever being sexually generous.

Posted by torrie at 11:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Remember this?

Well, there were many phone calls back and forth between me and the gym. They couldn't find a class for me, so they decided to give me PRIVATE LESSONS for the same price I had paid for the group lessons.
I can not even tell you how awesome this is. I had my first lesson today and it was so great to have the instructor watching my every move, making sure my form was perfect.

It's about time something actually worked out for me.

On another note- I have been really spoiled by the unseasonably warm weather. Tomorrow the wind chill will be in the teens. I am going to spend my evening trying to teach Dexter to use the litter box, so I don't have to leave my apartment until it is warm again. Wish me luck.

Posted by torrie at 09:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Highlights of my vacation:

-Relaxing
-A FANTASTIC massage followed by a dip in a mineral bath
-Brie and Pear soup
-Getting pooped on by a baby hairless rat
-Watching the mommy hairless rat pee all over my husband
-Having the massage therapist tell me I was very muscular. Who, me?
-Going on a two hour hike up a mountain to the top of a tower where on a clear day you can see six states
-Going on a ten mile bike ride (something I thought I'd never be able to do)
-Having afternoon tea and cookies while sitting on a porch, in a rocking chair, overlooking a lake
-Seeing TWO baby bears
-Playing with an opossum
-Role reversal- the husband was trying to have sex with me while the Mets game was on- I said "Can you just wait until this inning is over?"
-Getting licked by a deer
-Watching Itsy try to have sex with a catnip cigar
-Snuggling in bed with Dexter and my husband
-Organic banana buttermilk pancakes
-Finding the perfect brown, non-leather purse- for 7 dollars!
-Listening to Dane Cook in the car
-Standing in an Alpaca pen
-Sitting in a book store with my mom and my husband, reading magazines, and sipping tea
-Holding a pygmy hedgehog
-NATURE

Pictures coming soon.

Posted by torrie at 11:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Of all of the wonderful memories I'll have of my thirtieth birthday, perhaps my favorite was when Dexter, who we have had for six years and who hasn't peed in the house since two days after we adopted him, decided to squat and pee on our carpet in front of our twenty birthday party guests.

Posted by torrie at 05:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Today is my last day in my twenties.

In my twenties I have:

- Met, fell in love with, and married my husband.
- Graduated from culinary school, worked my way up to executive pastry chef, and won a gold medal at a culinary competition
- Had three surgeries, including a career ending shoulder surgery.
- Adopted Dexter, Mookie, and Itsy.
- Lost my beloved Grandmother.
- Had two of my photographs published in The New York Times.
- Made many great friends.
- Left my comfort zone and moved to a new city.
- Been pregnant twice and lost both pregnancies.
- Found out my father has terminal cancer.
- Started eating better.
- Gained 27 pounds.
- Lost 8 of those pounds.
- Discovered and fell in love with the internet.
- Read too many books to count.
- Had LOTS of sex.
- Learned a lot about myself.
- Stopped letting people walk all over me.
- Became a brunette.
- Almost come to terms with my nose.
- Learned a lot about myself.

It's funny; I use to think I needed to accomplish everything by the time I turned 30. Now that 30 is here, in some ways, I feel like my life is just beginning.

I'm excited to see what's in store for my thirties.

Posted by torrie at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (21)

... to my sweet little boy. He turns six today!
They grow up fast.

For more pictures of Dexter click here.

Posted by torrie at 03:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Posted by torrie at 12:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

1) Bagels are my favorite food.
2) I am a carbohydrate junkie
3) My husband is two years younger than me. Before I met him I had only dated older men (boys).
4) I am a strict vegetarian. It's like a religion to me.
5) I hate organized religion.
6) I've never thrown up from drinking.
7) I hated high school.
8) I don't wear bras.
9) My favorite books are To Kill a Mocking Bird and The Catcher in the Rye. I've read both of them several times.
10) I love to read.
11) I went to culinary school.
12) I used to be a pastry chef.
13) I've also been a nanny.
14) I can sing, or so I've been told.
15) I love to dance. I've got rythm.
16) In high school I majored in dance, but had to stop because of an injury.
17) The only bone I've ever broken is my pinkie. (Knock on wood)
18) My father offered to pay for me to get a nose job. I refused just to spite him, and now sometimes I regret it.
19) I've never stayed over night in a hospital.
20) I predicted the big earth quake that hit California in the late 80's.
21) I have watched the movie Dirty Dancing too many times to count.
22) I had my first boyfriend when I was nine, but didn't lose my virginity until I was eighteen.
23) I've been pregnant twice, but I don't have any children.
24) I have three cats and one dog.
25) I will not pee in front of anyone. Not even my mother.
26) I grew up in Manhattan.
27) I went to sleep away camp in the Poconos.
28) I love when it rains. I especially love thunderstorms.
29) I have a mild case of OCD. Paintings can't be crooked, things have to be eaten in a certain way, etc.
30) I was in a pageant when I was 12. I won.
31) I am a pack rat.
32) I bruise easily.
33) I have straight pubic hair. The hair on my head is wavy. This makes no sense.
34) I like to write to do lists so I can cross things off.
35) I HATE onions. They are evil.
36) I have a BAD back.
37) I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
38) I have been blogging since August, 2003.
39) I have 42 pairs of shoes. None of them are leather.
40) I am broke.
41) I hate doing the dishes.
42) David Copperfield made me disappear.
43) Jon Bon Jovi laughed at me.
44) I've had sex with two different people in one day.
45) I have a tattoo.
46) My husband has a tongue ring. I *love* it.
47) I was a camp counselor.
48) I once told Scott Hamilton to "Get out on the ice and do a couple of back flips!"
49) Two of my photos were published in the New York Times.
50) I love to learn.
51) I am allergic to cats and dogs.
52) I HATE the cold.
53) I used to be a gymnast
54) I can't watch other people fold clothes because THEY DO IT WRONG.
55) I lived in Boston for five years. It wasn't New York.
56) I have fifty billion medical problems.
57) I like to exaggerate.
58) If you tickle me I will black out and hurt you. I'm dead serious.
59) My wedding was vegetarian. The food was so good, half of the guests didn't even realize it.
60) I had the best wedding EVER.
61) Some of my favorite movies are American Beauty, Garden State, 40 Year Old Virgin, Office Space, Coming to America, and Forrest Gump. I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch more.
62) Some of my favorite bands/artists are Coldplay, Cake, Indigo Girls, The Beatles, Eminem, Sublime, Billy Joel, Fiona Apple, Miles Davis, Paul Simon, and Radiohead. I am not ashamed.
63) Billy Joel once told me he was too drunk to remember me interrupting his meal.
64) I was flat chested until I was about 19. Now I'm a 36C.
65) I HATE coffee.
66) I LOVE tea.
67) I hate underwear. I wear them reluctantly and am constantly digging them out of my cavernous ass.
68) I hate whistling. It's like nails on a chalk board to me.
69) My father-in-law whistles ALL THE TIME.
70) I have seven nephews and three nieces.
71) I think I'm the only person on the planet who hates the TV show Law and Order.
72) I moved out of the house when I was 19.
73) If I could wish for one secret power it would be to never have to shave my legs again.
74) I am allergic to artichokes.
75) I've never been anywhere in the middle of the country. The closest I've been to the middle is Ohio or Utah.
76) I'm a good driver. I drive like a man.
78) I desperately want to go to England. I don't know why.
79) I used to have waist length blonde hair.
80) I don't chew gum.
81) I don't drink soda.
82) I don't like sex toys. That's how I roll.
83) Sometimes I like to talk like I'm from the hood. WORD.
84) Thanks to blogging, I have friends that live in states and countries I've never been to.
85) My favorite color is blue.
86) I have two half sisters and a half brother.
87) I can't say the word *fart*. It makes me cringe. The fact that I was even able to type it is a miracle.
88) I've had many crushes, but I've only been in love once.
89) I am not good at styling my hair, or anyone else's hair for that matter.
90) I wear SPF on my face every day, even in the winter.
91) I haven't "tanned" since I was 18. I look pale, but I actually have my dad's Sicilain skin and I can get quite dark.
92) Chocolate is my drug of choice.
93) I love book stores. I could spend all day in a book store.
94) I didn't learn how to tie my shoe laces until I was six, and I couldn't ride a bike without training wheels until I was almost ten.
95) I watch entirely too much television.
96) My husband is a genius. Literally. It's like living with a human encyclopedia and dictionary all rolled into one.
97) I got braces my senior year in high school. It sucked.
98) I can't eat spicy food. This is very difficult considering I'm a vegetarian.
99) I try to avoid the topic of politics because I just get upset and frustrated.
100) Writing this list was not easy.

Did you learn anything new about me?

Posted by torrie at 12:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (32)

I'm leaving for my trip today. We're spending two nights at my Mom's house in the Poconos, four nights in Montreal, two nights in New Hampshire, and one night in Boston.
I don't know if I'll have internet access after Monday. If not, I will be walking the streets of Montreal, twitching.
If you've emailed me and I haven't gotten back to you, I apologize- I have 30 emails sitting in my inbox- I've been feeling overwhelmed, and they're going to have to wait until I get back.

Please enjoy this picture of Mookie in my absence and talk amongst yourselves.

Posted by torrie at 11:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Posted by torrie at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

So, I was taking Dexter for his morning walk. Dexter likes to carry a toy when we go for a walk:

I must also preface this story by saying that Dexter LOVES children and babies.
I'm not sure where his obsession with little ones came from, but maybe it's because they taste good:

Mmmmmmmm, TASTY!

Tastes like chicken!

Anyway, back to the story-

Dexter and I were crossing the street. On the sidewalk we were approaching, there were several people, including a couple with a todder in a stroller.
As we stepped up onto the curb the father jumped in front of the stroller and started yelling "NO, no, no!"
I said "It's OK, he won't hurt her."
To which he responded "No, no, no!"
"He's a therapy dog" I said, getting frustrated (I was in NO MOOD for ridiculous people).
And then he delivered a line that I will never forget:

"KEEP IT AWAY FROM MY HUMAN"

Blink. Blink.

Did he just say "Keep it away from my human"?
All of the people standing on the curb had their mouths hanging open in disbelief. A few chuckled.

Keep in mind that during this entire incident Dexter was wagging his tail and holding his stuffed animal in his mouth, unaware of his power to strike terror.
I'd also like to point out that his wife was with him, but she never said a word. She just stood there with this look on her face like "If I say anything he's going to beat me again".

After my initial shock wore off, I said "I feel really sorry for your daughter because when she's an adult she won't be able to walk down the street because of her fear of dogs"
He gave me an eloquent rebuttal of "That's fine".

Um, actually, no it's not FINE.

So, I said to him, "It's really unfortunate that you're putting your own fears on your child" and then I turned and crossed the street.

This happened on Friday. I've spent all weekend analyzing it.

Why did he say "MY HUMAN"? Why didn't he say "my child", or "my daughter", or "my little girl"?

Who refers to their child as "MY HUMAN"?

The first questions everyone who I tell this story to asks me is "Was he foreign? Did he not have a command of the English language?"

He spoke perfect English.

* Side note: Have modern day humans lost all of their instincts?
I'm asking this question because things like this happen all the time. Dexter will be skipping along with a giant rainbow colored stuffed octopus in his mouth and some people will still be terrified. I have no tolerance for people who have one bad experience with a dog and then, subsequently, are terrified of ALL DOGS. I've gotten screwed by tons of people and yet I'm not scared of ALL PEOPLE.
I truly believe that if I had grown up in the middle of the jungle and never seen a dog before, that when I saw Dexter, walking down the street, tail wagging, with a stuffed animal in his mouth, I would be able to read his body language and realize that he meant me no harm. This would be especially true if another person ASSURED me that he was docile.

Tracy came up with the only explanation that makes any sense:

The man and his wife were aliens who couldn't conceive a baby, so they came to earth and stole a human baby. They had never seen a dog before, so when they saw Dexter they freaked out and thought that this vicious monster might eat their precious human baby.

Yes.

Vicious.

Evil monster.

It all makes sense now.

Posted by torrie at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (24)

Is it so wrong that when I was leaving to take Dexter for his walk this morning, I picked the plastic bag I would use to pick up his poop based on which one matched my outfit the best?

Posted by torrie at 11:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

My cat Annie, who lives in our bedroom, took a shit so heinous last night that it WOKE ME UP.

There's nothing quite like scooping kitty litter at 4 AM.

Posted by torrie at 11:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Long story short:

Mookie is very sick. He has a blocked urethra. The doctor told me if I hadn't brought him in to the hospital today he would have DIED.
It's been a horrible day.
Hopefully, Mookie will be able to come home tomorrow.
I would have sold my organs to get him the treatment he needs, but apparently all they needed was $1,800.
All I really care about is that he's going to be OK; I'll find a way to make some money.
(Time to get out my fishnets and high heels!)

Please send some good vibes his way

*UPDATE- Mookie is not coming home today (Tuesday). I got no sleep last night because Itsy walked around the apartment SCREAMING for Mookie ALL NIGHT LONG. I'm sure there will be a repeat performance tonight.

Oh, and I got my period, which probably doesn't sound that interesting, but I thought I had already gotten my period two weeks ago, so now I'm really confused and I have no idea what's going on with my body.

Posted by torrie at 05:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Posted by torrie at 05:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Mookie is sick AGAIN. As I'm sure I've stated before, we have tried everything; different foods, different kitty litters, different medications, etc.
I watched him sit in the litter box this morning for twenty minutes, straining to get some pee out. Then he walked around the apartment screaming in pain.He then sat in the bathtub for another twenty minutes straining. I gave him some powerful pain medicine which knocks him out. I hate having to drug him all of the time.
Now I'm just counting the minutes until he starts peeing blood.
Since we've tried all of the treatments and nothing works, the next step is surgery.
Besides the fact that surgery scares the shit out of me, in an effort to cut back on expenses to save for a baby, we let all of the animals' health insurance lapse. I'm sure the surgery will cost us at least $1000.
$1000 is a HUGE amount of money for us. We just invested a large sum of money in my new web site, and it will probably be quite a while (if at all) before we make any money back from it.

I'M SO STRESSED OUT.

Has anyone had a similar problem with their cat?
Has anyone heard of this surgery (I think they shorten the urethra)?

Posted by torrie at 01:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Due to recent events, I have been pretty behind on laundry.
The hamper in the bathroom was overflowing, so we started to pile our dirty clothes on the floor.

A few mornings ago the husband woke up, and like he does every morning, he went to scoop the kitty litter.
You will never guess what he found in the litter box.
At first he thought one of the cats had taken a huge shit, but when he scooped out the black object he realized it was A PAIR OF MY UNDERWEAR.

Yep. That's right. My underwear were in the litter box. One of the cats had BURIED my underwear.

Now, I know everyone thinks their animals are the craziest, but seriously-
CATS WHO BURY UNDERWEAR?

Between the three of them, they also, chew on plastic bags, attack their own tails, play with the electrical socket, hump the dog's toys, and sleep right on top of the boiling hot heater (I keep waiting for one of them to burst into flames).

I win.

Posted by torrie at 02:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

I will now do what I do best- complain.

I spent ALL DAY in a hospital on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because someone close to me had major surgery.
They're doing fine physically, but not so great mentally.
It has been VERY emotionally draining.
I came home yesterday for 10 ten minutes (I live across the street from the hospital) to walk Dexter only to discover that Mookie is sick (AGAIN).
So I had to call the vet in addition to the five thousand other phone calls I made and received over the past few days, because I seem to be the family liaison.
I did not eat dinner until 10pm last night.
I was so infuriated with my mother-in-law(what else is new?) yesterday that when she called the hospital room I tore her a new one and then hung up when she was in mid sentence.
She deserved it.
I have not been feeling well lately (surprise, surprise). I have been very dizzy. I was hoping that it was because I was pregnant, but no such luck, I got my period again.
My husband works A LOT, so he's not always around when I need a hug.
The vet bill today was over $200. AND that was the REDUCED rate.
The boots I bought on Ebay, my FIRST Ebay purchase, are a totally different color that the picture, AND they are too small.
I slept in the guest room so I could be with Mookie last night. He spent the whole night curled up next to me which is cute, but I didn't want to disturb him so I couldn't move my legs all night and now my knee is killing me.
That was a long sentence.
I just got so dizzy I almost passed out on my keyboard.
The husband just called me to remind me that we're supposed to go to a party tonight.
I have NO desire to go.
I have a migrane.
I had one yesterday too.
I have gotten nothing accomplished today.

*END RANT*

Update: I just noticed that one of the Google ads says "fishy vaginal odor?"
AWESOME.

Posted by torrie at 04:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

It's official! Dexter passed his test with flying colors and is now a certified therapy dog.

Posted by torrie at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)